sunglasses Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 It's been roughly three months since she decided to break things off with me (we're both mid to late 20s). I'm unmotivated. I'm horribly slacking off at work. I don't do anything around the house. I'm sleeping around (she was my first). I'm eating horribly. I've been pushing my parents away. On the outside I give the appearance that I'm OK, but really I'm a mess. I don't know what to do. I haven't been talking to her. We were long distance, so it's not like I can run into her. I've been trying new things, meeting new people, going on dates even. I've been trying a lot of things to move past this. She still occupies a lot of real estate in my head. I'm not trying to think of her, but she's there. I can't get rid of it. I can't stop hoping that she'll come back, even though I know she never will. Everything seemingly reminds me of her, from random things on TV to the weather. I don't know what to do. This isn't me. How do I get myself back? Why am I still in love with her?
K2z Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) I feel the same way. Your post could be from me, down to the three month detail. (I'm older, though.) I cultivate "get her back" hope which is quite probably unrealistic. The feeling of emptiness and regret is quite overwhelming. Grieve, for now. Set your daily achievement goals low. Pray, if you do that. (Or, even if you don't. As an agnostic/borderline atheist I have been praying even though I preface the prayer with saying I don't really know who I'm talking to.) Edited September 21, 2015 by K2z 1
thunder777 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 lets not take the crumbling weakling me path about it lets say hey im fantastic with or without her counselling might help you mate, a bit of adjustment disorder happening for you there?
K2z Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I for one am starting up with some counseling this week. I think it's a superb idea to talk to a pro. 1
sbk24 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Hi Sunglasses, I am pretty much trying to find myself too as at the moment I feel incredibly weak and vulnerable. I have not been eating, sleeping and just feel ****. You are doing the right thing as in NC and you doing the right thing as in keeping busy. However, i personally believe you do need to spend time with the people who care about you. So try not to push your parents away and try spend time with your close friends. I have been in NC for a couple of weeks now and I do feel better, I am not thinking about the ex as much and can actually spend time being productive etc. If you show the ex that you can cope and be happy without her that is the best sort of "revenge" and it is an attraction.
K2z Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I've been horrible at NC, especially with the spirit of it. I keep thinking my moment is going to come when she bites, and I get her back. Cognitive dissonance is a weird thing. Holding two conflicting thoughts simultaneously. I am very pessimistic about getting her back, and yet very optimistic. Up is down! Black is white! War is peace!
coryreply Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Sorry, bro. Hang in there. Everyone deals with this kind of stuff in a different way. Don't let it consume you. Take control of where your life is headed and set the new rules for yourself. Good luck!
Author sunglasses Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Each day feels worse than the last. That means that every day is the worst day of my life.
K2z Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Counseling is key here. I will go to a session tomorrow and talk to a pro. Friends can only accomplish so much. Give it a try yourself. I remember I first tried counseling about 12 years ago and it was like being pulled out of a riptide.
Author sunglasses Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 I feel like I'm hoping for a miracle. I'm hoping that she'll come back. I'm still in love with her, even after 3+ months, even if she said she's not in love with me. I still think we're perfect for each other. I am aware of how illogical some of things going through my head are. But, I feel like part of me is holding on to this hope of a miracle happening and her coming back. And I don't know how to get rid of it. I've been doing all the things you'd probably tell me to do, but it's still there. Is this just a time thing?
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Time does help but only if you're helping yourself. Dwelling on the past, stalking her social media pages, re-reading old texts or emails, flipping through old photos etc. will do nothing to help your healing process. That I guarantee you. What are you doing to try and get over her?
Author sunglasses Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 I haven't really been doing any of those things. No contact (other than a very brief email exchange about mailing each other our things since we were long distance). Been trying to keep busy as much as I can and getting out of the house much more than I used to. Hell, even hooking up with random girls. I'll try anything right now.
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