Piddle Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Let's say there's a guy who has such an incredibly busy career and takes it so seriously he hasn't had a girlfriend in years. He works from 5:30 am to late night, 6 to 7 days a week). His hobbies involve going to a game maybe once every couple of month, if that. During this time he has been friends with a girl who lives in another town. He calls once a week, which for him and his lifestyle is a LOT but they don't meet much because of the location difference. He does have other female friends but keeps in touch with her more than anyone else, alongside immediate family. And when he does make time for seeing people she's up there with his parents. Let's say she likes him and gets the pitfalls of his career but has decided it's worth it. So here's the deal. Is she: a) back burner girl to keep hanging on - but for what? This career is going nowhere so nothing's going to change anytime soon. No time like the present.. b) if he likes her as more than a friend, why has he never made a move? c) if she's not on his radar as potential gf, why go the extra mile (extra mile in his book)? d) is he just clueless about wooing a girl and thinks that a weekly phone call constitutes some sort of 'laying claim' while vaguely hoping something will happen at some vague point in the future?
Jules Dash Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 If the first paragraph of your post is true, just forget about it. Don't take this on as some fascinating challenge or anything. Accept that he is a very busy man and let him do what he does. You know what is going to happen? You will try to wiggle your way into his life and become disappointed that he really does not offfer anyone much of his time outside of work and then you will resent him for it for not making you the exception. 2
katiegrl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) I think when he meets the girl who finally knocks his socks off ....he won't be *too busy*. Funny how often that happens, after which backburner girl is like "WTF". Edited September 20, 2015 by katiegrl 1
lana-banana Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 A) There's no reason for the backburner girl to keep hanging on. B) It seems highly unlikely he likes her as more than a friend. C) Weekly phone calls are an "extra mile" for acquaintances, not friends. Hell, I'm 29 and I think I talk to my investment broker more than that. D) No. He doesn't like her enough to date her or even see her. I don't often agree with katiegrl, but when she's right, she's right. This guy is loving his career right now and has not met or seen anyone he'd rather put first. But rest assured he will eventually meet Ms. Right, and when he does he'll be gushing about her all day long to the backburner girl.
Author Piddle Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 So, I'm not backup girl. I know it seems strange that I posted it like this, but I wanted opinions on what was going on before I add my thing in to the mix to complicate it. I won't go into too much detail, mainly because is makes me sound like a complete b***h and also because the circumstances are kind of specific and you never know who's on here . So, I know them both. More contact with her than him, though I live close to him. I also know mutual people with him. I have my own issues and I'm trying to meet new men. Basically I kind of like this guy I know it makes me sound horrible, that I'm stepping on someone else's toes or something. I could walk away but I seriously never meet anyone and it would be a shame and kind of pointless to walk away if he doesn't like her anymore than a friend. I have not had a vibe from him that he likes me either but once I've established in my mind that he has no feelings for this other girl I have no problem just asking him out.
menyou Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 So, I'm not backup girl. I know it seems strange that I posted it like this, but I wanted opinions on what was going on before I add my thing in to the mix to complicate it. I won't go into too much detail, mainly because is makes me sound like a complete b***h and also because the circumstances are kind of specific and you never know who's on here . So, I know them both. More contact with her than him, though I live close to him. I also know mutual people with him. I have my own issues and I'm trying to meet new men. Basically I kind of like this guy I know it makes me sound horrible, that I'm stepping on someone else's toes or something. I could walk away but I seriously never meet anyone and it would be a shame and kind of pointless to walk away if he doesn't like her anymore than a friend. I have not had a vibe from him that he likes me either but once I've established in my mind that he has no feelings for this other girl I have no problem just asking him out. So, why don't you do just that? If he's not committed elsewhere you have nothing to lose.
empresario Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I am a business owner and entrepreneur. I work almost constantly. When I'm not working, I'm improving my image by volunteering, coaching young professionals, or sitting on advisory boards. But, if I like a girl I will find time for her. Fact. I say this all the time, but if a guy is serious about pursuing you, he will create a 25th hour in that day to make it happen. 1
IronZ Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Everyone's situation is different, obviously, but the most important thing to take from this is that when you care about someone, you will make time for them. Honestly, if he has as bad a schedule as you're saying, he should not be dating because he can't put a real effort into the relationship.
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