katiegrl Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Some guy hit on her. She shot him down. He bought her a flower. She still shot him down but gee she thought it was a pretty flower so she took a picture of it. I'm sure she was flattered that he bought it for her. But the picture means nothing more than she liked the flower. Relax. You haven't been disrespected. You haven't been cheated on. At most you were complimented -- another man thought your lady was attractive. That's all. Okay but why did she have to tell her boyfriend about it? I get hit on quite often and I don't go home and tell my boyfriend about every Tom, Dick and Harry who hit on me that day. Why would I? To stir up jealousy? To cause drama? Why? THAT's my issue with this chick. She got hit on, fine. She should have kept it to her damn self. There was NO reason to tell her boyfriend (the OP) about it...other than to cause jealousy and stir up drama. NONE. And apparently this was not the first time either.. Also, I agree with Diezel! In that she should NEVER have allowed said guy to (a) buy her a drink, and (b) give her rose. She's an attention whore and rubbing the OP's face in it by telling him. Ugh!! Edited September 21, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Nah katie, I get hit on all the time and share w/my BF. It's not to stir up jealousy lol, we just share like that. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Nah katie, I get hit on all the time and share w/my BF. It's not to stir up jealousy lol, we just share like that. We like to share too jen....but knowing my boyfriend, he would get riled up by not only the fact I get hit on so often (like am I flirting?)....but questioning why I would want to tell him. I dunno, that kinda stuff just gets old. I have guys hitting on me three times a day sometimes. He's super hunky and I know HE gets hit on too.... but doesn't come home announcing it to me. TBH, by the time I get home, I forgot all about it anyway... it's just par for the course. Edited September 21, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Okay but why did she have to tell her boyfriend about it? I get hit on quite often and I don't go home and tell my boyfriend about every Tom, Dick and Harry who hit on me that day. Why would I? To stir up jealousy? To cause drama? Why? THAT's my issue with this chick. She got hit on, fine. She should have kept it to her damn self. There was NO reason to tell her boyfriend (the OP) about it...other than to cause jealousy and stir up drama. NONE. And apparently this was not the first time either.. There are two school of thought on this. Some people say that when in a relationship if you get hit on you have to run home & immediately tell your SO otherwise you are hiding something. I got the sense that this woman told her BF in a spirit of full disclosure. Many others saw it as her stirring up trouble. I think this would have been far worse & a lot less innocent if he found out about all this through a trickle truth, dragging it out of her scenario. In her shoes I probably would have kept the flower but told my man how I came to have it. In a drunken moment of self promotion would I have taken a picture of the flower I got & posted it? maybe. Drunks don't always make the best choices. Where I part company with this woman is at her BF's reaction. If my guy was upset I would have thrown out the flower, deleted the photo & said sorry. In the end, I can't see breaking up over what she actually did on this particular night since she didn't make out with this other guy or worse. However if this turns out to the 1st step down a slippery slope, that's something else. Although I don't see grounds for suspicion at this point if the OP feels like he can never trust her again, this relationship is over anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 We like to share too jen....but knowing my boyfriend, he would get riled up by not only the fact I get hit on so often (like am I flirting?)....but questioning why I would want to tell him. I dunno, that kinda stuff just gets old. I have guys hitting on me three times a day sometimes. He's super hunky and I know HE gets hit on too.... but doesn't come home announcing it to me. TBH, by the time I get home, I forgot all about it anyway... it's just par for the course. Ok, but diff ppl do things differently and have diff sensibilities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Ok, but diff ppl do things differently and have diff sensibilities. I realize that and fair enough.... She just sounds like bad news though IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 She is so excited that she was hit on by this guy that not only did she take a picture of the rose, but she just had to tell you about her "new friend." Not good. My guess is this new friend will not be going away. That guy isn't a friend, he's just a random dude who hit on your girl at the bar. She keeps telling him she is involved with someone, but she keeps letting this guy hit on her, and even allows him a way to keep in touch with her after they met. She gave him a huge green light. Think about this for a moment. Your GF gets hit on by another guy and gives him her contact information so they can keep in touch via Instagram. After bringing your