Guyouthere Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Someone on here brought up the hypothesis that online daters have a much higher likelihood of being narcissists or have other emotional/personality issues as to compared to what is out in the "non online" population. What are your thoughts on this? More likely to run into the "less normal" individuals online? From my experience, this is true.
menyou Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Someone on here brought up the hypothesis that online daters have a much higher likelihood of being narcissists or have other emotional/personality issues as to compared to what is out in the "non online" population. What are your thoughts on this? More likely to run into the "less normal" individuals online? From my experience, this is true. No. This is not true. I have been online in the past and have dated from just meeting people randomly. It's the same everywhere. Everyone is crazy. Haha j/k 1
losangelena Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I have not had that experience. I get what you are saying, but ... I also don't quite understand why there is still such resistance to OLD. This is the 21st century. We are quickly becoming a digital society. We all have Facebook pages and Twitter accounts. We're on Whatsapp and Snapchat and Instagram. We use Uber to get around and GrubHub to deliver our meals. I don't think these developments have made people as a whole more narcissistic, I just think that we now see it a lot more easily. More or less, the people you see on OLD sites are the exact same ones you'd see at a bar or a restaurant, or ones you'd meet in class or in a hiking group or at church. Same ones; they're the same. If anything, OLD widens your available pool of people to include those who you'd NEVER get a chance to meet IRL. So no, I don't think that simply by virtue of being online that someone is more vain or narcissistic, and the pool of people I've met from it back up that assertion. 2
neowulf Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Online dating has provided MASSIVE advantages in the dating scene. It's simply a tool. Some people will misuse it, some won't. But the benefits have spoken for themselves. 1
Smitten and Bitten Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I have not had that experience. I get what you are saying, but ... I also don't quite understand why there is still such resistance to OLD. This is the 21st century. We are quickly becoming a digital society. We all have Facebook pages and Twitter accounts. We're on Whatsapp and Snapchat and Instagram. We use Uber to get around and GrubHub to deliver our meals. I don't think these developments have made people as a whole more narcissistic, I just think that we now see it a lot more easily. More or less, the people you see on OLD sites are the exact same ones you'd see at a bar or a restaurant, or ones you'd meet in class or in a hiking group or at church. Same ones; they're the same. If anything, OLD widens your available pool of people to include those who you'd NEVER get a chance to meet IRL. So no, I don't think that simply by virtue of being online that someone is more vain or narcissistic, and the pool of people I've met from it back up that assertion. Hi losangelena, I respectfully disagree: If narcissists crave attention, what better way to get it than online where they can show thousands, if not millions, of people what wonderful human beings they are, on a minute-by-minute basis? I didn't mean to imply that people who are online are narcissistic simply because they're online; I just think it's more likely for a narcissist to be online. I don't think the internet has "made" people more narcissistic either, but it sure does give more people more opportunity to practice it. Could it be that you haven't met a disproportionate amount simply because you're better at weeding them out?
losangelena Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I'm not quite sure how what you're saying translates to OLD, though. OP is asking if there's a difference between the people you meet online and those you meet offline. I think, by and large, they're mostly the same. I mean, the Venn diagram doesn't completely overlap, it's just that where they do meet is a very large area. Maybe it's a regional thing (I don't know where you or OP live), but in a big city, everyone does online dating. It is hard to meet people here day-to-day, because they're so busy all the time. Almost everyone I know has tried it at some point, and I don't know too many attention wh*res. Also, I wonder if your perception is skewed slightly because of your experience with OLD. It sounds like something on an anomaly to be honest. I suspect that's part of the learning curve, though. You do OLD long enough and you can get a sense for the high maintenance ones.
edgygirl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 It's not like people are less normal, it's just that there are many more options, and most people get "Dating ADD" and there's a high chance they don't focus on dating one person and really getting to know them... instead they flock to new shiny things. I have met some weirdos though and at least one psychopath. Of course the people who are left on the shelves because they have all kinds of issues (emotional, physical, and whatnot) flock to online dating. But normal people do too. Although 8 million people live in my city, most people I know do online dating as it's hard to meet people in real life organically. So I guess you get a mix of everything.
