Sad_potato Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Hi, I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years. We lived together for 1.5 years of that time. Our relationship was very romantic and we were best friends. The reason for our break up was me being jealous and afraid of losing him in various imaginary situations (losing him to another girl, losing him in car accident). By being jealous, controlling and not trusting him I pushed him further away every time I was worried of losing him. Also he has very bad situation in life. We moved to another city which was full of my friends and activities, I also started to study there. He was hoping to get job there and he did for couple of months. Now he has been unemployed for one year in a city where he doesn't know anyone but me. He's been trapped in our apartment without friends and money. I believe he's a little bit depressed. We started to fight often in the summer, he felt that I haven't responded to his worries and I have only caused him more pain with my controlling. I haven't listened to what is really bothering him, I just wanted to swipe our problems away and hope things will get better without looking for the reasons that caused them in the first place. This week we had a major fight and at the end of the fight he said that he wants to break up with me. This was devastating to me. Just yesterday (before the break up) he said that he loves me and doesn't want to break up with me. I had made a huge realization before the last fight, which was that I haven't been taking his problems as seriously as I should have. After the break up he has said that he wishes we could get back together some time in the future, but first I need to change. I agree with him on that, I have issues that have ruined my past relationships and some of the past relationship have made my problem behavior even stronger. He said I need to work on these things alone. I'm going to see therapists as soon as possible. I have done lot of soul searching in a week and already by now I have made lot of improvement. I realize fixing myself is gonna take lot of time and we cannot continue the relationship before that. I need your view and help, has any of you been in a situation like this? How did it work for you? We're now moving away from each other, I'm worried if that will cause our feelings of attraction and love to wither. Thank you for reading, I'm wishing the best of luck all of you!
Samuel_22 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Hi, I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years. We lived together for 1.5 years of that time. Our relationship was very romantic and we were best friends. The reason for our break up was me being jealous and afraid of losing him in various imaginary situations (losing him to another girl, losing him in car accident). By being jealous, controlling and not trusting him I pushed him further away every time I was worried of losing him. Also he has very bad situation in life. We moved to another city which was full of my friends and activities, I also started to study there. He was hoping to get job there and he did for couple of months. Now he has been unemployed for one year in a city where he doesn't know anyone but me. He's been trapped in our apartment without friends and money. I believe he's a little bit depressed. We started to fight often in the summer, he felt that I haven't responded to his worries and I have only caused him more pain with my controlling. I haven't listened to what is really bothering him, I just wanted to swipe our problems away and hope things will get better without looking for the reasons that caused them in the first place. This week we had a major fight and at the end of the fight he said that he wants to break up with me. This was devastating to me. Just yesterday (before the break up) he said that he loves me and doesn't want to break up with me. I had made a huge realization before the last fight, which was that I haven't been taking his problems as seriously as I should have. After the break up he has said that he wishes we could get back together some time in the future, but first I need to change. I agree with him on that, I have issues that have ruined my past relationships and some of the past relationship have made my problem behavior even stronger. He said I need to work on these things alone. I'm going to see therapists as soon as possible. I have done lot of soul searching in a week and already by now I have made lot of improvement. I realize fixing myself is gonna take lot of time and we cannot continue the relationship before that. I need your view and help, has any of you been in a situation like this? How did it work for you? We're now moving away from each other, I'm worried if that will cause our feelings of attraction and love to wither. Thank you for reading, I'm wishing the best of luck all of you! Well...I am sorry for what you are going through...Problems are always there for us human beings...I think I can understand your boyfriend, and what he is going through is atrocious for a man...nothing can hit a man worse than unemployment, and worse than that being out of cash...well I think you need to give him some room, he is literally going through a nightmare in his life, in the mean time you also mentioned that you need to improve yourself, and please do so...know that when you go overboard in every aspect imaginable...it is bad...let it be too concerned about your boyfriend, or loving someone too much etc...you have to practice patience, and do things in moderation.... As for is it over part...Well I dunno you much, and I don't know what your boyfriend is thinking right now...but from the looks of it, I think...No it is not...you have to implement NC and let yourselves have some space and time to improve yourselves, remember that sending messages and calling him, will make things go from bad to worse...just calm down and give it some time... remember he should be the one to contact you, you have to listen to the conversation is his mind not your mind, so when he is ready he will definitely contact you.... just prepare yourself for the worst case scenario, that never hurts and try to improve yourself in all aspects possible Good luck
Oregon_Dude Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Hey potato (that's fun to say!), I think your r/s is a lost cause at this point. As you admit, you pretty much blew the whole thing up. I'm glad you're going to therapy to address these jealousy and controlling issues that you have. Despite what you claim, you cannot have made any meaningful changes in a week. You're right that it's going to take time. Unfortunately, because of the way you treated this man, he's sick of it and doesn't want to deal with your ways any longer. That is his right. Fact is, you acted in a certain way for a long enough time that he simply realized you weren't worth the headache, and that you weren't right for him. Good news is, you are directly addressing these issues so as to become a fuller, healthier person. I would leave this man completely alone. You must work on yourself right now. Any future chance for reconciliation is unlikely. Hate to say it, but you messed up a good thing. So did my ex, and the exes of many people on this board. It's OK. But you need to learn from it. Since you're moving away from each other, this r/s is definitely over. You are part of his past now, and he yours. Going forward in life, make sure to hold onto the special people. We are out there, and we also don't take crap for too long from others. He is only taking care of himself by breaking up with you. If the r/s was mutually satisfying, he wouldn't have had to do it. Good luck! Don't kick yourself too much. Hope therapy opens your eyes to some of your tendencies. OD
Author Sad_potato Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Thank you Oregon_Dude for your honest answer. I feel bad for you that you had the same kind of ex. It's totally wrong to unload your own insecurities to another people's face, especially to the ones you love. It makes this even worse that he knew all along what is wrong with me, he told it many times and I refused to listen. I feel so bad for him after I realized how terrible I was to him. And I understand why he couldn't take it anymore. He has forgiven enough my mistakes. Only if we could ever work this one out...
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