Another guy gave my girlfriend a rose

[drewdude]

Hello LS. So last night my gf went out for a girls night for one of her friends bday. As the night goes on, I see a that she took a picture of a red rose on her snapchat. She calls me when she gets home. She's really drunk and tells me how the night went and mentioned how she met a new friend. I bring up the rose picture I saw.

 

She said this "new friend" bought her a drink and started talking to her, he was going to buy her another drink but she told him she has a bf. He was like oh that's cool it's nothing like that. So they continue taking and as he's about to leave, he brings her a rose. She told him thanks but that she is involved with someone. She said they didn't exchange numbers but he followed her on instagram.

 

I let her know how I felt and why would she post a snap about that if it didn't mean anything. Her reason was because she thought nothing of it and "it was in her hand". She also started calling me insecure. When I've never been insecure and trust was never the issue. So it led to an argument which didn't get resolved and now I'm here. Was I wrong for expressing my concern? She knows his intentions were clear but why hold onto something like that? Btw I have given her roses/flowers from time to time so that's not an issue. Would appreciate the help. Thanks

[Diezel]

Looks like she's trying to poke the bear. I have no patience or time for women trying to do that.

 

Any woman worth being with, would know that that is a relationship foul and instantly NOT do it.

 

Let alone even accept the first drink from the guy.

[PegNosePete]

You are not insecure. You have a totally valid reason for doubting her integrity because despite saying she had a BF, she was acting like a single woman.

 

Women who are in relationships do not accept drinks from random guys at bars.

Women who are in relationships do not accept roses from other guys.

Women who are in relationships do put put pics of said rose on their social media.

Women who are in relationships do not make "new friends" who are quite obviously trying to get in their pants.

 

Sorry to say but your GF is not behaving like someone who is happily in a monogamous relationship. She is acting like a single woman. I would tell her that from now on she is free to carry on acting single because from now on she is single. Goodbye.

[jen1447]

You're not wrong to express your concern but you may be wrong not to accept her explanation.

 

This isn't about the rose tho, it's about the stability of your relationship. The rose won't cause a stable R to become unstable, but it can be a catalyst for churning up insecurities about an unstable R. I'd look at the core issues here - is your R strong and do you trust your GF - and forget about the specific deets and whether she tweets a rose or not. If your R's strong you don't have to worry about your GF getting random roses and whatever she does with them, but if it isn't you've got bigger problems than some guy buying her a drink and giving her a flower.

[Imported]

. He was like oh that's cool it's nothing like that. So they continue taking and as he's about to leave, he brings her a rose.. Thanks

 

Yes it was like that and she knew damn well. She wanted her ego fed. You're not being insecure, she is being care less.

[Diezel]

You're not wrong to express your concern but you may be wrong not to accept her explanation.

 

This isn't about the rose tho, it's about the stability of your relationship. The rose won't cause a stable R to become unstable, but it can be a catalyst for churning up insecurities about an unstable R.

 

The only one churning anything up is the girlfriend.

 

Read PegNosePete's post. That's four strikes.

[Imported]

The only one churning anything up is the girlfriend.

 

Read PegNosePete's post. That's four strikes.

 

Some people like drama. They claim all day long they don't, but they create drama when they could have simply avoided it. So, they must like drama. I wouldn't concern myself about some dude giving my girl a rose, unless the ****er does it to my face or knows about me. I would be concerned about how my girl reacts to it.

Edited September 21, 2015 by Imported

[popcornpuff]

You're definitely not in the wrong. Your girlfriend accepting the rose may or may not have been disrespectful, depending on your opinion. However, your girlfriend posting it online despite your concerns shows a clear lack of respect for your feelings.

[d0nnivain]

Some guy hit on her. She shot him down. He bought her a flower. She still shot him down but gee she thought it was a pretty flower so she took a picture of it. I'm sure she was flattered that he bought it for her. But the picture means nothing more than she liked the flower. Relax. You haven't been disrespected. You haven't been cheated on. At most you were complimented -- another man thought your lady was attractive. That's all.

[Smitten and Bitten]

You're not wrong to express your concern but you may be wrong not to accept her explanation.