Smitten and Bitten Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I'm not quite sure how what you're saying translates to OLD, though. I was assuming a bunch of things, e.g. that your typical narcissist would be more inclined to be online than a typical shy person. Although now that I think about it maybe shy people are even more likely to be online so maybe it cancels out. And maybe, for a narcissist, it isn't the "quantity" but the "quality", if you get what I'm saying. Also Facebook. But almost everyone appears narcissistic on Facebook. OP is asking if there's a difference between the people you meet online and those you meet offline. I think, by and large, they're mostly the same. I mean, the Venn diagram doesn't completely overlap, it's just that where they do meet is a very large area. Maybe it's a regional thing (I don't know where you or OP live), but in a big city, everyone does online dating. It is hard to meet people here day-to-day, because they're so busy all the time. Almost everyone I know has tried it at some point, and I don't know too many attention wh*res. I didn't realize that about big cities. I'm in a rural/suburban area. I have no idea of the percentage of people here who do OLD. Also, I wonder if your perception is skewed slightly because of your experience with OLD. It sounds like something on an anomaly to be honest. I suspect that's part of the learning curve, though. You do OLD long enough and you can get a sense for the high maintenance ones. My perception is probably still a bit skewed from my past marriage, but I'm trying. I wouldn't base anything on my OLD experience because I've had very little. I was just making guesses based on generalities, so I could be way off. Well I'm completely out of my area of expertise now.
Maggie4 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Maybe it's not so much that people on OLD are less well adjusted. But that the ill-adjusted and the personality disordered ones have a better chance, online, of getting further with people. In real life, our intuition and radar would have weeded them out at first meeting. No need to spend weeks texting and building up false impressions. We didn't develop the ability to read subtle body language and facial expression through evolution for nothing, you know. 1
neowulf Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Maybe it's not so much that people on OLD are less well adjusted. But that the ill-adjusted and the personality disordered ones have a better chance, online, of getting further with people. In real life, our intuition and radar would have weeded them out at first meeting. No need to spend weeks texting and building up false impressions. We didn't develop the ability to read subtle body language and facial expression through evolution for nothing, you know. I tend to agree that this is the biggest drawback of online dating. I'm actually thinking of video chatting with people before I meet them now. There's really something to be said for face to face meetings, body language included. 1
menyou Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I tend to agree that this is the biggest drawback of online dating. I'm actually thinking of video chatting with people before I meet them now. There's really something to be said for face to face meetings, body language included. video chat is weird. even with people i know. lol but thats just me. show interest online. text. phone call. make plan to meet.
h0000 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I agree. Because they have such personalities, they are having trouble finding love in real life, hence they go online. That is not to say all OLD users are having such personalities. But the percentage is simply higher 1
losangelena Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 For me, old just made sense. A lot of my friends are married, and I work from home; I live with three women, most of my male friends are gay, I'm standoffish on the street and I don't go to bars or church. My organic pool of available single men is tiny, and old expanded it exponentially. I have not met too many weirdos online. I mean look at us all. We do old, are we creepy, defective, etc? I bet all of us would say no. It's not much different for just about everyone online.
Maggie4 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Losangelina, I don't do OLD, and I'm defective! (but not creepy... at least I don't think so ...) Seriously, I hear ya, and probably women do better than men online. I am pulling the plug on my wifi later this year. For me, no more internet. No landline, no cable. I live in LA and I plan on just leaving my house whenever I want to know what's going on in the world. I'm gonna walk more and drive less, how's that for being green?
lino Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I admit that if I met a woman who was online dating, I'd wonder 'why?' Maybe one's in a small town hoping to meet men outside of that town or one's who work insane amounts of hours I could see why but women in a big city have endless opportunities to meet men. Other than extremely picky women, I've never met any who have trouble meeting men. There are guys everywhere I look for Christ's sake!
craw Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 There's something so magical about it happening naturally IRL. I'm not saying it couldn't happen OLD, it can just feel weird. Browsing through profiles, messaging. I think it's something that can't be rushed. I met someone IRL, we met at a couch surfing meeting. I think we went on a few dates. I kinda fell for him. It was wonderful to be treated like a lady. We met in person. He took me out for a few dinners. I wasn't sure that we were on dates. Weird thing is we talked about marriage, nothing crazy, but how his parents are still married and mine are. We didn't talk about sex, he didn't send me a "dick pic". Maybe he had a girlfriend and was a player, who knows. It was like meeting price charming. Online dating kills that, because men are mostly about hump n dump. I wouldn't put up " looking for a relationship", because it can't be forced. Guys have become so cheap nowadays, don't want to.pay as they feel its "waste of money" or whatever bs. They want instant gratification. No more.learning about someone getting to know them, building passion. No wham, bam, thank you ma'am. I just recently.met a guy from online and it was traumatising, he lied about everything about himself. U know what? Online dating is mostly.about lying. Lying about how you look, how you act, being satisfied. I mean this one guy was obsessed about how I looked, yet he was creepy disgusting. I'm literally an angel and he was a troll. It's really sad. I can't wait to leave North America so badly.
