fairytaleending25 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Hi Everyone, So... I don't know where to start from. I love this guy, like genuinely mad passionate crazy love and he has done everything that should make me hate him but I can't. We met at a fitness club, used to fight often, just didn't get along but then one fine day we just clicked. Even though we continued fighting but he sounded like the man of my dreams. An extremely smart (read nerd) man who seemed extremely loyal, didn't date for 4 years coz his first gf (supposedly) cheated on him. Anyhoo, I fell for him, badly! Then his lies started unraveling. Everything from his nature to the things he told me about himself, everything was a lie. Whenever we fought he also went behind my back and said alot of **** against me. This supposed shy guy throughout college chased girls however he was never successful in wooing them. He made me believe he was someone else. He always denied the lies until I got proof of them. He talked to certain girls I didnt like despite telling me he has blocked them. This happened thrice. I gave him numerous chances before I finally broke up for good. I survived a month but I missed him dearly and got back with him again. This time he again promised there will be no further lies and we were starting afresh. However, certain lies he said to me in the past did end up bothering me, particularly about a girl he liked but was committed. When we were together he ended up meeting her didn't tell me and said he met her because SHE ASKED. I knew deep in my heart it was him and when I confronted him continued lying this time around as well. I decided to confront the girl and he went to her and asked her to cover for him. I got to know all this and was devastated. After everything that I have done for him, all the mistreatment, all the lies he said about me to others, all the forgiveness he lied to me again for the umpteenth time and this time I am truly shattered. He tried to get in touch with me to ask for forgiveness but I shouted at him and blocked him forever. I am finding it really hard to move on and I'm not even sure if I have done the right thing. Yes he never cheated on me but he did something equally bad. How can I AGAIN try to trust him? Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out Tell me what to do! He seems to love me but then he says no matter hard he tries he ends up lying as he does not want to hurt me or see me sad due to his pas actions. However, I had made it very clear to him that what he said or did in the past will not bother me cuz his lies bother me much more Kindly help as all I do is mope around and stalk him online.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Hi Everyone, So... I don't know where to start from. I love this guy, like genuinely mad passionate crazy love and he has done everything that should make me hate him but I can't. We met at a fitness club, used to fight often, just didn't get along but then one fine day we just clicked. Even though we continued fighting but he sounded like the man of my dreams. An extremely smart (read nerd) man who seemed extremely loyal, didn't date for 4 years coz his first gf (supposedly) cheated on him. Anyhoo, I fell for him, badly! Then his lies started unraveling. Everything from his nature to the things he told me about himself, everything was a lie. Whenever we fought he also went behind my back and said alot of **** against me. This supposed shy guy throughout college chased girls however he was never successful in wooing them. He made me believe he was someone else. He always denied the lies until I got proof of them. He talked to certain girls I didnt like despite telling me he has blocked them. This happened thrice. I gave him numerous chances before I finally broke up for good. I survived a month but I missed him dearly and got back with him again. This time he again promised there will be no further lies and we were starting afresh. However, certain lies he said to me in the past did end up bothering me, particularly about a girl he liked but was committed. When we were together he ended up meeting her didn't tell me and said he met her because SHE ASKED. I knew deep in my heart it was him and when I confronted him continued lying this time around as well. I decided to confront the girl and he went to her and asked her to cover for him. I got to know all this and was devastated. After everything that I have done for him, all the mistreatment, all the lies he said about me to others, all the forgiveness he lied to me again for the umpteenth time and this time I am truly shattered. He tried to get in touch with me to ask for forgiveness but I shouted at him and blocked him forever. I am finding it really hard to move on and I'm not even sure if I have done the right thing. Yes he never cheated on me but he did something equally bad. How can I AGAIN try to trust him? Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out Tell me what to do! He seems to love me but then he says no matter hard he tries he ends up lying as he does not want to hurt me or see me sad due to his pas actions. However, I had made it very clear to him that what he said or did in the past will not bother me cuz his lies bother me much more Kindly help as all I do is mope around and stalk him online. No, he doesn't. What is your definition of love, exactly? All the lying and sneaking around and disrespect indicates just the opposite. I am guessing you don't have a lot of relationship experience if you classify this as love. He doesn't love you. Don't bother trying to trust him. He's shown you over and over that he sucks. He's not going to change. Where are your standards and self-respect, girl? Delete him from your social media. A jerk can only mistreat you if you allow him to do so. Stop allowing yourself to be treated so poorly. 1
Author fairytaleending25 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 Yes, you are right. I seem to love him more than I love myself. The only thing that holds me back is that no matter what he's always there begging for another chance. He even told his folks about me, met my mom and told her he wants to marry me. I just cannot seem to get him out of my mind I cannot sleep or do anything. It just hurts and hurts so much thinking about what he did to me
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Read the NC Guide in my signature and implement it 100%. I'm not even going to elaborate. This whole thing is so toxic, and you obviously have such a low opinion of yourself, that it seems, on the face of it, that you're prepared to do whatever it takes to convince yourself he is 'the one'. He isn't. My god, he really, really isn't. Do a number on him, and then work on yourself, with therapy, if necessary. Girl, you are in a bad place right now. You need to really up the love you have for yourself. I mean, really 'up' it....
