StellaGrace Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Disclaimer/ warning: longish post ahead. Brief background - I met a guy a couple years ago at a restaurant - friendly talk about food and our work, nothing more, but I gave him my card. We lived in different states but we kept in touch via occasional email for two years (emails were friendly, not romantic, lots of ‘getting to know you’ type stuff. I had no thought of romance with him ever in our exchange) Then he moved to the city I am in. When we finally met to catch up in person, I was surprised to find myself physically attracted to him. Still no big deal because if there was no intellectual connection I knew that feeling would dissipate for me. But there was, and I was… attracted. I didn’t act on it and I didn’t say anything or act weird. Neither did he. I figured because there is a significant age gap (he’s 10 years younger), there is no way he would be feeling that same thing. After that, we exchanged occasional texts – made plans to get together a couple of times which got pushed back for one thing or another by him (family death and then a work obligation), and finally we met last night for a second time for dinner at a nice restaurant. And I am still attracted. Dammit. You know that feeling, right? You are trying to behave as “just friends”, yet keep looking at his/her lips or eyelashes or shoulders (or if you are guy it’s probably boobs), and you want to touch the other person or say something to bring you closer romantically. Maybe you want to ask if he/she is feeling the same way. Don’t worry – I didn’t. I was cool as cucumber, yet it was still a really great conversation and, damn, he is handsome. And impossible to read, and in my experience if the guy is giving no concrete readable signs, it’s just a friend thing. So I sat back. Three hours later the lights went out in the restaurant… and, in fact, the entire town. But we kept talking and closed down the place, and then we had to find our way back to our respective cars. Of course, he offered to walk me because it was pitch black. When we exited the restaurant, there was a huge crowd of people panicking and milling around, and he and I brushed arms accidentally (or did I do it on purpose?) and suddenly we were holding hands. I don’t know who did it. Maybe I did, I don’t know, but neither let go. We walked for blocks, hand in hand, looking for my car – you couldn't see street signs because all the streetlights were out and there were lots of missed turns (still hand in hand), but we eventually found it. Once there he hugged me – it was a nice hug. Not the kite hug from the first date. Full body cling hug. But he made no attempt to kiss me. And then we chatted a bit more, and he hugged me again. Even longer this time, but still no kiss. More chatter, then a third “side hug” from him, and I looked him full in the face to try and glean what he was feeling, but he was looking down. No eye contact. And then we said goodbye, and I left. He told me to text him when I got home. (He had a crapload of work to do – big week coming up for him). I did; brief friendly exchange – mostly his work. No talk from him of “let’s do it again” or “that was great” or anything. The end. So finally… we get to my question, and, gosh, I am sort of embarrassed for being such a girl here, but do you think this fellow is just a potential good friend who was being polite in a weird blackout situation, or do you think he’s interested in something romantic? (And no, I’m not going to ask him at this point after only two meet-ups when, thus far since we've been in the same city, he only sporadically contacts me via text. So you lovely people are my only clues to how to interpret this.)
madjac74 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 hmmm why did he suddenly move to the same city? Coincidence? Reminds me of that movie "Something about Mary" where they all pretend to be her friend
Author StellaGrace Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 That's a cute idea Mad, but don't think so. I met him when he was on a business trip here, and he loved the city and eventually got his work to transfer him. Took awhile. I probably helped him in that transition in our two years of emails - hence friend status?
Siquijor Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Have you considered he may already be in a relationship? If you know he isn't the lack of eye contact isn't a good sign - unless he's shy.
Author StellaGrace Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) No - I didn't consider that. He's only been here three months and is super crazed with the new job (he says). And he was pretty persistent in wanting to get together in the beginning with me (later not as much). But we have had some pretty deep conversations in our two meet-ups and he insists on paying for the meals, which are not cheap, even though I try to pay for half. But why would he hold hands with me and hug me a bunch of times if he was in a relationship? But you know what - it's a possibility. Anything is. Edited September 21, 2015 by StellaGrace
madjac74 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 That's a cute idea Mad, but don't think so. I met him when he was on a business trip here, and he loved the city and eventually got his work to transfer him. Took awhile. I probably helped him in that transition in our two years of emails - hence friend status? Your response didn't prove my idea false:confused:
ThugLifing Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 It sounds like he likes you more than a friend if you're holding hands/hugging a lot. He could be too shy to go in for a kiss. Or maybe he just wants to hook up. Really all you can do is ask to know how he really feels. Let him know you had a good time on your date and see what he says back. If his interest continues to fade, just let it go..
road Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 It sounds like he likes you more than a friend if you're holding hands/hugging a lot. He could be too shy to go in for a kiss. Or maybe he just wants to hook up. Really all you can do is ask to know how he really feels. Let him know you had a good time on your date and see what he says back. If his interest continues to fade, just let it go.. Most likely he is to shy to go for a kiss.
fred123 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 No - I didn't consider that. He's only been here three months and is super crazed with the new job (he says). And he was pretty persistent in wanting to get together in the beginning with me (later not as much). But we have had some pretty deep conversations in our two meet-ups and he insists on paying for the meals, which are not cheap, even though I try to pay for half. But why would he hold hands with me and hug me a bunch of times if he was in a relationship? But you know what - it's a possibility. Anything is. do you know how many girls hold my hands or hug me when they aren't even interested in me or in rhsips? i find it ironic that you questions these actions when a guy does it but I'm sure you have held hands and hugged a guy you weren't interested in. see the confusion we guys have lol
Siquijor Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 But why would he hold hands with me and hug me a bunch of times if he was in a relationship? But you know what - it's a possibility. Anything is. Perhaps he's in two minds. He may like you that way but he also maybe in a relationship. From my perspective it's better knowing more than knowing nothing so I think you should text him telling him the way you feel. If nothing positive expires at least you know and you can move on. It might come as a disappointment but at least you're not left waiting and wondering anymore. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 OK, you asked for male input. If I were him this is why I would have been acting the way he's been: Shyness, and figuring that there is no way you would be feeling the same thing because you are ten years older.
Author StellaGrace Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 OK, you asked for male input. If I were him this is why I would have been acting the way he's been: Shyness, and figuring that there is no way you would be feeling the same thing because you are ten years older. Lol - that made me laugh. Perhaps you're right. Thanks everyone for the feedback and suggestions. I think I'll just give it time to see what unfolds.
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