Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 This thread is hysterical. Hope you are laughing, too:lmao: 80% laughing, 20% banging my head against the wall. That probably means I'm insane doesn't it.
Popsicle Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Maybe men do it too, I don't know, but if they do, that would also be interesting to hear about... So, when you're on a date with a woman you've met online, why do they show you profiles and messages from other men? It seems irrelevant to me. Or am I completely clueless and this is just something that people do? And a side question: Does EVERYONE text during dates now? Because they don't know what else to talk about. They lack conversation skills. (and no, it's not okay)
IronZ Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) First off, that has never once happened to me, nor have I shown any woman I've dated my profile or conversations with other women. I don't know why that's happening to you but it's clearly a bad sign. As far as texting.. yes unfortunately we're in a society where texting prioritizes any other form of communication. It's the next step away from the OLD site you met on. I usually get their number soon after messaging them because I don't like to constantly be on the site/app. If they're interested they will text me and then eventually we will meet. EDIT: I now realize what you were asking about was texting DURING the date. Normally I make it a habit to never do this, unless it's a family member that needs prioritizing, in which case I let them know I'm texting a family member and I make sure to do it quickly and put the phone away. I have had dates send a few texts here and there before and while it does seem rude to me, it's never been to a point where it's an issue. I could definitely see a situation where they are texting the entire time and you don't know if it's another guy or whatever. That would be rude, yes, and I wouldn't like that. Edited September 20, 2015 by IronZ
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 You might think she's classy but she's definately not clever, pass. Dumb bunnies aren't fun for the long haul. That's the thing, she was smart and perceptive so why would she do it? Could it be she got an thrill out of it? But who would go to that trouble?
menyou Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 That's the thing, she was smart and perceptive so why would she do it? Could it be she got an thrill out of it? But who would go to that trouble? The wrong women that you are dating. If by chance I need to text, I wait until my date goes to the loo or I excuse myself. My phone is always on vibrate and always in my handbag. Dates should be cellphone free.
Lovelorn00 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I have to agree with what most others have said here. I've never done that to someone one a date, and I've never had someone do that to me. It's super rude, and I'm surprised that you've had more than one woman do this. To me, that's an indication that you're picking the wrong gals to go out with. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 4 years??!! Wonder if he texted you while on other dates during that time haha Lol! Um...Yeah, he was dating in and off for a bit, he then met someone and moved into her place a month after meeting her.. After he moved in with her it took a further two years before I got him to stop contacting me... I only went on 5 flippin' dates with the guy!!
GemmaUK Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 menyou beat me to it: Four years?! Holy... Did you figure out a way to get rid of him or did he finally just give up? Your comment just made me wonder if online daters are disproportionately narcissistic...hmmm. Of course it's possible that I'm just good at attracting them. I told him I had contacted the police and reported him for harassment. I hadn't, I just told him I had. I had upgraded my phone but there was still no option on it to block a number or I would have done so. I now have an app for blocking numbers. The threat of the police and telling him I had all the texts, missed call history, all the FB mails and IMs copied before I had blocked him on there was enough for him to finally stop. : Perhaps he was a narc, happily I'll never know for sure but he did do one thing that was really weird. He didn't use FB like anyone else I know. He didn't look at newsfeed. He said that if anyone had news that they wanted him to know they should post it on his wall. He would just have his own page open and wait for people to post on his wall. He'd sit and refresh his wall over and over and would get disappointed with it when no one was posting so he would then post something on his wall and wait for replies. Any of his friends who didn't reply he would mail them to chase them up and demand that they post a response.
madjac74 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 M And a side question: Does EVERYONE text during dates now? Phones are modern day fidgeting. Whenever there are awkward moments in dating and/or life...people reach for their phones as if it was a safety blanket. If you watch people, they will grab their phone habitually to see if they got a text or call or facebook like. Especially on a bad date
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 I told him I had contacted the police and reported him for harassment. I hadn't, I just told him I had. I had upgraded my phone but there was still no option on it to block a number or I would have done so. I now have an app for blocking numbers. The threat of the police and telling him I had all the texts, missed call history, all the FB mails and IMs copied before I had blocked him on there was enough for him to finally stop. : Kind of scary you had to threaten him with the police. I hope he was more annoying than threatening. Perhaps he was a narc, happily I'll never know for sure but he did do one thing that was really weird. He didn't use FB like anyone else I know. He didn't look at newsfeed. He said that if anyone had news that they wanted him to know they should post it on his wall. He would just have his own page open and wait for people to post on his wall. He'd sit and refresh his wall over and over and would get disappointed with it when no one was posting so he would then post something on his wall and wait for replies. Any of his friends who didn't reply he would mail them to chase them up and demand that they post a response. Wow, that's a new one to me too. I wonder why he didn't just use that time and energy to post things on his wall...maybe his posts were just very boring. I also wonder how people that do things like have can have friends.
