Gretzky99 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) I was dumped by my ex a few months ago. We were together for a little over a year. The time after the breakup were not easy for me. I took it very hard as I was very sad and depressed. I had trouble moving on with my life and was in denial in many ways. I continued to hope that she would call or text me back in hopes to reconcile. However, the past few weeks have been very good to me and I think I have turned the corner. Usually, I would have a few days where I would feel good, then have a set-back day where I would feel sad again. But it's been over 2 weeks now, and I haven't had that. I do still think of her every day, but the thoughts quickly vanish and they're less and less frequent. I no longer dwell on it for long periods of time. I've pretty much accepted the fact that it's over. Which leads me to my question to you guys; I feel sad that I'm moving along. It's weird, I can't quite explain it, and I know it doesn't make any sense, but because I feel like I've turned the page and moved on, I sort of miss the pain. Perhaps "miss" is not the correct word, but it's a feeling that's similar to that because in no longer having that pain, in essence, I have let go. I have let go of her in every way. The last resemblance of her for me was holding onto that pain, and now, that pain is also gone. I think of it like, if I'm at this stage right now where I don't have any strong feelings for her anymore, and have moved on, then surely, she must have absolutely no feelings for me at all at this stage because she was the dumper and is way ahead of me with the moving on part by nature. I don't know why but that sort of makes me sad. Does anyone have a theory? Has anyone else felt like this before? Edited September 21, 2015 by Gretzky99
hunk Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 You haven't moved on yet. It's awesome you are doing so well and I don't mean this as if you're in denial or anything. But you're essentially at the stage where you are more than likely convincing yourself you're more healed than you are. When you've moved on you won't feel the need to post here and you definitely will not have these feelings you're having, which are typical, I know EXACTLY where you are right now. You are at the tail end of healing, not quite there but you will be. You are just more comfortable with the idea of you two being finished, but you are still attached to the idea of you guys as a couple. When you have moved on you won't even have a concept of you and her being together in your head, you just won't think of her in that way anymore. When you've moved on and fully healed you will be indifferent. Totally indifferent. The sadness is because you've become attached to the pain, loneliness and heartbreak, as if it has actually replaced her and you've become addicted to these emotions in place of your ex. It actually no longer has anything to do with your ex. Now that they are dissipating you're sad because it feels like another sort of breakup. Give it another few months and this will all be done, i promise. It's totally natural. 8
Author Gretzky99 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) You haven't moved on yet. It's awesome you are doing so well and I don't mean this as if you're in denial or anything. But you're essentially at the stage where you are more than likely convincing yourself you're more healed than you are. When you've moved on you won't feel the need to post here and you definitely will not have these feelings you're having, which are typical, I know EXACTLY where you are right now. You are at the tail end of healing, not quite there but you will be. You are just more comfortable with the idea of you two being finished, but you are still attached to the idea of you guys as a couple. When you have moved on you won't even have a concept of you and her being together in your head, you just won't think of her in that way anymore. When you've moved on and fully healed you will be indifferent. Totally indifferent. The sadness is because you've become attached to the pain, loneliness and heartbreak, as if it has actually replaced her and you've become addicted to these emotions in place of your ex. It actually no longer has anything to do with your ex. Now that they are dissipating you're sad because it feels like another sort of breakup. Give it another few months and this will all be done, i promise. It's totally natural. ^^^ Wow. That was some deep stuff there I truly appreciate the honesty and the words of wisdom there buddy. I had to re-read what you said three times to full grasp what you just said, and I think you're 100% right. It's weird, isn't it??? We know what we think about every moment of the day, yet sometimes it takes a complete stranger who doesn't even know you, to break it down and tell you what you're going through. I think that's some crazy stuff; How as much as we'd like to think we know ourselves, we truly don't. I truly do hope it's the tail end of the healing process as you mentioned, because it's been a long and challenging journey. I can't wait to no longer have the thought of her cross my mind in any way shape or form. You're right, I'm not there, but I do feel like it's getting closer to that finish line. Edited September 21, 2015 by Gretzky99
hunk Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 No worries man. You've got your head screwed on and seem very self aware, you'll be totally fine. As i said, from this point it's just a matter of months before you're just completely over it. I think the best thing to do is treat the sadness and feelings of loneliness as if they themselves are your ex. You have essentially grieved her as a person and now your grieving the loss of the last few shreds of, well, anything, that kept you and her connected - which is your feelings for her which are manifested in the feelings of sadness and loss etc. Cut them loose, these are your last ties to her (although, as i said, they ultimately come from YOU and have nothing to with her), and you'll be completely free and done. Good luck man you'll be completely fine 2
drseuss Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 i know exactly what your saying , i feel this guilt and dissapointment when she pops into my mind and i realise i havent been thinking about her , its your mind fighting the addiction you have with them as you start to get over them more and more it is a very odd feeling but better than the raw early days
thunder777 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 yea theres always that great disappointment lingering. something became so strong and great for a while there and when the angry storms pass, memories of the great times in your loneliness shine it sucks, but for me, at least the bull##it is over, no more stressing out, my girl had more flaws than qualities lol 1