 

This isn't about the rose tho, it's about the stability of your relationship. The rose won't cause a stable R to become unstable, but it can be a catalyst for churning up insecurities about an unstable R. I'd look at the core issues here - is your R strong and do you trust your GF - and forget about the specific deets and whether she tweets a rose or not. If your R's strong you don't have to worry about your GF getting random roses and whatever she does with them, but if it isn't you've got bigger problems than some guy buying her a drink and giving her a flower.

 

Well if she wanted to de-stabilize the relationship accepting a romantic gift from someone who isn't her boyfriend is a good start.

[Diezel]

Some guy hit on her. She shot him down.

 

She shot him down after he bought her the first drink.

 

That should have never happened, nor the rest of what happened after.

 

Stop being an apologist.

[d0nnivain]

She shot him down after he bought her the first drink.

 

That should have never happened, nor the rest of what happened after.

 

Stop being an apologist.

 

I'm not being an apologist. I honestly don't think she did anything wrong. If her BF is completely bent, sure she owes him an apology for upsetting him, which was never her intention, but she has no ability to control the behavior of some guy in a bar, besides a free drink is a free drink. It's not a request for an affair.

 

I'm a grown woman, who is happily married. Me accepting a drink or a flower from another man, is not going to upend my marriage because while both gestures can be intros to more, they are not in and of themselves infidelity.

 

When the OP told his GF he was upset, she should have said sorry I upset you & deleted the instagram picture. She didn't have sex with this other guy on the pool table in the middle of the club for pete's sake.

[Diezel]

When the OP told his GF he was upset, she should have said sorry I upset you & deleted the instagram picture. She didn't have sex with this other guy on the pool table in the middle of the club for pete's sake.

 

That's the problem, your advice is based on what YOU would say.

 

But that's not the case here. She didn't delete it or say sorry, she went straight to "insecure".

 

Sure, she didn't have sex with the guy in the middle of the club, but if he lets this slide, he's just telling her that this behavior is okay and it could eventually get to that. By then, he's set a precedent.

 

To say that he needs to be trusting ALSO means that she needs to earn that trust. In this case, she clearly did not.

 

I know that my girlfriend would NEVER accept a drink from another man, not even the first one if there was EVER any sexual pretext, which in this case, there CLEARLY was... it was a girl's night out, not an after-work happy hour. This is why I'd never have to worry about trust issues, because we both know our boundaries and I'd never do anything to test hers, nor her to test mine.

 

You said a drink OR a flower... in this case, it was a drink, a flower, and a reminder of all of that for the boyfriend and the rest of the world to see.

 

Sorry, but in this case, the OP's girlfriend failed and her response to the situation, failed.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Sorry, but a woman in a relationship accepting a free drink in a bar says one of two things, neither of which reflect well on her:

 

1) She's open to flirting with somebody and wants to give the impression she's available.

2) She is happy to take someone's money, despite only doing so under the pretence of being interested. So, essentially, dishonesty.

 

As a happily coupled up woman, no way on earth would I accept a drink from a guy in a bar. The flower thing is a little different depending on circumstances, it's more unusual so the meaning isn't as easily deduced, but the whole buying a woman a drink thing is so completely embedded in our culture as meaning he's interested in her sexually/romantically.

 

And now he's following her on instagram, he could only have done that if he was given enough information to find her. She wanted him to be able to contact her afterwards. Sorry, but if she's in a relationship with you, accepting drinks from random new guys in bars shows that she's either looking to or receptive to cheating, or she's the kind of girl who'll lead anyone on for a free drink. I'd be worried too.

[CarrieT]

Some guy hit on her. She shot him down. He bought her a flower. She still shot him down but gee she thought it was a pretty flower so she took a picture of it. I'm sure she was flattered that he bought it for her. But the picture means nothing more than she liked the flower. Relax. You haven't been disrespected. You haven't been cheated on. At most you were complimented -- another man thought your lady was attractive. That's all.

 

Except for one thing: He started following her on Instagram. While she may not have given him her phone number, she gave him access to her via a very popular social networking site and is now able to contact her via that app.

 

Inappropriate on her part to allow continued ability to stay in contact.

[SSJROMANCE]

You're not wrong to express your concern but you may be wrong not to accept her explanation.

