Arun1910 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I just spoke to my ex on Facebook for the first time properly in 2 months that we broke up. And there was no awkwardness, we laughed, asked questions to each other, made jokes, asked how each other was, just a nice catch up! She said she had to go to sleep when i messaged her initially, but I managed to keep it going up until midnight (2 hours later) when she said she had to go because she has a photoshoot tomorrow for school as its her last year. So everything so far is good! I'm so damn happy! But now what do I do? Should I leave it a few days now? I obviously don't want to be forward and message her constantly like a creep.
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 What do you want from her? Why did the relationship end?
Author Arun1910 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 What do you want from her? Why did the relationship end? At the moment, I want my best friend back. But I dont want her to think im trying to real her in again either. It ended due to a stupid argument, I had a lot of exam pressure and we argued due to a jealously issue I had, something that stemmed from when I was bullied.
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 At the moment, I want my best friend back. But I dont want her to think im trying to real her in again either. It ended due to a stupid argument, I had a lot of exam pressure and we argued due to a jealously issue I had, something that stemmed from when I was bullied. You can't be friends with an ex, especially not so soon. It's selfish. If my ex (also the dumper) came back and said he wanted to be friends, I wouldn't give him another second after learning that. The only time you go back is if you are 100% sure you want to own your mistakes and repair the relationship. Otherwise, let her be and let her move on.
Author Arun1910 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 You can't be friends with an ex, especially not so soon. It's selfish. If my ex (also the dumper) came back and said he wanted to be friends, I wouldn't give him another second after learning that. The only time you go back is if you are 100% sure you want to repair the relationship. Otherwise, let her be and let her move on. She wanted to be friends straight away, i just wasnt ready. But now I was so I talked to her and things were great. Whats wrong with that?
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Also, sorry you were bullied. If it's something that's affecting you negatively, and preventing you from having healthy disagreements in relationships, you might want to do some thinking about that. Perhaps even get counseling.
Omei Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 She wanted to be friends straight away, i just wasnt ready. But now I was so I talked to her and things were great. Whats wrong with that? It's very rare everyone will be okay after two months without 1 of the 2 hoping for something more while the other will never have interest in a relationship again because they've gotten over it. Are you sure you're not wanting to be friends with her deep down because of hope she make take you back because things seem better? 1
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 She wanted to be friends straight away, i just wasnt ready. But now I was so I talked to her and things were great. Whats wrong with that? Ok, then. Go for it. In general, it usually doesn't bode well. That's all.
Author Arun1910 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 Also, sorry you were bullied. If it's something that's affecting you negatively, and preventing you from having healthy disagreements in relationships, you might want to do some thinking about that. Perhaps even get counseling. Yeah see that's the problem. This was the first relationship since the bullying... I didn't know I would be jealous or have issues and she couldn't take it and I understand her completely. Her breaking up with me showed i didn't need to be jealous of other guys though so that problem is fixed. It's very rare everyone will be okay after two months without 1 of the 2 hoping for something more while the other will never have interest in a relationship again because they've gotten over it. Are you sure you're not wanting to be friends with her deep down because of hope she make take you back because things seem better? I use to, but even if she had another guy, I would be happy. She's a great girl and she deserves happiness. That might sound weird, especially as I was the one dumped... but that's how I feel.
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I use to, but even if she had another guy, I would be happy. She's a great girl and she deserves happiness. That might sound weird, especially as I was the one dumped... but that's how I feel. Ahh.. ok, so she was the dumper. I honestly feel like you should take space and work on healing from the bullying before you try to enter into another relationship, with her or another woman.
Author Arun1910 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 Ahh.. ok, so she was the dumper. I honestly feel like you should take space and work on healing from the bullying before you try to enter into another relationship, with her or another woman. Well the bullying was, my girlfriend previous slept with 2 of my guy friends then those 2 bullied me for 2 years. Its been 2 years since then but no relationship. It gave me jealously issues with guys, especially as those were MY friends I introduced to my girlfriend at the time -_- It basically made me feel like I couldnt trust guys, which I guess sound stupid but made perfect sense at the time. Her dumping me was a massive realisation that I never needed to think that way.