lillymae1010 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Reminds me of a song lyric, "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all" I empathize with you so much. Frustratingly, there's no real "logic" behind it. It's just human. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to analyze emotional thinking - I struggle with that a lot. Moving on is awful, but when you see others do it it's honorable. Take some pride in it. Sometimes I'll just sit out and look at the stars and, even just for a little bit, it puts all my personal problems in perspective. I hope you find what works for you. Warm wishes ~ Edited September 21, 2015 by lillymae1010 1
Liono84 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 You haven't moved on yet. It's awesome you are doing so well and I don't mean this as if you're in denial or anything. But you're essentially at the stage where you are more than likely convincing yourself you're more healed than you are. When you've moved on you won't feel the need to post here and you definitely will not have these feelings you're having, which are typical, I know EXACTLY where you are right now. You are at the tail end of healing, not quite there but you will be. You are just more comfortable with the idea of you two being finished, but you are still attached to the idea of you guys as a couple. When you have moved on you won't even have a concept of you and her being together in your head, you just won't think of her in that way anymore. When you've moved on and fully healed you will be indifferent. Totally indifferent. The sadness is because you've become attached to the pain, loneliness and heartbreak, as if it has actually replaced her and you've become addicted to these emotions in place of your ex. It actually no longer has anything to do with your ex. Now that they are dissipating you're sad because it feels like another sort of breakup. Give it another few months and this will all be done, i promise. It's totally natural. This is probably one of the best written statements I've read in awhile. Really rang home to me. I think HUNK is spot on here; Sometimes, we really lie to ourselves in thinking we've moved on, when we haven't. We may be close to being moved on, but not there entirely. He's correct in that if you're completely over your ex, you won't feel any need to post on this forum or contemplate about the future. You won't have any energy wasted on thinking about them. You will be indifferent. I've made great progress too, over the past 2 months, but I'm nowhere close to being in that mental state of mind yet. It's also funny because even though you may never hear from them ever again, IF you do, it's almost always at the stage when many months have gone by, you have moved on and are indifferent. 3
Yummm Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I'm in the same boat as you buddy. I don't miss her, I miss the relationship (the random feeling on loneliness, emptiness and strange sadness when I don't think of her)... We're not there yet buddy, but we're close. Couple months back I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, now I do. Hugs xo 1
Penguins Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I agree with the pp's you are very close. So glad that you have moved through the stages of loss and grief and can see the end my friend. It is often a painful journey, but necessary. Blessings on a new beginning. 1
Truth34 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I know the feeling. For me, the sadness is how something could be so exhilarating and important to me, and now it's nothing but thoughts and dreams. The days go by and I realize that the memories I used to smile about have become slightly harder to picture. 1
ScienceGal Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I know that feeling. You've progressed in the healing process. For me, it was stubbornness, my despise of dating, and the hopeless romantic in me. I clung to the suffering as long as I could. It was a bad choice that I'm trying to not replicate. I know it can be a scary and uncomfortable step, because you've learned to live with the pain. And when you let go of the pain, you let go of her. But, it's the right thing to do. Go in to the light! 2
dyna85 Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 You haven't moved on yet. It's awesome you are doing so well and I don't mean this as if you're in denial or anything. But you're essentially at the stage where you are more than likely convincing yourself you're more healed than you are. When you've moved on you won't feel the need to post here and you definitely will not have these feelings you're having, which are typical, I know EXACTLY where you are right now. You are at the tail end of healing, not quite there but you will be. You are just more comfortable with the idea of you two being finished, but you are still attached to the idea of you guys as a couple. When you have moved on you won't even have a concept of you and her being together in your head, you just won't think of her in that way anymore. When you've moved on and fully healed you will be indifferent. Totally indifferent. The sadness is because you've become attached to the pain, loneliness and heartbreak, as if it has actually replaced her and you've become addicted to these emotions in place of your ex. It actually no longer has anything to do with your ex. Now that they are dissipating you're sad because it feels like another sort of breakup. Give it another few months and this will all be done, i promise. It's totally natural. This ^^^^ x a million. We've all been there. You feel so depressed because you don't want them to also experience the moving on feeling and it hurts to feel you're finally making progress when you don't really want to let go at all...and you feel too that if you let go, they'll let go, and that is DEFINITELY not what you want at all. In fact, if it were up to you, you'd like to rewind and get back to the point where you were still together and none of this ever happened. Well sadly, it did happen, and this is where you are now. However, it's a necessary phase. Trust the process. Don't question, just trust and have faith. You WILL get thru this. #trust 2
Author Gretzky99 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Thank you all for your gracious replies and advice, especially HUNK whose words hit home. I appreciate each and every one of your input. It means a lot. I think I'm not fully over it just yet, but it definitely is at the very last stage of the healing process. The positive for me, is at least it's no longer a full blown grieving process. Rather, a healing process at this stage. I no longer put much thought into her or the memories of her, especially not emotionally. It indeed has become more and more of a big blur. Going NC from the very beginning has helped me progress, and while I still have strong feelings for her, I know realistically her coming back is a long shot, to say the least. Like many of you have stated, it's the fact that in finally letting go and moving on, I feel as though I'm letting her go. I feel that if I'm at this stage right now, then surely, she too must either also be at this stage, or the more likely scenario, she was at this stage a long, long time ago... Perhaps maybe even during the final week(s) of her dumping me. And that's what makes me sad in moving on. Whatever the case, I will let the process natural manifest itself and get thru. 1
Recommended Posts