johan Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I've been an idiot, and I've hung in with her to the bitter end, like I know I shouldn't have. Some said I'd be better off without her. Maybe, but I also love her. I knew what it would mean to ride it into the ground instead of jumping off and saving myself. It meant that I might have to look back and think I only proved to her that I'd take any crap she wanted to dish out. But I told myself I'd be strong enough to handle it, and I was right. I hoped she would rise above it all and come through with something better. I thought she would want to prove all our promises were real. I thought she would want to build something, but she didn't. She chose to keep digging her little foxhole deeper. I feel very down. But it's been years since I cried over a girl, and I don't see it happening this time. I'm really disappointed, but I'm not broken. At least not by her. If I break, I'll do it later when I hear about her happy engagement. The challenge this time will be for me to not blame myself, to remain open to others and to keep a smile on my face. All while hating my life and trying to stay motivated to do the day to day things that don't seem to mean anything. Love doesn't conquer all. Stupidity conquers all.
Merin Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Damn Johan, I'm sorry.. Second chances.. often we end up kicking ourselves in the a** for giving someone else another opportunity, especially when later on it feels like you must have been standing there with a big sign on you that said "Here's a second chance to F'ck me over, as I cannot get enough!" Ugh! You gave it all you had, and it's sucky that she didn't appreciate that or it seems want that.. worse yet that she was to much of a wimp to tell you that straight up. Anything I can do... let me know. Merin
chris1063 Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by johan I've been an idiot, and I've hung in with her to the bitter end, like I know I shouldn't have. Some said I'd be better off without her. Maybe, but I also love her. I knew what it would mean to ride it into the ground instead of jumping off and saving myself. It meant that I might have to look back and think I only proved to her that I'd take any crap she wanted to dish out. But I told myself I'd be strong enough to handle it, and I was right. I hoped she would rise above it all and come through with something better. I thought she would want to prove all our promises were real. I thought she would want to build something, but she didn't. She chose to keep digging her little foxhole deeper. I feel very down. But it's been years since I cried over a girl, and I don't see it happening this time. I'm really disappointed, but I'm not broken. At least not by her. If I break, I'll do it later when I hear about her happy engagement. The challenge this time will be for me to not blame myself, to remain open to others and to keep a smile on my face. All while hating my life and trying to stay motivated to do the day to day things that don't seem to mean anything. Love doesn't conquer all. Stupidity conquers all. Know exactly how you're feeling. It's tough just getting out of bed some mornings but your life will go on and it will get better. The key is to appreciate the good things and times you had together for what they were. You must though also look truthfully at why the relationship failed and keep those things in mind for when you meet the next person so you can avoid making the same mistakes again. That doesn't mean compromising yourself and everything you enjoy. Just keep in mind that maybe next time you'd maybe do some things differently that's all. Stay strong, you'll get there !! Chris
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 ... just a guy who was brave enough to take a risk. You can play this life two ways. Either keeping your little ship in the harbour, safe but doing nothing. Or out on the high seas of life and experience. I'm sorry. Romeo
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