Author fairytaleending25 Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 Thank you for your advice Tara, though I'm not sure how well I'll be able to follow it. Hopefully some day I'll realize that he really isn't the one and stop crying over everything that happened
HereNorThere Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 When humans experience the loss of a bond, whether it's through death, relocation, break-ups, whatever, we grieve. It's a natural process that we developed through evolution because we thrive better in groups. There's no magic trick to getting over the breaking of a bond, but most people will tell you that time does truly heal all wounds. Right now you're in the thick of heartbreak and it's not a fun place to be. I can assure that everyone has been there before. I know it seems bad now, but one day you look back on this and realize it's a positive experience. Not because you had your heart broken, but because you got rid of a toxic relationship that was only going to bring you down long-term. Right now, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. FORCE yourself to get out of the house and take comfort in your family and friends. Do some self-improvement projects and rediscover the the things you love about your life. Eventually the obsessive thoughts ease up a bit and you return your old self, only better. Give it some time and realize that you do have a choice. You don't have to sit around moping and stalking social media. You may not have a choice in the break-up, but you certainly don't have to keep feeding the depression. That's a personal choice you are making and it's up to you to break that pattern. Good luck and do at least one fun thing today with a friend!
Author fairytaleending25 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 When humans experience the loss of a bond, whether it's through death, relocation, break-ups, whatever, we grieve. It's a natural process that we developed through evolution because we thrive better in groups. There's no magic trick to getting over the breaking of a bond, but most people will tell you that time does truly heal all wounds. Right now you're in the thick of heartbreak and it's not a fun place to be. I can assure that everyone has been there before. I know it seems bad now, but one day you look back on this and realize it's a positive experience. Not because you had your heart broken, but because you got rid of a toxic relationship that was only going to bring you down long-term. Right now, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. FORCE yourself to get out of the house and take comfort in your family and friends. Do some self-improvement projects and rediscover the the things you love about your life. Eventually the obsessive thoughts ease up a bit and you return your old self, only better. Give it some time and realize that you do have a choice. You don't have to sit around moping and stalking social media. You may not have a choice in the break-up, but you certainly don't have to keep feeding the depression. That's a personal choice you are making and it's up to you to break that pattern. Good luck and do at least one fun thing today with a friend! Thank you for taking the time out to response. You really helped me feel better. Everyone expects me to break off ties and move on in the snap of a finger. I'm glad someone understand it will take some time but also that it is possible. I'm hoping I stick to it and not return to him no matter how hard it hurts. I still dream that maybe the distance might make him learn his lesson and turn over a new leaf which scares me and makes me think I will never move on but I promise I'll try my best. I am trying new thinhs and just enrolled myself in a gym. Hope that helps
frigginlost Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 Sorry for how you feel... Take a step back and look at this/yourself in a third perspective: You are in love with the person he portrayed himself as. You are not in love with who he really is. He will not change. Ever. Get that out of your head. People like him do not change. They can't. They have spent years and years ingraining the spinning and lying into their psych and that is the only thing they know. They can't and won't break out of it without a ton of help and most won't get it.
Recommended Posts