 

This isn't about the rose tho, it's about the stability of your relationship. The rose won't cause a stable R to become unstable, but it can be a catalyst for churning up insecurities about an unstable R. I'd look at the core issues here - is your R strong and do you trust your GF - and forget about the specific deets and whether she tweets a rose or not. If your R's strong you don't have to worry about your GF getting random roses and whatever she does with them, but if it isn't you've got bigger problems than some guy buying her a drink and giving her a flower.

 

The problem is these are the things that eventually lead to cheating. Accepting a "innocent" drink then accepting a "innocent" rose before you know it they are chatting and flirting online then one day your girlfriend is in bed with a dude who obviously doesn't care if she has a boyfriend or not.

 

If your girlfriend really loves you she needs to set boundaries. Entertaining another guys advances while she is dating you went outside the boundaries of your relationship. Maybe she is naive maybe she has low self-esteem and enjoys validation from other guys I don't know but I think she needs to understand what she did and offer you an apology instead of putting labels on you.

 

If she continues to welcome flirts and advances from other guys then maybe rethink this relationship. In my view she is either into you or she isn't into you. She can't have it both ways.

[Mrin]

Honestly the only thing she did wrong was posting the pic on Instagram (which is certainly poking the bear) and then calling her BF insecure for objecting to it. The stuff that happened earlier - she handled that fine.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have to agree with everyone here. It is at least a bad sign that she is so willing to test the waters with this guy.

 

She did shoot him down....but what about the next guy and the next guy? Eventually one of them will penetrate her defenses if she keeps letting them get so close.

[PaperCrane]

That's a party foul.

 

She didn't do anything else so maybe her sensibilities are different. Just have a chat about what you feel okay boundaries are. If she can't understand why you're upset, then you'll either have to live with it or move on.

 

Women will get hit on all the time. It's what they do while in a RL when that happens that can really point out a persons character.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I know it's not cheating but come one...

 

She took a drink he bought her.

 

She took the rose he gave her.

 

 

She participated and "accepted" these things from him.

 

 

IF she was TRULY shooting him down absolutely she wouldn't have accepted the drink or the rose.

 

I think so too. It's not shooting someone down to accept their drink or rose. It's a massive blinking green light.

[Ruby Slippers]

Except for one thing: He started following her on Instagram. While she may not have given him her phone number, she gave him access to her via a very popular social networking site and is now able to contact her via that app.

 

Inappropriate on her part to allow continued ability to stay in contact.

I agree that this is the worst infraction. She also was wrong to accept the drink, accept the rose and publish it to her social media, then accuse you of being insecure when she's the one who's destabilized the bond. But giving him her contact info was the most disrespectful part.

 

Giving him her Instagram handle was basically equivalent to giving him her e-mail address. He is now free to contact her and keep the attention stream coming.

 

If you want to stay with her, you're going to have to make it very clear you won't tolerate this disrespect. If you don't, she won't respect you as a man, and it's the beginning of the end.

 

But now you know you're with a woman who thinks nothing of entertaining another man's advances like this. In my opinion, not a good choice for a monogamous relationship.

[Oregon_Dude]

My ex thought it was perfectly fine to meet up with single men one-on-one for drinks, while we were together.

 

I quickly made it clear this was not OK. She stopped.

 

However, her need for attention from anyone and everyone will likely never cease, so it's probably good that we broke up.

 

Your GF is disrespecting you. Assert your boundaries. If she can't/won't accept them, walk.

[d0nnivain]

I didn't understand he was following her on IG. That is a problem. Continued contact is too much.

 

I still think the OP & most of the LS posters are overreacting to the drink & the flower. But I draw those boundaries very differently then most people.

 

Once someone in a relationship knows that their actions, however innocent, upset their partner, an apology is in order. She is wrong for withholding that & failing to even try to see her BFs POV.

[Siquijor]

I don't get it.

 

 

Why would she phone you up and tell you about a male 'friend' she just met even before you mentioned the rose?

 

 

Either she's very naïve or she's playing some kind of game. Perhaps she wants you to get jealous?????

[Diezel]

I still think the OP & most of the LS posters are overreacting to the drink & the flower.

 

Unfortunately, everything ties in together. So it's not a situation of one thing or another. It's steps of a whole process.

 

I've learned in my life that anyone willing to do all of the things she has done, in succession, in one night, is worth passing up. Life is too short to be dealing with garbage like this.