legitimate concerns up to her, here you are feeling like you might actually be in the wrong. That is because she played the very typical "you are insecure" card that ladies in her position love to play. The fact is, you aren't being insecure by calling her out, quite the opposite. The problem here is her lack of loyalty to you, not any insecurity on your part. I would let me GF know that I don't date women who behave like this and break things off. She just isn't relationship material. Agree! My gut told me she was (is) bad news, and this^^ is why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 My ex did lots of stuff that, when looking back, was just game-playing and trying to make me jealous and know how many men (and women) were after her. RIGHT as we were dating, she told me about how someone left a rose on her doorstep. Then it was screenshots of her ex's pathetic texts to her. Then it was declarations of love from random men around her city. Then it was a doctor (!) who worked with or knew a co-worker of hers, asking her out. Then the female "friend" of hers whom she had previously dated (my ex is bi-) who got drunk and proclaimed her love for my ex. It was always somebody vying for her attention, and I always had to hear about it. It didn't really make me jealous, since I was confident she was mine... in this way, I'm sure my reaction was "disappointing" to her. In retrospect, though, it was a way to show me how many options she had, should I mess up or whatever. Yet, if I even mentioned a girl talking to me, I was an a**hole. I would get the silent treatment. Your choice if you want to play her childish games, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 My ex did lots of stuff that, when looking back, was just game-playing and trying to make me jealous and know how many men (and women) were after her. RIGHT as we were dating, she told me about how someone left a rose on her doorstep. Then it was screenshots of her ex's pathetic texts to her. Then it was declarations of love from random men around her city. Then it was a doctor (!) who worked with or knew a co-worker of hers, asking her out. Then the female "friend" of hers whom she had previously dated (my ex is bi-) who got drunk and proclaimed her love for my ex. It was always somebody vying for her attention, and I always had to hear about it. It didn't really make me jealous, since I was confident she was mine... in this way, I'm sure my reaction was "disappointing" to her. In retrospect, though, it was a way to show me how many options she had, should I mess up or whatever. Yet, if I even mentioned a girl talking to me, I was an a**hole. I would get the silent treatment. Your choice if you want to play her childish games, OP. So interesting to hear the guys' take on this. I KNOW my bf would feel the same. I have read that book by Steve Harvey "Act Like A Lady, THINK Like A Man," but didn't realize it had such an impact because I really DO think like a man sometimes.... And of course ACT like a lady at the same time....hehe Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Well, katie, what do you think of my ex doing that stuff? Manipulative, or not? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Well, katie, what do you think of my ex doing that stuff? Manipulative, or not? Did you read my post 29? YES, manipulative! IMO to stir jealousy and cause drama, just like you said. And there is no reason for it. Which is one reason why I don't tell my boyfriend about it.... but the MAIN reason is because by the time I get home, I have forgotten all about it anyway.... which is the way it should be when one is in a committed LTR. (IMO) It's just not a huge deal to me (getting hit up)... not even worth mentioning......we have more exciting things to talk about. Edit: Sorry jen, I don't think this applies to you because I KNOW you don't have a manipulative bone in your body. But I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.... Edited September 21, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 She's playing games. She wanted this reaction out of you. And now that she can label you as " insecure" which is false, she will use that word to push her very poorly exercised boundaries 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm not someone who get jealous easily, but I still would be a bit miffed at this. More at the fact that she is posting the pic and telling me about it then anything else really. I know girls in relationships get hit on and get drinks bought a lot, etc. Hell, I reckon about half the girls I chat up turn out to have BFs (I'm not counting the fake BF excuse ones) and most of them are more than happy for the attention, though the don't let it get too far generally. But in this case I get the feeling she is stirring things up a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Tell you what I think. I'm a guy, a old guy (67) but at one time I was young and a lot better looking than I am now and I went to bars, met women there...................and have been shut down. I know shut down when I here and see it. Had it happen enough times to know that I wasn't not only getting to first base but not even out of the dug out. So with that said, let me tell you that if she was going to shut the guy down, she