Saw my ex having intercourse

[Craftydre]

Hey guys.. so me and my long term girlfriend broke up a month and a half ago. I've been no contact for almost a month, but last week I got really drunk and went to her place to talk things out. But to my surprise when I went to the front door I saw her sitting down with another guy. I couldn't help but to keep watching hoping it's just a friend. She seemed very disinterest, looked very drunk and she dodged eye contact with him almost the whole time. She also looked quite sad, and upset putting on a smile. He was also very beta not touching or really talking seemed like a pretty nervous dude... but after about 15minutes she turned off the lights and they made out and there was a little light and I saw him get on top of her and they had sex and I left feeling sick to my stomach a minute later. Technically no contacted didn't breat since she did not see me... but I made a mistake by going and sticking around to see what would happen I am so upset.. I don't know what to do

[pidgeon1010]

You did break NC. The minute you went to her house and became a peeping tom, that was breaking NC. The fact that she wasn't aware you were hiding in the bushes (literally or figuratively) doesn't mean you didn't break NC. To go to your ex's house unannounced and then stick around and watch her having sex with someone is a little bit much- comes off as creepy and crazy. But the good thing about NC is that you can always start over. Good luck!

Edited September 21, 2015 by pidgeon1010

[Craftydre]

Thanks for your post. I agree with what you are saying.

 

I assume every telling her I saw such a thing would not go down well right?

 

I went to a psychic a few days ago, and she said that my ex will reach out to me in a few weeks, and realize her mistakes during no contact and ask me back.

 

Now I know readings aren't entirely 100% accurate.

 

But if such a thing does happen.

 

Just curious.. do I ever tell her what I saw?

 

Should I forgive her for sleeping with someone else after two years with me after only a month apart?

 

And by forgive I mean... does that make her a bad person? Untrustworthy?

[thejabberwocky]

You are a stalker. You not only broke NC, you broke the law. You need to get a grip, and NO do not tell her what you saw.

 

She does not want to be with you. It doesn't matter if you forgive her or not. Or if she's a bad person or not. She is trying to move on and you need to stop stalking her and try to move on yourself.

[thunder777]

err you hung out the front of someones house for up to 15 minutes watching a couple having sex?

[Craftydre]

You are a stalker. You not only broke NC, you broke the law. You need to get a grip, and NO do not tell her what you saw.

 

She does not want to be with you. It doesn't matter if you forgive her or not. Or if she's a bad person or not. She is trying to move on and you need to stop stalking her and try to move on yourself.

 

I broke the law? We were together for almost three years. I went over to talk with her, stalking is following people around and intentionally spying on them. I so happened to come at a wrong time and things escalates quickly. I didn't break into anywhere.

Edited September 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Itspointless]

He had no contact with her, so did not break no contact. But what is the difference here in the end as you saw her ... But man you better do not such things again, it only will make you go Stalking indeed is something entirely different.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Simon Phoenix]

He had no contact with her, so did not break no contact. But what is the difference here in the end as you saw her ... But man you better do not such things again, it only will make you go Stalking indeed is something entirely different.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

He definitely broke No Contact -- what he did was basically a roided-out version of spying on someone's social media, which is breaking No Contact. While I won't call him a stalker, sitting outside someone's window and watching them is pretty weird.

[m.snow]

Hey guys.. so me and my long term girlfriend broke up a month and a half ago. I've been no contact for almost a month, but last week I got really drunk and went to her place to talk things out. But to my surprise when I went to the front door I saw her sitting down with another guy. I couldn't help but to keep watching hoping it's just a friend. She seemed very disinterest, looked very drunk and she dodged eye contact with him almost the whole time. She also looked quite sad, and upset putting on a smile. He was also very beta not touching or really talking seemed like a pretty nervous dude... but after about 15minutes she turned off the lights and they made out and there was a little light and I saw him get on top of her and they had sex and I left feeling sick to my stomach a minute later. Technically no contacted didn't breat since she did not see me... but I made a mistake by going and sticking around to see what would happen I am so upset.. I don't know what to do

 

things happen and no your not a stalker if this incident only happened only once. curiosity just got the better of you.

 

get a grip stuff like that happens.

 

that girl was not a special snowflake.

 

time to move on. find a new love.

 

game plan though:

but if ex comes back just use her for S. play your ex if she tries to comeback.

[Stage5Clinger]

Okay, so tough love; you're calling a guy beta while you watch (spy on) him having sex with your ex. Less tough love; big hug man. Girls are evil but it's time to replace this one like a broken piece of furniture.

[mightycpa]

I broke the law? We were together for almost three years. I went over to talk with her, stalking is following people around and intentionally spying on them. I so happened to come at a wrong time and things escalates quickly. I didn't break into anywhere.

I'm not sure where you live, but in most Western civilized countries, showing up at someone's house, not announcing yourself, then watching through the window while over some period of time, they engage in conversation/escalation/sex qualifies as a crime. How long you've known the target or what your original intentions were don't matter. It's not what you intended, it's what you actually did.

 

In other places in the world, doing that kind of thing will just get you killed.

 

I hope seeing that was enough of a wakeup call for you to know that it is now time to turn your back and go.

