joseb Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Guys, chin up - a couple of you are one week out of a relationship and wondering why you are feeling down, and nobody is checking you out?! When I split up with my gf, it was probably 2 or 3 months before i bothered to look at another girl, and another month or 2 before I stated thinking about talking to them. You are unlikely to be in a state of mind to look for someone new or attract someone (other than a rebound predator) so soon. 5
joseb Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 When I was younger, back before I got married, no one was "dating", everyone was just hanging out and having fun. Where there was a connection to be made, one was made, where there wasn't, there wasn't and it was no big deal. There were no hard feelings or expectations crushed. Perhaps this is just the attitude of the young, but this is the place I am trying to get back to mentally, because it is healthy and because of that so many good things happened to me when I had that simple attitude. Cool Popsicle, I like that idea. I think the way a lot of people treat dating seems to make it like a job interview process. I'm all for making it a lighter, more fun experience. 3
RMAC1989 Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Hi Mate Seeing as you were kind enough to take the time to read my essay of a thread and give me some good advice too I thought it only fair I return the favour. I know this thread isn't exactly fresh and I hope the feelings you've described in this thread have since dissipated but if not I wanted to have a crack at some advice of my own. For starters I will not say the age old line of "I know how you feel" because everyone's emotional responses are different and unique. However I do empathise with you from a similar experience I endured a few years back. Now I haven't had hundreds of relationships as I don't get involved unless I think there's genuine potential but I have always seemed to be able to brush of the dust and roll quite unintentionally from one long term relationship to another. I would say that normally I was never single for maybe longer than 3-4 months. However after I finished my degree at university I hit a stretch where I was single for 3 years. Not having experienced this before I started to feel some of the same emotions and doubts you described in your thread. I started to question everything about myself from my appearance to my personality etc and eventually I practically gave up on all thought of finding anyone romantically. Now I know it's cliche to say love finds you but almost as soon as I decided my dating adventures were over I found someone or should I say they found me. Looking back I realise now that I was unknowingly doing all the things that everyone suggests for these scenarios but again, like everyone, normally ignores. I socialised with my friends much more regularly, started to take better care of myself and devoted more time to my hobbies and interests. I don't know if people in this situation give off some sort of invisible aura that indicates we're looking to find someone but I can't ignore the link between my choice to effectively put anything romantic on the back burner and then almost immediately having someone be attracted to me. So finally my advice would be to do exactly that, persist with self betterment (physical & emotional) and see what comes your way. I'm not saying don't put yourself out there if the situation arises but if someone is attracted to you, as a result of you just being you, without the first move being yours then surely that's a positive indication that person likes you for who you are and not simply because you have been chasing them. Also, regardless of how long it may be before this certain someone crosses your path the self betterment aspect in the mean time should hopefully serve to make you a more confident and self assured individual, which can only be a good thing. I genuinely hope that at least something I've said has been helpful
Oregon_Dude Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 As someone who's been rejected in the dating scene literally 20+ times over the last few months, AFTER being broken up with, I can tell you this. You have two choices: 1. Let others determine your worth; take rejection personally; let the opinion of others bring you down, and internalize their rejection to the point where you believe you're an unlovable, unattractive piece of sh*t OR 2. Say f*ck em, they don't know me, they don't get to decide who I am, I love my strangeness, my unique self, my independence, my emotions, my intelligence, my capability, my resilience, my loyalty, strengths and talents. Bring the rejection on. It can't phase me. I will get over whatever you throw my way. Option 2 is optimal.
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