Just needing to vent about a recent breakup.

[start8957]

This is long, no need to comment or read. It is just something that makes me feel better by typing it out, but I do appreciate any feedback.

 

So my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. We started dating while he was in the military, it was long distance. We did this for a year. We were extremely happy. Always talking, always there for each other, and him coming home was the best feeling. However, once he came home for good, things started to change. Sex was less frequent, communication was an issue. Whenever I had a problem with something, I always tried to express it in a way so that we could work it out. He never once gave me his own opinion on a problem. He was very focused on himself, doing his own things, without putting me in the picture. Once I mentioned this, he changed. He included me in things, we spent time together.

About 8 months ago it started to feel like I was the only one putting work into the relationship. I was the only one planning things. I got insecure and thought that maybe he talking to someone else. We discussed moving in together, and he decided he wanted to go on a break about 2 months ago the week he was supposed to move in. He said he might have hormone problems when I tried to talk about any type of intimacy. He would say that he is a horrible person, he's unhappy, and he is a bad boyfriend. He would be very critical of himself and all I did was try to bring him back up. We thought maybe he was depressed. I agreed to stay by his side until he gets better.

Well, once we started our break, he still wanted to keep in touch. We would see a movie, go to the gym together. Until this slowly started to diminish over a 4 week period. Up to the point where he just didn't care about me and had no problem traveling 2 hours to hang out with another girl, a girl that I asked about once or twice because they seemed to be really close and I never heard of her. Once I found that out, I finally told him that if he had the guts to start a relationship, have some balls to end it. So he did. I was shocked. I put so much into this, I tried so hard to make it work. He never once sat me down and told me what bothered him and what he was unhappy with. If anything, he would tell me that I did nothing wrong and its him. He just shut down, pushed me away for 8 months, until he met someone else and the relationship ended. It is in my opinion cowardly. He said he would always love me but it's too late. How can someone say it is too late if they never even sat down, discussed problems, and gave it another chance? How am I supposed to know what to fix if I do not know what the problem is. I know I am not perfect, but I am willing to work on things in order to make the relationship work.

 

I think he enjoyed a long distance relationship while he was in the military. He always had someone home for him, waiting and loving him. It was probably an amazing feeling considering military life. Towards the end of the relationship, he said that once he got home, things were not as he expected. Maybe he is not ready for a real relationship (I was his first long term of two years). He doesn't seem to be emotionally mature when it comes to talking about problems. And he is a coward in my opinion because he took the easy way out of disappearing.

 

Its been no contact for 2 weeks, until today when he is coming to get his stuff. It's been 3 days since I checked his social media, and I reward myself every time I get through a whole day without doing that (it is VERY hard for me). Unfortunately Its not private so doesn't matter that I blocked and deleted him. It just hurts too much to see him with someone else right away, considering how he treated me.

 

This still hurts. And I am upset that it ended the way it did; dragging me along, running away, meeting someone else, no consideration for someone who obviously gave it all she has and tried for months. But I deserve better. I deserve a man, not a boy.

 

I am actually a bit happier now without him. Yes I miss all of our good times, which were the best I ever had. But I do not have to constantly give and receive nothing in return. I don't have to be ecstatic every time I get a little bit of love and attention from him, and try to grasp on to it until it disappeared again. I don't have to plan our time spent together. I stepped back, looked at what I can improve about myself, and for once in a long time, I am focusing on what makes me happy ON MY OWN without depending on him to make me happy. I can't wait when I can go through a whole day without a single thought of him and a feeling of sadness and anger.

Edited September 21, 2015 by start8957

[EO422]

This is long, no need to comment or read. It is just something that makes me feel better by typing it out

 

So my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. We started dating while he was in the military, it was long distance. We did this for a year. We were extremely happy. Always talking, always there for each other, and him coming home was the best feeling. However, once he came home for good, things started to change. Sex was less frequent, communication was an issue. Whenever I had a problem with something, I always tried to express it in a way so that we could work it out. He never once gave me his own opinion on a problem. He was very focused on himself, doing his own things, without putting me in the picture. Once I mentioned this, he changed. He included me in things, we spent time together.