[Methodical]

I saw her sitting down with another guy. I couldn't help but to keep watching hoping it's just a friend. She seemed very disinterest, looked very drunk and she dodged eye contact with him almost the whole time. She also looked quite sad, and upset putting on a smile. He was also very beta not touching or really talking seemed like a pretty nervous dude... but after about 15minutes she turned off the lights and they made out and there was a little light and I saw him get on top of her and they had sex and I left feeling sick to my stomach a minute later. Technically no contacted didn't breat since she did not see me... but I made a mistake by going and sticking around to see what would happen I am so upset.. I don't know what to do

 

I broke the law? We were together for almost three years. I went over to talk with her, stalking is following people around and intentionally spying on them. I so happened to come at a wrong time and things escalates quickly. I didn't break into anywhere.

 

Yes, you broke NC. The minute you saw she had company you should have left. Instead, you lurked around and peeped thru the window for no less than 15 minutes. Long enough to assess she might have been drunk, avoided eye contact, acted disinterested, but then made out and had sex. That's a lot of detail to gather by accident. That is intentional spying! Now you are trying to sugarcoat it. Spying thru a window isn't an accident.

 

What should you do? Stop spying on ppl. IF you get back together and mention what you saw, I suspect you won't be together long when she realizes you violated her privacy.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, the moment she hears that she'll be running for the hills.

[bubbaganoosh]

First of all it's over between you and your girlfriend so she can do what she wants with whoever she wants, you understand? There was a reason for the break up and I have a feeling that you don't want to face the reason for it and by doing what you did only makes it worse. What do you think the outcome would be if you got caught? Two things for sure, she wouldn't be real happy with you and you would have been arrested so leave it alone.

 

One other thing friend. Stay away from psychics OK. They just take your money and their full of crap and you got a first class example of how wrong the psychic was.

[casey.lives]

you guys broke up and you're asking for pain by insisting. It's over. He broke up with you - don't make it come to hate. It's hard to undue.

[dumbass2]

You're gonna have to get a grip here. After what you did, hanging around to peep, you need to really back way way off right now before it leads to a bigger problem. no, you never ever tell her what you saw. How freaking creepy do you think that would sound to her? She's done with you and having sex with another dude. come on, if that doesn't tell you enough, nothing will. You need to be done with her and don;t ever contact her again and ignore her if she contacts you. You wont be able to forget this and it is going to stay with you. You can't bring this up to her. Really time to move on and fast.

[ChicagoSparty]

Well....there's your closure.

[Jc396]

Unfortunately I suggest you move on. Like the person above me said, you will never forget that picture of her and that guy going at it. Eventually you will get into a fight with her and let that slip out and she will leave you instantly. No girl likes to think that someone is watching them out their window.

[Itspointless]

He definitely broke No Contact -- what he did was basically a roided-out version of spying on someone's social media, which is breaking No Contact. While I won't call him a stalker, sitting outside someone's window and watching them is pretty weird.

I know here on LS people have a certain view on what No Contact is. Contact for me is both parties knowing of the contact, as he almost did. I wouldn't have recommended him doing this though, better not confront yourself with your ex in any way.

[Chi townD]

When you go NO CONTACT, that means no contact on EVERYTHING! NC is not knowing anything that is going on in that persons life and vice versa. She would have no idea what is going on in your life.

 

 

You need to go back into NC. She needs to be dead to you. If you can take anything away from this is that what you saw will be burned into your mind and make it easier to ignore her. Three years and she gives herself to another guy so easily. Should be easy to ignore if she does reach out.

[Simon Phoenix]

I know here on LS people have a certain view on what No Contact is. Contact for me is both parties knowing of the contact, as he almost did. I wouldn't have recommended him doing this though, better not confront yourself with your ex in any way.

 

Contact for me is being aware of anything the other person is doing, whether it's active or passive. No Contact means complete radio silence in all aspects. He broke the hell out of it.

[Itspointless]

Thanks guys, I wont debate you on the principle, as in most cases it is the most sane thing to do and definitely the thing to do when you want to heal. It is just that the term is off as no contact encompasses a lot more than contact. I have been educated to be very precise on words (not in English though as English is not my language). Not a big deal at all, but I wanted to mention it just this once

[warshaw]

I broke the law? We were together for almost three years. I went over to talk with her, stalking is following people around and intentionally spying on them. I so happened to come at a wrong time and things escalates quickly. I didn't break into anywhere.

 

Just because you have history doesn't mean you have a right to spy on her, what you did is illegal and she could press charges and even if she didn't it's creepy as hell.

 

"Things escalated quickly". It takes 2 seconds to turn and walk away.

 

Anyway, damage done. Mostly to you. That image is going to stay burned into your head for a long time.

[Itspointless]

Just because you have history doesn't mean you have a right to spy on her, what you did is illegal and she could press charges and even if she didn't it's creepy as hell.

I think he never will make this mistake again.

 

It is with cases like this I notice a cultural difference between me and the most of you. Yes spying or stalking is illegal also where I live, but it would never have crossed my mind to call what he did stalking, as he did not plan to observe her when he left home. I would have called it a very stupid mistake that probably makes him for quite a while.

[almond]

I agree that what OP did was incredibly distasteful and foolish, but let's not crucify the poor guy here.

 

He went over to speak to her, and saw another guy. He stayed and watched longer than he should out of curiosity and desperation, and saw them start to have sex after the lights went off. I don't think he stayed and watched after that? Sure, it's a bit creepy regardless...but let's not make the entire thread about hammering him. I doubt he'll be repeating this mistake somehow.

 

OP - it's over with this girl. No contact is to help you heal, and you did break it - going to her house and watching her is a big breach. Now you're paying the price. The image will be painful for a while, but you now need to go back to NC, stick to it like your life depended on it, and move forward.

 

You will be happy again. You will find love. Focus on yourself now...learn to be strong and confident - your next relationship will thank you for it.

 

Good luck