chexmix Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Hi, A couple of months ago I asked a newish female friend to dinner, and her response, in a nutshell, was "I'm enjoying getting to know you as a friend, but I want to stay single, so I'm not interested in anything more." Default-me says "ok, no problem!" I've never been pushy -- in fact, I have often suffered, I think, from being too passive (inside and outside of romantic relationships). So the fact that this person and I always have great conversations, and that she in fact often seems to want to continue these after I have started walking away, makes me wonder ... ... I still think about her in more-than-a-friend ways. I know, too, that she was really burned by an unrequited crush not too terribly long ago. Sometimes I think I'm detecting signals that all doors may not be permanently closed, but perhaps this is just wishful thinking, or default male cluelessness. I recently thought "gee, what if I sent flowers? ANONYMOUS flowers?" What if? Would this be a good thing, or would it just be intensely annoying? It's a ridiculous question. 50% of me thinks "I'm getting too old to sit on my duff and think anyone is going to take notice," and the other 50% thinks "she said no in a pretty clear fashion, and rejection hurts -- so why invite more?" Thoughts?
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Anonymous flowers are incredibly creepy. Do not send them EVER to ANYONE. Do not send this woman flowers in this instance. She has already said no. Saying she wants to be single is girl code for I don't want to date you. If you were her Prince Charming she'd have been thrilled to give her singlehood for a relationship with Mr. Perfect. Alas, you are not that guy for her. Don't waste your money, 4
LilaMarie Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I agree with d0nnivain. Don't worry OP, plenty of fish in the sea :-)
Author chexmix Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 At my age, the fish are 99% married and stuff.
PaperCrane Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 She said no 'nicely' but isn't being that nice about sticking around when she knows your feelings. Either ask one last time, and let it be known that you think of her differently and that won't change so if she has an inkling that she might want something more with you, it's now or never. And be prepared to walk away. If not, then well...be prepared for when she does find someone that she wants to be with. If that image in your head cuts you, you know if you can either be friends or not. Be brutally honest with yourself.
Maggie4 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 No, you should not be too passive, but this girl is not one for you to go after. Go for a different girl.
joseb Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 OP, are you sure she isn't interested in something casual? This COULD be what she means by 'want to stay single' - worth a shot if you are of a similar mind (I read some of your other threads and it sounds like you don't want a LTR either)
paigej91 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 She wants to be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. If you can't be friends with her, then kindly let her know that before vanishing from her life. And the flowers would be an overkill, in my opinion.
Author chexmix Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 OP, are you sure she isn't interested in something casual? This COULD be what she means by 'want to stay single' - worth a shot if you are of a similar mind (I read some of your other threads and it sounds like you don't want a LTR either) Well, no, I don't know that -- and have wondered about it. I was afraid that that was "shallow commitment-shy guy" territory but I apparently there are women who are open to it. I don't know how one suggests light-hearted dalliance without coming across as a cad. But yes, what with my burnt-out heart, I am less than sanguine about entering upon another 'serious relationship' ... and on the other hand miss companionship terribly. I do know that she was completely devastated by a real jerk a few years back, so that might be partly to blame for her lack of enthusiasm (I do know that the simplest explanation is that she has zero romantic interest in me). Sigh sigh sigh.
Recommended Posts