About 8 months ago it started to feel like I was the only one putting work into the relationship. I was the only one planning things. I got insecure and thought that maybe he talking to someone else. We discussed moving in together, and he decided he wanted to go on a break about 2 months ago the week he was supposed to move in. He said he might have hormone problems when I tried to talk about any type of intimacy. He would say that he is a horrible person, he's unhappy, and he is a bad boyfriend. He would be very critical of himself and all I did was try to bring him back up. We thought maybe he was depressed. I agreed to stay by his side until he gets better.

Well, once we started our break, he still wanted to keep in touch. We would see a movie, go to the gym together. Until this slowly started to diminish over a 4 week period. Up to the point where he just didn't care about me and had no problem traveling 2 hours to hang out with another girl, a girl that I asked about once or twice because they seemed to be really close and I never heard of her. Once I found that out, I finally told him that if he had the guts to start a relationship, have some balls to end it. So he did. I was shocked. I put so much into this, I tried so hard to make it work. He never once sat me down and told me what bothered him and what he was unhappy with. If anything, he would tell me that I did nothing wrong and its him. He just shut down, pushed me away for 8 months, until he met someone else and the relationship ended. It is in my opinion cowardly. He said he would always love me but it's too late. How can someone say it is too late if they never even sat down, discussed problems, and gave it another chance? How am I supposed to know what to fix if I do not know what the problem is. I know I am not perfect, but I am willing to work on things in order to make the relationship work.

 

I think he enjoyed a long distance relationship while he was in the military. He always had someone home for him, waiting and loving him. It was probably an amazing feeling considering military life. Towards the end of the relationship, he said that once he got home, things were not as he expected. Maybe he is not ready for a real relationship (I was his first long term of two years). He doesn't seem to be emotionally mature when it comes to talking about problems. And he is a coward in my opinion because he took the easy way out of disappearing.

 

Its been no contact for 2 weeks, until today when he is coming to get his stuff. It's been 3 days since I checked his social media, and I reward myself every time I get through a whole day without doing that (it is VERY hard for me). Unfortunately Its not private so doesn't matter that I blocked and deleted him. It just hurts too much to see him with someone else right away, considering how he treated me.

 

This still hurts. And I am upset that it ended the way it did; dragging me along, running away, meeting someone else, no consideration for someone who obviously gave it all she has and tried for months. But I deserve better. I deserve a man, not a boy.

 

I am actually a bit happier now without him. Yes I miss all of our good times, which were the best I ever had. But I do not have to constantly give and receive nothing in return. I don't have to be ecstatic every time I get a little bit of love and attention from him, and try to grasp on to it until it disappeared again. I don't have to plan our time spent together. I stepped back, looked at what I can improve about myself, and for once in a long time, I am focusing on what makes me happy ON MY OWN without depending on him to make me happy. I can't wait when I can go through a whole day without a single thought of him and a feeling of sadness and anger.

 

 

Sounds likes exactly what my gf did to me. The break, and after 4 weeks she slowly started to vanish. Ridiculous. She didn't even end it, I had to because she stopped replying to my texts/phone calls. It's BULL****. I want her back. I do. But I hope she either comes back now, because if she doesn't realize what she did, then she will lose her chance because I WILL find someone better. See l, the thing with my gf. She was worried she was making a mistake, and oh boy is she. The clock is ticking. I am healing now!

 

That's what we need to do! Is heal! Do not look at his social media. Get rid of it! Log out. Delete the apps on your phone so you CANT go look at it.

[NVO]

It's not your fault at all. Some exes just try to justify the break-up by blaming everyone except themselves. He will encouter the same problems again and again in any other relationship because he does not address his problems but just walks away and start all over again with somebody new.

 

Seems to me you gave it all you've got. You ask why you never got the chance to fight for things, but it seems to me he already gave you the chance. You were always trying to fix things. You saw him moving away, you tried fixing things and brought him close to you again. Sounds like my ex haha.

 

But even though you gave it your best shot, it wasn't enough for him. Let him be. Instead of blaming yourself you should be really proud of yourself for your capability to put this much effort in a relationship. That is a great gift! Just be sure the next time that it isn't just you who is doing all the work.

[start8957]

Next time I'll know when to let go earlier. It was always just one sided, my fault for letting it go on that long. But I learned that I'm a pretty good person for believing in someone and us as long as I did. Apparently I'll find someone who will appreciate that one day, let's hope that's true. Because at this point it seems a bit hopeless