Author Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I believe it is because I still feel I went off the wall yelling at her, which I knew was wrong, and it happened a few times. So I'm trying to figure out exactly why…. Is it me? Or did I just react to it all, but perhaps in a detractive manner? I know it was wrong to say "f-you" to her, and I know it hurt her. So yes, there is guilt playing me here. And I did care, so much so that I went 4000 miles to be with her in her time of need. It was all just intense for me.
losangelena Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Well, you can't go back and change things. Obviously for someone to make you so upset, they were obviously pushing your buttons just so. Again, playing things over in your mind, asking yourself, "if I had done things differently, would we still be together," is a game you can't win. Because what happened happened, and I personally don't think it would've made a difference. LEARN from your mistakes and MOVE ON. You are not going to get a redo in this relationship, and from the sounds of her, it doesn't sound like you should want one. I understand the propensity to want to mull over your mistakes, but the level to which you're obsessing over it is unhealthy.
Author Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 Well, you can't go back and change things. Obviously for someone to make you so upset, they were obviously pushing your buttons just so. Again, playing things over in your mind, asking yourself, "if I had done things differently, would we still be together," is a game you can't win. Because what happened happened, and I personally don't think it would've made a difference. LEARN from your mistakes and MOVE ON. You are not going to get a redo in this relationship, and from the sounds of her, it doesn't sound like you should want one. I understand the propensity to want to mull over your mistakes, but the level to which you're obsessing over it is unhealthy. What else can I say but I agree and you are correct. I believe the "what if" that has also kept me going with this is all the intense emotion involved with the relationship… the idea that "she was in a life transition" and "if I had only…" For me, planning the life I was going to have with her, was pretty intense. It has affected me, for better or worse.
losangelena Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 What else can I say but I agree and you are correct. I believe the "what if" that has also kept me going with this is all the intense emotion involved with the relationship… the idea that "she was in a life transition" and "if I had only…" For me, planning the life I was going to have with her, was pretty intense. It has affected me, for better or worse. I get it, and I've been there. It's natural for you to be wrestling with this, and I think you will for a while, too. We can tell you a million times to just get over it and move on, and there's a part of your brain that can agree with that and want that, but chances are you're going to go back and forth on this for a while still. But eventually, you will so exhaust yourself by mulling it over continuously, that you just get sick of it and stop. 1
Author Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I get it, and I've been there. It's natural for you to be wrestling with this, and I think you will for a while, too. We can tell you a million times to just get over it and move on, and there's a part of your brain that can agree with that and want that, but chances are you're going to go back and forth on this for a while still. But eventually, you will so exhaust yourself by mulling it over continuously, that you just get sick of it and stop. I'm going to concentrate on the fact she was "too fast to leave me" after all I did for her. Even if her story is correct about the guy, facts are she specifically tried to hide him on g+ and then tell me "how would I know I want you if I didn't do this". And when I told her another thing she said that hurt me, she didn't even apologize, no "I'm sorry you are hurt" or the like. Now that I think back, I feel as though I wasn't cared about really. So yes… I think I had it right along too…. She wasn't as committed as she said. She told me "she wasn't in a relationship" many times, which frustrated me. She said she had to "heal before she could". Is that a reasonable request though that I didn't respect?
losangelena Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) I'm going to concentrate on the fact she was "too fast to leave me" after all I did for her. Even if her story is correct about the guy, facts are she specifically tried to hide him on g+ and then tell me "how would I know I want you if I didn't do this". And when I told her another thing she said that hurt me, she didn't even apologize, no "I'm sorry you are hurt" or the like. Now that I think back, I feel as though I wasn't cared about really. So yes… I think I had it right along too…. She wasn't as committed as she said. She told me "she wasn't in a relationship" many times, which frustrated me. She said she had to "heal before she could". Is that a reasonable request though that I didn't respect? I don't know. I don't think this is a productive conversation to have if you're wanting to try and get over her. Maybe you should try not posting about this for a while. All it's really doing is fueling your obsessive thoughts. Go do something else for a while. Edited September 23, 2015 by losangelena 1
Author Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 I don't know. I don't think this is a productive conversation to have if you're wanting to try and get over her. Maybe you should try not posting about this for a while. All it's really doing is fueling your obsessive thoughts. Go do something else for a while. I'll get over it slowly. I do want the ring and money back…. let her go be with her "new guy".
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