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 ...Especially on a bad date Well, uh, that's good to know
Toodaloo Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 One woman showed me that she had received over 600 messages from hundreds of men. It does seem classless, which is why I was confused because she was classy in every other way that I could see. Clearly not classy in the ways that mattered. Your mother would hate her. Next her. You meet weird people on OLD... Its fine just move on. Sounds like you can join Gaeta and I in our bad date posts... Seriously you have more to come yet... There are some good 'un in there though hence why we carry on... 1
Diezel Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 If anyone ever does that to you, have enough self-respect to stand up and end the night. 1
sunshine2 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 A guy I was dating would open his OLD app and show me the kind of women who were contacting him. It really bothered me because I liked him, but he was obviously letting me know he was still looking. A BIG RED FLAG. Texting during dates is rude when you are newly dating and trying to get to know each other. I do let my dates know that I may have to answer a text from my kids and thats the only reason I would check my phone.
popcornpuff Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Your comment just made me wonder if online daters are disproportionately narcissistic...hmmm. Of course it's possible that I'm just good at attracting them. I think that a lot of these types of people hang out online because it's easy to appear "normal" behind an online dating profile. If you ran into them in real life, they would immediately appear "off" and you would know better than to ask them out. Just my $.02
nyah Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I have never had that done to me or done it to others. That is just plain rude and disrespectful. It screams attention seeker to me showing you pictures and messages from past dates. I would be completely turned off if that happened to me. In regards to the phone, unless the dater has kids that are being cared for or a family/friend emergency, I don't see a problem with that as long as they are upfront at the beginning of the date about the certain situation. Every date I went on, I let the other person know that if I get a call from my son's father, I will need to take it as my son has had quite a few health issues in the past and they respect that from me. But if someone is just randomly texting and facebooking, I would definitely say something about it to them and end the date then and there. It's classless and rude. 1
SSM3 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Maybe men do it too, I don't know, but if they do, that would also be interesting to hear about... So, when you're on a date with a woman you've met online, why do they show you profiles and messages from other men? It seems irrelevant to me. Or am I completely clueless and this is just something that people do? And a side question: Does EVERYONE text during dates now? Rubbish...I've met someone online and she has never done this. She has told me about some of her nightmares, but never showed me any messages she had previously received
normal person Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) When I go out with a girl I usually find one of the funniest/most interesting things to talk about is "the rest" of the online dating scene. It's also a great way to break the ice. This usually includes anec dotes about disaster dates, and yes, taking turns showing the laughably horrible profiles/ messages you get from other people. If you reciprocate it's actually a fun, good way to get to know someone a little bit. You learn about their reactions, what excites them, what turns them off, etc. They learn the same about you and you both get a good laugh. It's a bonding experience. It's a subliminal way of affirming to the person that they're up to your standards and worthy of your time but the other people on your phone couldn't figure it out. If you're meeting someone for the first time you can just go ahead and assume that you're not the only person they're talking to online, as the same is probably true about you. I don't see a point in pretending that isn't the case or being overly sensitive about it when you've known the person for all of 15 minutes. Edited September 21, 2015 by normal person 1
Author Smitten and Bitten Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 When I go out with a girl I usually find one of the funniest/most interesting things to talk about is "the rest" of the online dating scene. It's also a great way to break the ice. This usually includes anec dotes about disaster dates, and yes, taking turns showing the laughably horrible profiles/ messages you get from other people. I don't really get a lot of pleasure out of mocking the social ineptness of others, but to each his own. If you reciprocate it's actually a fun, good way to get to know someone a little bit. You learn about their reactions, what excites them, what turns them off, etc. They learn the same about you and you both get a good laugh. It's a bonding experience. It's a subliminal way of affirming to the person that they're up to your standards and worthy of your time but the other people on your phone couldn't figure it out. I thought meeting someone in person was the way of showing they were up to your standards. If you find ridiculing people for their "inferiority" a satisfying and fun thing to bond over, great. I don't. If you're meeting someone for the first time you can just go ahead and assume that you're not the only person they're talking to online, as the same is probably true about you. I don't see a point in pretending that isn't the case or being overly sensitive about it when you've known the person for all of 15 minutes. I have no idea why you wrote any of that. 1
normal person Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) I don't really get a lot of pleasure out of mocking the social ineptness of others, but to each his own. If someone sends a laughably rude, forward, or crass message that lacks any discernment and disregards common sense, then yeah, most people can get a good laugh out of it. If that's not you, to each their own. Ineptitude is one thing, but if someone is actively lying, wasting your time, or being a jackass, they're fair game in my book. I thought meeting someone in person was the way of showing they were up to your standards. If you find ridiculing people for their "inferiority" a satisfying and fun thing to bond over, great. I don't. You don't really know the person until you meet them. You're reading into this a bit much. It's nothing to do with inferiority, but you can definitely bond by way of having enough common sense to not come off entirely unappealing (in ways that can be avoided) before meeting someone. Ex: the last girl I met said something along the lines of "My standards are pretty simple: Be nice, be normal, and have a job. It's surprising how many guys don't qualify." I have no idea why you wrote any of that. Because it's the truth. Edited September 22, 2015 by normal person
joseb Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 I don't really get a lot of pleasure out of mocking the social ineptness of others, but to each his own. I thought meeting someone in person was the way of showing they were up to your standards. If you find ridiculing people for their "inferiority" a satisfying and fun thing to bond over, great. I don't. It's not about ridiculing anyone, it's about not taking the whole dating thing so seriously. Which is what a lot of people are doing from the sounds of it. It should be fun. Now, texting privately while on a date? No, that's just rude.
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