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Well the bullying was, my girlfriend previous slept with 2 of my guy friends then those 2 bullied me for 2 years. Its been 2 years since then but no relationship. It gave me jealously issues with guys, especially as those were MY friends I introduced to my girlfriend at the time -_- It basically made me feel like I couldnt trust guys, which I guess sound stupid but made perfect sense at the time. Her dumping me was a massive realisation that I never needed to think that way. Your most recent ex slept with two of your friends? When you were in a relationship with her?
Author Arun1910 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Your most recent ex slept with two of your friends? When you were in a relationship with her? Sorry, I mean the one before this one. I wasnt ready for a relationship it seems this time cause jealously was an issue. Something that stemmed from that girl before.
ScienceGal Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Sorry, I mean the one before this one. I wasnt ready for a relationship it seems this time cause jealously was an issue. Something that stemmed from that girl before. I see. You're young, correct? Maybe 19? I can definitely see how what your ex and your two "friends" did to you would be unbelievably hurtful. Cheating and bullying, that's a lot to deal with. Anyone would carry something negative from that. Is there someone you can talk to about this? A counselor maybe? You seem pretty level-headed and I think you'd be receptive to someone helping you work through this.
Author Arun1910 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 I see. You're young, correct? Maybe 19? I can definitely see how what your ex and your two "friends" did to you would be unbelievably hurtful. Cheating and bullying, that's a lot to deal with. Anyone would carry something negative from that. Is there someone you can talk to about this? A counselor maybe? You seem pretty level-headed and I think you'd be receptive to someone helping you work through this. Not really, but I'm okay now. Bad experience with the ex I just lost just showed I didn't need to be jealous of everything. I was never normally like that and never will be again.
Disconnect Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 What do you mean, now what? That's up to you. Nurture and enjoy the friendship right now, and ask her what she wants when the time is right.
Diezel Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Are you absolutely sure you just want to be her friend, or are you trying to convince yourself of that fact? What happens when she tries to talk to you about a new guy she is seeing?
Author Arun1910 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Are you absolutely sure you just want to be her friend, or are you trying to convince yourself of that fact? What happens when she tries to talk to you about a new guy she is seeing? I figured a while ago I love her enough to be happy if she has a new guy that will make her happy. Wait until she makes the next contact. Turns out, she has! According to her friends she has been really down for the past 7 days "looking like a zombie", not smiling at all, but it seems like i've helped a lot. Monday - Initiated contact, she stayed up 2 hours more than she was supposed too, just talking to me judging by her super fast replies which were always a few sentences. Tuesday - She initiated contact in the afternoon, we spoke for an hour then she had to go do something. 8 hours later she messages again saying "Sorry I didn't reply", even though we already finished the conversation. Wednesday - She had a really bad day, she was feeling really low. We talked the majority of the day. A lot of times she would one word reply, I would leave it for an hour or so then she would type something else. I told her if she wanted to talk she can message me whenever and she said "You dont bore me, im just a bit down." This is the day where it seemed like her spirits were going up, BECAUSE it was a bad day, and because of what followed on thursday. Thursday - We had a lot of jokes, inside jokes, inside humour, fun old memories cropped up, a little sex joke, I complimented her eyes and she was fine with it all. So far things seem to be going well, Im not forcing myself onto her, not acting needy, and shes coming to me a lot.
neowulf Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Let me just ask you something man. How would you feel if your ex starts dating a new guy? How does that thought make you feel? If the answer to that is "I'm happy for her" or "I have no strong feelings", congratulations! You're friends. If on the other hand you *do* feel a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, then no.. you're not really friends and you're not over her yet. Just something to think about.
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