enchanted771 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 My boyfriend and I have reached a point in our relationship, where we are constantly at eachothers throats. He and I do not always share views. But when I try to just drop it he gets very pissed off saying he is a man not a child and talking very loud. Then I tell him to lower his voice and to stop screaming and he gets pissed off saying he is the man, and wont be talked to like a child. He does have unresolved issues from his childhood but I am starting to catch on to his past relationship problems too. When I try to tell him what to do, or scold him he feels like a child again. He has to feel like he is the man so he raises his voice very loudly. When I tell him to shut up or be quiet or just "shhhhhh" he gets even more upset. I do interrupt him a lot which upsets him. I can take responsibility for that, but he has to also respect the fact that I don't like the way he talks as well. It immediately puts me on the defensive. He needs to also get over the fact that he doesn't want to be told what to do. I am allowed to speak my mind, and if he has mommy issues he needs to go see someone about resolving it. His last relationship failed because of her cheating but it also failed because he didn't like her telling him what to do. It seems to me that when he doesn't like something he has a tantrum. There is bad communication here but I am looking for advice on how to resolve this without yelling, screaming, and blaming. It is just too much stress. We both live together. Also, when I don't agree with him on something he goes into his whole rant about the subject as if he can change my mind. That's why I change the subject or say "lets just drop it" then he gets angry. I will say when we aren't fighting he is really good to me. Affectionate, etc. I just cant take fighting all the time.
Diezel Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Break up with him. As time goes on, it's only going to get worse. Find a relationship where "arguing too much" isn't a constant.
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Stop scolding him & treating him like a child. It takes two to argue. When he starts to get belligerent, you don't take the bait. However when you ask him to lower his voice, especially in public he should. Crying that he won't be told what to go is not constructive. If this happens all the time it's an indication that you may not be well suited. 1
Author enchanted771 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 Stop scolding him & treating him like a child. It takes two to argue. When he starts to get belligerent, you don't take the bait. However when you ask him to lower his voice, especially in public he should. Crying that he won't be told what to go is not constructive. If this happens all the time it's an indication that you may not be well suited. Yes I understand. So, if he starts to act belligerent what would a good reaction or response?
Jacob_Duluoz Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Counseling or walk? You're not going to change his behaviors, that's his choice.
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Yes I understand. So, if he starts to act belligerent what would a good reaction or response? Whisper any response but start it with, I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm willing to talk about it in a calm manner. Repeat as needed but never above a whisper.
TunaCat Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Personally, I wouldn't put up with that. Any of that. Just the talking loud & the screaming would be enough for me. Granted my teenage years were spent with a stepfather who screamed & yelled so I have no tolerance for that. This is not a healthy relationship for either of you.
No_Go Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I had post recently similar thread (frequent fights) BUT we never allow screaming at each other. Arguments can mean you are getting more comfortable to express opinions (I think that what it turned to be in our case), but again - screaming, saying that "he's the man" is a red flag for future abusive relationship (well... it is already verbally abusive if you feel threatened). He should go to therapy to work on his anger management, you should ask him to respect or boundaries... or break it. Do you have a big age difference btw? My boyfriend and I have reached a point in our relationship, where we are constantly at eachothers throats. He and I do not always share views. But when I try to just drop it he gets very pissed off saying he is a man not a child and talking very loud. Then I tell him to lower his voice and to stop screaming and he gets pissed off saying he is the man, and wont be talked to like a child. He does have unresolved issues from his childhood but I am starting to catch on to his past relationship problems too. When I try to tell him what to do, or scold him he feels like a child again. He has to feel like he is the man so he raises his voice very loudly. When I tell him to shut up or be quiet or just "shhhhhh" he gets even more upset. I do interrupt him a lot which upsets him. I can take responsibility for that, but he has to also respect the fact that I don't like the way he talks as well. It immediately puts me on the defensive. He needs to also get over the fact that he doesn't want to be told what to do. I am allowed to speak my mind, and if he has mommy issues he needs to go see someone about resolving it. His last relationship failed because of her cheating but it also failed because he didn't like her telling him what to do. It seems to me that when he doesn't like something he has a tantrum. There is bad communication here but I am looking for advice on how to resolve this without yelling, screaming, and blaming. It is just too much stress. We both live together. Also, when I don't agree with him on something he goes into his whole rant about the subject as if he can change my mind. That's why I change the subject or say "lets just drop it" then he gets angry. I will say when we aren't fighting he is really good to me. Affectionate, etc. I just cant take fighting all the time.
Arun1910 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Just talk to him. When you guys are happy with each other tell him how you love the happy times and tell him how sad it makes you when you argue. It will put things in perspective and heavily hint it makes you unhappy.
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