bf thinks his future will work out magically (from what I gather)?

[MehMeh]

Over the last several months I have noticed that I feel more and more taken for granted. My boyfriend doesn't appreciate what I do for him and doesn't really go out of his way to do things for me. I enjoy cooking/prepping food for my boyfriend and today I decided to do something special because my boyfriend was sick. I brought over some goodies and all I got was a "meh" reaction from him, he said he didn't expect anything grand. He didn't even want to help me w/something simple so I could prep the food until I mentioned something. I also brought over a gift my parents so thoughtfully brought over from vaca, he didn't even care (this is what kind of started making me feel bad). I proceeded to prepare the meal and my boyfriend pretty much ignored me due to a game. After I mentioned being unappreciated, he told me I was the one who wanted to come over and paid attention to me for all of 20 min. After that his complete attention turned to the game. I decided to leave and told him how hurt I felt. He told me that I was overreacting and told me if I was gonna act that way I should just leave. This incident is not isolated to this one day of him being sick. I actually told me some time back that I was having doubts that he cared about me and he felt bad. He used to go out of his way to do things for me, but now I get excuses (I'm tired/sick/had a bad day) etc. Is this relationship doomed?

[casey.lives]

getting a pat on the head for doing mundane tasks .. every time is too demanding. Life is a series of peaks and vallies and a lot of flat land. No your relationship is not doomed but i would recommend being a bit more grown up with your expectations.

[katiegrl]

Over the last several months I have noticed that I feel more and more taken for granted. My boyfriend doesn't appreciate what I do for him and doesn't really go out of his way to do things for me.

 

The correct response to that is STOP doing things for him then. Don't continuing doing nice things, and then get pissed off when he doesn't appreciate it. That serves NO purpose whatsoever, and frankly isn't very bright (no offense).

 

 

I certainly would not be going out of my way doing nice things (or anything frankly) for my boyfriend if he did not appreciate those things, or was not reciprocating.

 

 

You give what you get and vice versa. Follow his lead. He ISN'T giving, isn't appreciating what YOU are giving (and ignores you), then you STOP giving.

 

 

Or better yet, just end the RL as when a man stops giving and stops appreciating what you're giving, and acts "meh" in your presence....that is your cue to wish him well and walk away.

Edited August 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[MehMehMeh2013]

I am beginning to doubt how happy I will be in the relationship in the long run. When I 1st met my boyfriend he had interests, but didn't know exactly what he wanted in the future. Yes I date him despite knowing this because I figured hey at least he has something he is working for or looking to work forward for. Fast forward to now (awhile later) absolutely nothing has changed. Those interests shown have gone out the window and they are not what he wants to do. I have encouraged him whenever he brought up ideas, nothing has come out of that either. I am slow starting on my future, but I know how critical it is to start right now. My boyfriend believes that what he wants to do will eventually come to him, 99% of the time I know that is not the case, especially since on his days off he does absolutely no activities outside of his place. I know from personal experience time goes by very fast w/out you realizing it. I am so afraid if we move on together 5,10,15 years from now he will be in the exact same place. He says he is happy/content, but I can see that wearing off and in the near future his current happiness in life will not last long. When I brought this up he told me I was being selfish and mean, I don't need him to make 100k a year or get a certain career, I just need him to have goals and ambitions. I am scared for his future and mine and he told me that this doesn't affect me. Um yeah it does as when you are in a relationship, your lives will be tied together. What is the longevity of this relationship? I know he is capable of reaching high, he got through college while working on his own.

[MidwestUSA]

Is he currently working? If so, is it a job with potential for advancement?

 

What are your ages?

[Maggie4]

One can only say you have grown apart and you don't share the same goals, so I don't think it will last.

[MehMehMeh2013]

Yes he is working and living on his own (I would have left him quite a long time ago if he wasn't working), this is one positive for him. There is chance for moving up, he moved up about 1/2 a year ago, but from what I have felt he doesn't want to stay with the company because I have talked to him about moving up. He says he enjoys the job, but I know that he doesn't as he complains about it (doesn't feel like going to work etc). I dislike my job, I come out and admit it. I am currently applying to a job that I have been working towards. We are in our mid 20s.

[MidwestUSA]

Newsflash: most people don't feel like going to work! I know I don't, even tho I really love my job.

 

Does he have any outside hobbies? Goals for himself not related to work? Does he own his home or rent?

 

For most of us, a job is what we do to get what we want out of life outside of work, a means to an end. At 24, I was putting the max allowed into a 401K, and had purchased a house. That gave me all kinds of reasons to want to work - home improvements, pets, a sense of responsibility.

 

What interests does he have? Please don't tell me all of his free time is spent gaming.

[losangelena]

Newsflash: most people don't feel like going to work! I know I don't, even tho I really love my job.

 

Does he have any outside hobbies? Goals for himself not related to work? Does he own his home or rent?

 

For most of us, a job is what we do to get what we want out of life outside of work, a means to an end. At 24, I was putting the max allowed into a 401K, and had purchased a house. That gave me all kinds of reasons to want to work - home improvements, pets, a sense of responsibility.

 

What interests does he have? Please don't tell me all of his free time is spent gaming.

 

Haha, right? Oye, I've been there.

[MidwestUSA]

Haha, right? Oye, I've been there.

 

 

Seems to be quite common nowadays. My stepdaughter is engaged to one. This dude can't/won't mow the lawn, couldn't put a bed frame together, won't grocery shop or cook. And he has a three year old, whom she adores. And takes care of, while going to school AND working.

 

I'm not going to be one of those grandmothers raising children in my retirement years.

[losangelena]

My ex is a gamer. Granted, he could get sh*t done when he wanted/needed to, but he really loved spacing out for hours on end.

 

He says it's just a hobby, but there was always something about it to me that didn't feel right.

 

Part of me wonders if he's spent the last week since our breakup completely zoned out in front of that thing ...

[Diezel]

Break up with him now. Save yourself waste time.