Raena Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 You sound an awful lot like I did when I first started dating my ex. He did the same kind of stuff... push me away and then pull me back with over the top claims of adoration. He also contacted me often just like your guy is doing to you. If I didn't answer, there were nights that he would call me 50+ times. It was insane. I was drawn to him too. I'm not a big fan of drama at all, but he sucked me in and pushed me away so many times it was normal. I didn't understand my attraction to him either. My head said he wasn't the right guy but that rush of adrenaline I got whenever I was with him outweighed what my brain and my gut was telling me. I too thought I could manage it. The problem is... men like him are experts at what they do... the manipulating. I've since researched it multiple times trying to figure it out and the best I could come up with is that he's an abusive narcissist. Your man sounds similar. They know how to come on strong and "love bomb" you so well they leave your head spinning. Look it up... Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you think it describes him I'd RUN away as fast as can be because the longer you play with that fire, the more burned you'll get.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 I have been trying to figure it out because it has been an arduous puzzle. First, I was thinking possibly sociopath, the glib and charm. You brought up NPD, but from a convo yesterday I believe it is something else all together. I feel an underlying sweetness and empathy. We were texting while he was working yest. and he asked me my first experience. He said You first. When he explained his in a lustful way, I was shocked. He was only around 12 and he was seduced by a female in the neighborhood who was 5-6 older and had him straddle her and well you know all over her. They from then on did it daily like rabbits! I told him this was not normal, even if he felt grown, he was only a 'baby.' His mind was not fully developed. He replied that he has never thought it has affected him only that he loves and cannot stay away from woman's anatomy. He has started to be really great, I feel we are getting closer, him contacting, beginning to use pet (sweet) names, and did not in the beginning. BUT, he was abused, he objectifies women as an object for sex. There must be so many more hurdles too! He did not begin an emotional connection with a woman first in the important adolescent years and connect that with sex. I am now more confused than ever.
siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Your words screamed at me! I have been there and - you probably will not listen to this - but run for your life. Change your phone number and block him. Forget about him and move on. A liar is a liar and always will be a liar. End of story. Save yourself from this waste of space. Do you really believe that he is going suddenly change who he is - by saying sorry the way you want him to. Is that going to change the fact that he is a liar and - sorry - does not respect you? Life is too short to waste it on people like him. He doesn't deserve anybody if he is not willing to treat them with respect. I am sorry if I sound hard but you are going to get very hurt if you believe this man has any value for you. Forget attraction.
siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 He reminds me of my ex. My ex was so sweet and charming and a filthy cheating liar. He is a psychopath. He damages everybody that he comes into contact with. It's like abusing a drug. A person that smokes crack knows it is bad for them but they still do it anyway and suffer the consequences later. That is what will happen to you if you continue with this 'snake'.
Strahatmak Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Trust me, I have very similar experience before except the part my ex never runs to another woman. It is toxic because these men are very charming. They know how to talk to women to please them. They turn into evils very quickly when women try to leave them. They project many false fables and incorrect ideas to women's heads, like you cannot run away, you cannot live without me, etc. Those are sh!!!t stories to screw up your mind and totally not true. Those are the weapons to manipulate women. I'm not a professional but seems like many of them had a very difficult life before or during the childhood, and developed some kind of mantally unstable issue or personality disorder. No offense but some of them are very good in using their pasts to draw women for empathy. So trust me, just let go. Run away from him. It's very difficult. Like your case, we started off very sweet and full of promises. It even came so close that we were gonna get married! It took me a week to pull myself together to tell him I was breaking up with him. Beforer that it took me a good whole month under stresses and fighting back and forth whether I should break up or not.
