TheBathWater Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) There is a woman I work with who I've been talking to for a long time, though nothing has ever happened. But we are very friendly and have discussed possibly going out sometime. Her supervisor who she reports to (also my buddy) has been trying to set us up for months too. So last night, at his suggestion, the three of us and one other colleague all went out for drinks. It turns out my buddy (who is her supervisor, remember) just recently split from his wife, and he and the girl were flirting like wild all night right in front of me. He may have even spent the night at her place after we all went home. Now, the woman is not mine, and she has every right to do what she wants. But the whole night was very awkward for me. I feel it was inappropriate for my buddy to not only be violating the bro code, but to be courting his supervisee. I feel both he and her could have been more courteous and just went out alone, if that's how it is. I didn't say anything about it to either of them and don't plan to. How would be people suggest I act at work going forward? I kind of wish I didn't see any of this and am not sure I can maintain the kind of casual relationship I had with either of them. I think I am really disappointed in my friend, since he is her superior and also framed the outing initially as him trying to support her and I getting together. Edited September 20, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine
jen1447 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 If you set aside the work aspect it was kinda crappy on both of their accounts. If you're not dating (exclusively) she's free to date elsewhere and do whatever she wants, but to put it right in your face after you've apparently "discussed going out sometime" is classless and insulting. Especially when the target is your friend. On the guy's part, cutting in after he indicated he'd support you, and doing that when he knows you may have a thing for her, is crappy too. If they got their own thing going, fine, but they shouldn't have started working on it right in front of you, and they probably should have broken it to you in a more thoughtful way apart from it actually happening in your presence. The work aspect makes it worse - supervisor/subordinate is generally a no-no anyway and it'll obvs make you uncomfortable at work now. If I were you I'd re-evaluate my relationship with both of them and use this as an opportunity to refocus professionally. Work while you're at work and leave the flirting and romance to them, and take a pass on any other non-professional interaction with them as well. They didn't show you the respect and consideration you're due so I doubt they're genuine friends. 3
losangelena Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I agree with Jen. This was my reaction while reading your post: It sounds like those two deserve each other. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Probably your "buddy" has always fancied her, but couldn't act on it himself because he was married? and he talked about setting you up with her so he can open the subject of dating her, or sort of date her through you. Now you need to avoid this woman like the plague. She's in trouble, doing that with her supervisor who just recently split with the wife. They don't have equal power, and in the end, she will be used and she will be the loser. Just be glad you didn't actually go out with her! Cos if you did, your friend will hold it against both of you. You found out the truth and that was a positive thing to come out of it. Was probably an awkward evening for that one other colleague who went with you guys too, eh? 1
Popsicle Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I've experienced something like this before. You would be surprised how many immature women love to set you up with a guy THEY like! Like Maggie said, it's just a way for them to open conversation and get close with the person they like. You are just a conversation piece and a means for him to get together with her on the sly. And don't be surprised when the dweeb gets in your face acting all giddy and friendly like nothing happened. Or worse, want to talk and gush with you about this girl and what he did with her. (people are such emotional retards). So what I've done in the past is just gave the "friend" the cold shoulder after that, because they weren't really a friend anyway, so nothing lost. And then, they'll play dumb like "what in the world is wrong with you? :confused:" to which you should ignore, because discussing it is pointless, they have already revealed their true colors as user who has no consideration for your feelings. They'll go on thinking you were a jealous psycho or something but who cares what they think? You just want to be rid of them. The point is to just end the "friendship" as quietly and quickly as possible. 1
edgygirl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Wow this is quite upsetting But just to play devil's advocate and try to think about it from a different angle: what if they just hit it off right there at the bar for some reason, and there was no prior intention of it happening? Some would say in love and war there are no rules or so? Although for me I'd never do that, at the very least, wait a few days to pass and not do it in front of you, and have a talk with you before anything happened.
jen1447 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Wow this is quite upsetting But just to play devil's advocate and try to think about it from a different angle: what if they just hit it off right there at the bar for some reason, and there was no prior intention of it happening? Some would say in love and war there are no rules or so? Although for me I'd never do that, at the very least, wait a few days to pass and not do it in front of you, and have a talk with you before anything happened. My own perspective on that is if I saw it happening I'd either damp it down til later out of respect or if I had an opportunity alone with the person I was having fireworks with I'd say "hey we need to cool this down for the moment for ____'s sake." Spontanaeity's all well and good but we have a greater obligation to responsibility as adults.
edgygirl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Totally agree Jen. But as you know, most people are selfish... specially in love. 1
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