Kins Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Me and my boyfriend are living together and have been together for 3 years. He cheated on his ex with me because she moved back to Norway (she was an exchange student) and wasn't planning on coming back to the US. Now she's coming here to visit and wants to stay at our house. I wouldn't have such a big problem with it except she got up with me last year and tried to break me and my boyfriend up and told me that he had cheated on me. I'm really confused about what she wants and am scared to let her stay in our house for a week. What should I do? 1
Poppyolive Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Say no. Offer to help find other accommodations. What's your boyfriend saying through all this? That would be a great indicator of how he feels. Why are they still in contact? If he cheated on her with you, he may very well have cheated on you with her, or another. Why on earth would she even ask to stay at yours? Something doesn't add up. 2
warshaw Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I can't quite put my finger on the reason but it doesn't seem like a good idea that she stay with you. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Why does she have to stay with you guys? I dont think it is a good idea. She is in a bad mission dont allow her to do this. Tell your boyfriend that you do not want it, and ask him to find another place for her. What are the reasons that are bringing her back to the country? If she is not coming for your boyfriend why she does not stay where she intends to visit? DOnt allow it to happen.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 He cheated on his ex with me because she moved back to Norway (she was an exchange student) and wasn't planning on coming back to the US. Now she's coming here to visit and wants to stay at our house. This will give your boyfriend the perfect opportunity to cheat on you with her. She wants to stay because she wants her ex-boyfriend back, or at least have sex with him when you're not around. How about you just stand your ground and just say "no"?
blackcat777 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 So, the facts are: -This woman was previously involved with your boyfriend -This woman tried to interfere with your relationship (read: SHE STILL HAS FEELINGS) -Now she wants to stay at your house Why are you entertaining a yes? The important issue is, as others have pointed out, how is your boyfriend responding to this? He should be shooting her down if he's in a committed relationship with you. Either of you going out of your way to find an ex a place to stay when they visit would be excruciatingly kind. I would say that kind of effort is generally not warranted... she's not your problem, not involved with your boyfriend, and therefore it's HER responsibility to take care of herself. Any kind of contact will serve to keep old flames going--especially if she's still attached--so why would you want to facilitate that? It's not about not being mean to someone, it's just that... how would I be helping myself if I screamed and cried to a pile of exes every time I needed help with something in life? You're actually helping her by forcing her to help herself. You're helping your relationship even more by not inviting a woman who wants sex with your boyfriend to sleep in your house. 1
pidgeon1010 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 NO. Is he agreeable to her staying (or said something like "it's up to you, I don't care either way.") and you're the only person holding back at this point? Also why is he still in contact with an ex who clearly still has feelings for him and tried to break you two up, just last year? Sounds suspicious.
Diezel Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Absolutely not. And if he even entertains the idea, break up with him. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 the fact that your BF still has the kind of relationship with her after 3 years of being with you that he knows she'll be in the US troubles me from the outset. No she can't stay with you. I'd say go meet her for dinner or drinks with him if you must but not in light of whatever happened last year. He needs to cut ties with her forever.
bachdude Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 This is a major problem of loyalty, to you, and the relationship. She tried to break you guys up. And he wants to open the doors of his house to her? While not the same situation, what ever happened to this sort of loyalty? When a man loves a woman... Turn his back on his best friend If he put her down
salparadise Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Just say no. I don't even think you should try to find her another place to stay. Just make it clear that neither of you have any interest in accommodating her. There is no implied obligation whatsoever.
preraph Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 You haven't said whether he wants to let her stay, so I'll assume he does. Look, if someone is friends or something, that's one thing, but doesn't sound like they have settled anything because she's been out of the country. She's looking to get him back. He may be up for it. You need to sit him down and tell him that due to the way she came at you before and the fact she's his ex, NO. But you know he's going to see her one way or the other and so that's the next thing you tell him besides "She can't stay here," which will hopefully limit the time she can afford to be in the city. And that is "And you can't see her alone. I'm going with you."
blueskyday Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Noooo! And he would be an idiot to even consider it. Say No, and if he pushes it, break up with him. Really, you shouldn't have to explain disrespect to him. 1
Trane Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Me and my boyfriend are living together and have been together for 3 years. He cheated on his ex with me because she moved back to Norway (she was an exchange student) and wasn't planning on coming back to the US. Now she's coming here to visit and wants to stay at our house. I wouldn't have such a big problem with it except she got up with me last year and tried to break me and my boyfriend up and told me that he had cheated on me. I'm really confused about what she wants and am scared to let her stay in our house for a week. What should I do? Ask your boyfriend how he would feel if your ex wanted to stay for a week in your place.
purdyPeas Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Well, it looks like the Noway girl's plan will work. You're BF has no respect for you. She understands this. She will push until you make a big deal about saying NO. Which you should....it's not very mature to test your relationship trust or boundaries on his part. This will blow up. Sorry.
stillafool Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Doesn't his ex gf have any pride? NO and NO again she cannot stay.
warshaw Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 This is why they have hotels. Ex's don't get some sort of free pass to stay at their ex's house just because they were once in a relationship. The whole concept is bizarre.
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