Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I recently returned to online dating and had someone inexplicably disappear on me after we had made plans for a second date. Coming here I've learned that "ghosting" (what a great term, so vivid and apt) appears to be very common. One person said they'd been ghosted on after several dates, which is just mind-boggling to me. I've been told that this behavior is just something you have to expect and endure in online dating. I don't doubt that, but surely there must be signs that certain people are more likely to disappear? Have the more experienced OLDers here discovered any tell-tale signs of likely ghosters? For example, being evasive or vague when trying to schedule a date. Or are ghosts truly beyond the realm of comprehension? 1
menyou Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 At first I thought you should have posted in the paranormal forum. I guess dating is a good place too. Lol Reading about this phenomenon, it seems that there's no way to tell. Just as there is no way to tell if you'll be cheated on. Dishonesty and betrayal rules.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 One particular ghost is the guy who disappears after you've somehow made it plain you won't have sex on a first date.... Dead giveaway. If you'll pardon the pun. 3
Yummm Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Don't want to jynx it but in my last month of dating (12 dates) I haven't had anyone flake on me yet! Not sure why people do it, perhaps they get cold feet or just enjoy the rush of having a pen pal.. Online dating is brutal, don't get disheartened, power through! 1
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 One particular ghost is the guy who disappears after you've somehow made it plain you won't have sex on a first date.... Dead giveaway. If you'll pardon the pun. Haha. From now on my first test will be to make it clear that I never have sex on the first date . As a (somewhat shy) guy, knowing that about someone before dating would take some pressure off.
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 At first I thought you should have posted in the paranormal forum. I guess dating is a good place too. Lol Reading about this phenomenon, it seems that there's no way to tell. Just as there is no way to tell if you'll be cheated on. Dishonesty and betrayal rules. Yeah, they do. They're also smarter than me.
Redhead14 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I recently returned to online dating and had someone inexplicably disappear on me after we had made plans for a second date. Coming here I've learned that "ghosting" (what a great term, so vivid and apt) appears to be very common. One person said they'd been ghosted on after several dates, which is just mind-boggling to me. I've been told that this behavior is just something you have to expect and endure in online dating. I don't doubt that, but surely there must be signs that certain people are more likely to disappear? Have the more experienced OLDers here discovered any tell-tale signs of likely ghosters? For example, being evasive or vague when trying to schedule a date. Or are ghosts truly beyond the realm of comprehension? If they do that after a couple of dates, so what? You aren't in a relationship with them. It was simply dinner, drinks whatever between two people for an evening hoping to see enough in them to pursue something. If they do it after a few dates, that's disrespectful in my book and a show of character. In which case, I still don't care. I wouldn't want someone like that in my life anyway. There is no way to be able to identify that they would do that in advance. It's just part of the risk in dating people. The trick is to manage emotions and expectations for quite some time in a new dating scenario. 2
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 If they do that after a couple of dates, so what? You aren't in a relationship with them. It was simply dinner, drinks whatever between two people for an evening hoping to see enough in them to pursue something. If they do it after a few dates, that's disrespectful in my book and a show of character. In which case, I still don't care. I wouldn't want someone like that in my life anyway. There is no way to be able to identify that they would do that in advance. It's just part of the risk in dating people. The trick is to manage emotions and expectations for quite some time in a new dating scenario. I agree with all that, and I know it's not realistic to expect everyone to be reasonable and respectful, it would just be nice to find someone who was, even for the short term. I haven't had a healthy romantic relationship since before I was married. I have become much wiser, especially over the last three years, but sometimes still get the feeling that I have a big sign on my head that says, "play me".
Maggie4 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 You WANT some people to disappear :-) The fade-out is just like a slow-no. A match did not happen. Don't think about it more. Not worth your time. 1
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 You WANT some people to disappear :-) The fade-out is just like a slow-no. A match did not happen. Don't think about it more. Not worth your time. I often say something similar to people who are in a different kind of situation. Thank you for pointing out that it applies to this one as well 1
nickf100 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 It is a good term, and it recently happened to me, i think its a really rude and disrespectful thing to do. They assume that theyll never have to see you again. I purposely never ghost someone. Just had to vent on that, don't really have an answer to your question!
joseb Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I often say something similar to people who are in a different kind of situation. Thank you for pointing out that it applies to this one as well Yeah I would have said I would never ghost but I did it recently. Had been on a couple of dates, didn't really feel it (and don't think she did really) so afterwards I didn't text, she also didn't. So did I ghost or did she?
PrettyEmily77 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Ebay, apparently... many apologies OP, I have nothing of value at all to contribute to your thread - the title intrigued me so had to google it and got introduced to a whole new world . Apart from that, I think ghosting on a person is...not very nice, and a little cowardly. Doesn't cost much to say 'thanks and good luck', you know... 1
menyou Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Yeah I would have said I would never ghost but I did it recently. Had been on a couple of dates, didn't really feel it (and don't think she did really) so afterwards I didn't text, she also didn't. So did I ghost or did she? Your plot thickens. Just don't text her to find out the answer 1
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Yeah I would have said I would never ghost but I did it recently. Had been on a couple of dates, didn't really feel it (and don't think she did really) so afterwards I didn't text, she also didn't. So did I ghost or did she? Hmmm...I would only call it ghosting if there was some expectation of contacting/meeting each other again. So it appears that you're both still alive and well!
Recommended Posts