craw Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Oh yeah forget about a guy taking you out on a date. It's all Netflix and chill bs. Horrible ****.
menyou Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 There's something so magical about it happening naturally IRL. I'm not saying it couldn't happen OLD, it can just feel weird. Browsing through profiles, messaging. I think it's something that can't be rushed. I met someone IRL, we met at a couch surfing meeting. I think we went on a few dates. I kinda fell for him. It was wonderful to be treated like a lady. We met in person. He took me out for a few dinners. I wasn't sure that we were on dates. Weird thing is we talked about marriage, nothing crazy, but how his parents are still married and mine are. We didn't talk about sex, he didn't send me a "dick pic". Maybe he had a girlfriend and was a player, who knows. It was like meeting price charming. Online dating kills that, because men are mostly about hump n dump. I wouldn't put up " looking for a relationship", because it can't be forced. Guys have become so cheap nowadays, don't want to.pay as they feel its "waste of money" or whatever bs. They want instant gratification. No more.learning about someone getting to know them, building passion. No wham, bam, thank you ma'am. I just recently.met a guy from online and it was traumatising, he lied about everything about himself. U know what? Online dating is mostly.about lying. Lying about how you look, how you act, being satisfied. I mean this one guy was obsessed about how I looked, yet he was creepy disgusting. I'm literally an angel and he was a troll. It's really sad. I can't wait to leave North America so badly. That's terrible. Do people not get that if you actually meet the gig is up with the lies? Why is so much energy put forth being who you are not? There is so much negative in this world I guess people just want to share it around. That sucks. I haven't had a *bad experience with lying so far with OLD but I swear if it ever happens that guy better watch his a$$.
menyou Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Oh yeah forget about a guy taking you out on a date. It's all Netflix and chill bs. Horrible ****. Lol unless you like Netflix and chill.
losangelena Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Losangelina, I don't do OLD, and I'm defective! (but not creepy... at least I don't think so ...) Seriously, I hear ya, and probably women do better than men online. I am pulling the plug on my wifi later this year. For me, no more internet. No landline, no cable. I live in LA and I plan on just leaving my house whenever I want to know what's going on in the world. I'm gonna walk more and drive less, how's that for being green? That is ... amazing. I am doing the carless in LA thing, which is hard enough (though in Silver Lake it's not THAT hard). I can't imagine no wifi, too. I mean, I need it for work, so I couldn't realistically pull the plug, but kudos to you, that sounds like a bold step!
Gaeta Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Every man that approached me live in real life ended up being a weirdo as much, if not even more, than those I met online. 1
nyah Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I've done the OLD dating thing in the past and also IRL dating and I have met both creeps and lovely people in both situations. Sure, there are a lot more liars and people that are just wanting a one nighter when it comes to OLD, but I found it pretty easy to weed them out once I got talking to them quite a bit over the phone. I would never just meet someone after only messaging back and forth. I need to talk to the real person verbally first, to suss them out better. I met my amazing partner online last year and couldn't be happier.
No_Go Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 In my opinion/experience, the population of the 2 groups has a huge overlap: nearly every person that I know has >=1 profiles online + meets people randomly offline if an occasion arises so..... ....IT IS THE SAME PEOPLE P.S. Only off-line daters are usually: 1) older 2) very traditional and/or 3) very extroverted Only online daters: 1) very unexperienced 2) very introverted These are the limits, exist but happen random enough to ignore Someone on here brought up the hypothesis that online daters have a much higher likelihood of being narcissists or have other emotional/personality issues as to compared to what is out in the "non online" population. What are your thoughts on this? More likely to run into the "less normal" individuals online? From my experience, this is true.
Author Guyouthere Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 Well I have a big shark fishing thing here in Florida, so prefer to meet women online to supply my meat grinder It's easier than real life. lol :*
shet Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 OLD features a high proportion of time wasters. At least IRL, you meet someone and hit it off and make dates, it's real. On OLD you're trying to do that but 90% of everyone is just there to entertain themselves and friends, have fruitless conversations, boost their ego and wait for someone out of GQ magazine to message them. Furthermore, I've noticed OLD women have requirements and are dating to an agenda, whereas IRL connections are mostly about authentic holistic interest. I don't know if this is because OLD women are demonstrating why they're long term single, or if it's because OLD is by nature a data-driven experience where people look for qualifiers. 1
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