Strahatmak Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Just break up with him OP. Pull yourself together and have the gut to tell him you two are over. No explanation needed. No need to meet up and tell him that. Just give him call and end the call quickly after you tell him that. After that, block, block, block. Ignore him. the basic rule is to treat him like nothing. Treat him like a spam. Do not react on any of his call or text. Believe that it will finally die down after two weeks. I know it is difficult because I've been through this crap.
stillafool Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 HE LIED, PLAYED GAMES, I BROKE IT OFF AND HE WILL NOT LET IT GO! You won't let it go either so I don't fault him. I don't understand your first post where you complain that he won't leave you alone and now you are head over heels in love with this guy. What did you want from this thread? 2
katiegrl Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) Just break up with him OP. Pull yourself together and have the gut to tell him you two are over. No explanation needed. No need to meet up and tell him that. Just give him call and end the call quickly after you tell him that. After that, block, block, block. Ignore him. the basic rule is to treat him like nothing. Treat him like a spam. Do not react on any of his call or text. Believe that it will finally die down after two weeks. I know it is difficult because I've been through this crap. Great advice but this psycho has pulled her back into the *honeymoon phase* so she's not likely to take this advice now. Maybe next time he goes AWOL on her (which he WILL no doubt!) ......but we've all been to this rodeo before with her, so even if she knows intellectually she should dump his ass, she is too emotionally and physically addicted, so this totally and toxic relationship will just keep going, unfortunately. Wish I could be more positive, but her own threads/posts make that impossible. Edited September 24, 2015 by katiegrl 1
siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 For the OP - I found the forum: psychopathfree a really useful resource when trying to get away from someone like that. Dealing with a psychopath is not like dealing with any other person. I understand what it is like to have to escape from a person like that. I had to move country, change my number several times, cut out mutual friends etc. He would not leave me alone and payed money to find me..... it can become a nightmare and many people (that have not had a similar experience) will not understand what you are going through. I hope you get rid of him as quickly as possible because the longer you stay involved the more damage he will do. I wish you lots of luck. 2
Strahatmak Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) Great advice but this psycho has pulled her back into the *honeymoon phase* so she's not likely to take this advice now. Maybe next time he goes AWOL on her (which he WILL no doubt!) ......but we've all been to this rodeo before with her, so even if she knows intellectually she should dump his ass, she is too emotionally and physically addicted, so this totally and toxic relationship will just keep going, unfortunately. Wish I could be more positive, but her own threads/posts make that impossible. So true. She will eventually find a way out. At this moment we can only keep telling her the fact and hoping her rational part will win over her emotional part sooner. I don't blame her though cause I totally understand having a toxic relationship with a psycho! They are perfect puppeteers. Their only but highly effective trick is to put their partners back to honeymoon phase. That lasts short, though. They will turn into evils again, and the cycle goes on and on. There's no way out unless she decides to turning her mind a hard and cold stone towards him. That took me a month to decide to break up with him, and another week to pull myself together to tell him I was breaking up. It wasn't an end, though. He didn't let me go either. He kept feeding me with fables also threatenings. He messed up all my social networking platforms and emails, and called my home and work. The horror went on a month and a half and eventually it died down, but I was glad that it was finally OVER. You do not want to hang out with these kind of people, OP. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. You are drugged by him and enjoying the illusion he creates for you. The illusion bubble will blast - it blasted once, and it will blast again. Again, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. You can consult a therapist and you will get the very same answer. Edited September 24, 2015 by Strahatmak
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Hi and thanks Strahatmak for your thoughts. Wow, you went through a lot. Yes, I feel a magnetic draw toward this man, but am now starting to lose much interest, because I need more substance, more deep conversation...he is opening up much more. I am going to see how our next meeting goes and if I am only getting, the being objectified feeling, I cannot endure this for long term.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Another thing is I am going to figure it out within a weeks time. I will give it a week. He has been sweet and attentive, contacts back instantaneously and many, 'as you wish,' for things I ask of.
Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Yes, I understand the eye rolls and shaking of heads. I know this is not the biggest light bulb moment in my lifetime. I do not know what is drawing me to this man. I feel screwed up. You aren't drawn to this man. Your reference above regarding the light bulb is more about how bugs are drawn to a light bulb. It's the heat . . . there is a warm body there. Just be careful so that you don't become a door mat. You told him it was off. Then you let him back in. That shows him you can't let him go. So he'll come and go as he pleases.
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