Crazy_Love Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 It's been three months since I ended things. I have not slipped once and I'm proud of that, despite his best efforts to reel me back in. After a 4 year daily A though, it still hasn't gotten any easier. I know it will take time and so I'm plodding along. Still more days when I cry the whole day vs not. I will never put myself in this situation again. The hell is not worth it. 5
Lovetoohard Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Congratulations! I am proud of you for ignoring his efforts. Just out of curiosity, did you break up with him or did he break up with you? Also, how soon after the break up did he attempt to start it up again? I work with my MM so it's been really hard to do total NC, but I've successfully done 2 weeks so far and will try to keep it LC and work related if we need to interact but I often find myself thinking about whether he longs for me the way I did for him and whether he will make an attempt. I think I am strong and have been focusing on how crappy I felt during A and so hopefully that will keep me strong. What have you ben doing to not cave and get on with your life in a positive and healthy way? 1
Goodbye Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 You will eventually feel better. I promise you. 2
Grapesofwrath Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Stay strong, CL. Grief is a process and it takes as long as it takes. I have a theory...just a theory...that it takes one half the duration of the relationship to be fully and completely healed of it. Not that there isn't noticeable improvement along the way. You can get most of the way there a lot faster than that, depending on the circumstances. But it takes 1/2 the duration to be fully healed. To reach "meh." that's my theory anyway.
Lovetoohard Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Congratulations! I am proud of you for ignoring his efforts. Just out of curiosity, did you break up with him or did he break up with you? Sorry, just re read your original post and saw you ended things Edited September 21, 2015 by Lovetoohard Typo
yodelwithyu Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Hang in there CrazyLove! You give the rest of us hope and strength.
whatatangledweb Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I agree with Grapes. I would also say it depends on what you do with that time. Three months is still early. It's normal to feel the way you do. I'm sorry you are hurting. 1
NewLeaf512 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 It's been three months since I ended things. I have not slipped once and I'm proud of that, despite his best efforts to reel me back in. After a 4 year daily A though, it still hasn't gotten any easier. I know it will take time and so I'm plodding along. Still more days when I cry the whole day vs not. I will never put myself in this situation again. The hell is not worth it. Well done. One foot in front of the other
NewLeaf512 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Stay strong, CL. Grief is a process and it takes as long as it takes. I have a theory...just a theory...that it takes one half the duration of the relationship to be fully and completely healed of it. Not that there isn't noticeable improvement along the way. You can get most of the way there a lot faster than that, depending on the circumstances. But it takes 1/2 the duration to be fully healed. To reach "meh." that's my theory anyway. Grapes, do you count the whole time you knew the person or just the A part?
Grapesofwrath Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) Grapes, do you count the whole time you knew the person or just the A part? I'd say the duration of the intimate relationship is what matters. From the point that the relationship went from simple friendship to something more. It's all just a theory, though. In reality, I think everyone and every situation is different. I'm starting to also believe that affairs come from the place in us that is broken and scarred. By childhood trauma, previous heartbreak, or something else. For the married partners, too. The desire comes from a wounded place. Edited September 23, 2015 by Grapesofwrath 1
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