would have refused the drink, not accepted the rose, not given him the info so he can follow her on IG and she wouldn't have taken pictures of the rose and talked about her new friend so basically she handed you a line of Shinola hoping you would buy it as innocent talking and when you didn't you got branded with the insecure that she'll use at every turn. My advice is blow her off. let her know that you can do better and your at a age where your not going to play high school games with any girl and walk away. Drop it all back in her lap like she just did to you and let her deal with it. Go out with your buddies and on your way to the bar, stop and buy a couple roses, give them away to some random girl in the bar, take a picture of it, post it with the caption "me and my new friend" and see how she likes it. Nah. Just find someone who isn't into head games. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Here's another theory. This guy she met is a figment of her imagination and none of this actually happened and the picture of the rose was not hers. Her actions are very deliberate and in reality they don't really add up, so I reckon her goal could have been to get a message across to the OP that he's not paying her enough attention or simply to get him jealous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I got the sense that this woman told her BF in a spirit of full disclosure. She calls me when she gets home. She's really drunk and tells me how the night went and mentioned how she met a new friend. Spirit of full disclosure? Sure. If by spirit of full disclosure, you mean alcohol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Honestly, my first thought is she is on the way out. Sorry op. She's not acting like a woman in a relationship. Instagram is the new POf, btw. Maybe I could see it being disclosure if she had not given out contact info. What if next time she gets drunk, she makes a 'mistake' and sleeps with him. I don't understand why someone in a relationship is out getting drunk with the friends. This sounds like a regular thing, please correct me if I'm wrong. IMO this doesn't sound like someone who is trying to safeguard her relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Disconnect Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 RE the OP's opening post, I believe her when she said it was just a photo / just in her hand. She took a picture of the rose (didn't hide it in her bag, whatever). She was open and honest and told you the interaction with this guy. It's not her fault if some guy comes up to her. She told him she had a boyfriend. Be careful not too push this too far, blow it out of proportion and piss her off. If you had anything to worry about, she would have kept the rose a secret, and told you nothing about that guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 drewdude, you should think about exactly what your concerns are. You said you do trust her, you have no problem with her going out with her girlfriends? It's not important who's right or wrong. You can have everyone tell you that you're right and she's a bad gf, you'd still want to be clear whether this is an isolated case where she made a mistake, or is there an underlying problem. Do you feel disrespected? Do you get enough attention? You said trust is not an issue. Are you sure? Or do you think if you admitted to not trusting her, you'd be labeled insecure? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 That's the problem, your advice is based on what YOU would say. that's the case for everyone here, not just d0nnevain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 that's the case for everyone here, not just d0nnevain Not always, there are cases of objectivity. She's basing it on her own relationship, not the actual situation. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Eventually one of them will penetrate her defenses if she keeps letting them get so close. Dude didn't get close enough to do anything other than be out of $$ for a drink and a flower. Link to post Share on other sites
Disconnect Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Ah, so she gave out her contact info. Yes, that changes it completely. Pretty weird. Certainly murky. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Not always, there are cases of objectivity. She's basing it on her own relationship, not the actual situation. but you base your advice on your own experiences, right? We all do. You can't base it on the experiences you've never had. If so, it's not authentic--it's regurgitated/made up/speculation. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) but you base your advice on your own experiences, right? We all do. You can't base it on the experiences you've never had. If so, it's not authentic--it's regurgitated/made up/speculation. Hmmmm.... if one has a decent enough grasp of human nature/behavior in general, through reading, observing what others have experienced, etc. it's possible to be objective and base your opinion on your knowledge/observations thereof.... It is still all speculation though, even if one were to base it on his/her own experiences. Edited September 22, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
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