NursieGirl Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Hi, I have only slept with DH. He is really, really conservative in the bedroom and very inhibited. He doesn't do any of the things that I want. Will a sex therapist be able to help with this!? He also is very bad at doing most things. He's very inexperienced, even though we have been sleeping together for like 7 years!!! But he only slept with one other girl, and that was only 3 times ever. I'm sure he'd be open to trying and everything, especially if it would help resurrect the marriage, but he just doesn't seem to know what to do, really, and seems to be grossed out by a LOT of stuff that I would think most guys would be turned ON by. Even fingering and vaginas seem to turn him off?!?! It makes me feel really crappy about myself and self-conscious. Would a sex therapist be able to help!? I'm only 26 and I don't really want a bad sex life forever, or else I'm afraid that I WILL be tempted (actually, already HAVE been) to have a full-on affair with someone....Please help!? Will a sex therapist be able to help!?!?
Marshbear Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Can't hurt. If he won't listen to you and try to be a better lover then it might be your best option. Good Luck...
Naive Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by NursieGirl I'm sure he'd be open to trying and everything, especially if it would help resurrect the marriage, but he just doesn't seem to know what to do, really, and seems to be grossed out by a LOT of stuff that I would think most guys would be turned ON by........ So how can he be willing to try new things if he is grossed out by lots of things? Even fingering and vaginas seem to turn him off?!?! It makes me feel really crappy about myself and self-conscious. Would a sex therapist be able to help!? I'm only 26 and I don't really want a bad sex life forever, or else I'm afraid that I WILL be tempted (actually, already HAVE been) to have a full-on affair with someone....Please help!? Will a sex therapist be able to help!?!? What makes you think he is turned off by vaginas? Could it be that he's from the other team? I don't want to sound mean but from your comment that's what it makes me think It will not hurt to go to a sex therapist, anything is worth a try!
Author NursieGirl Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 I think he is desperate enough to try new things because he wants our marriage to work....? He said that he thought that giving oral sex was disgusting.... and he thought that fingering was also disgusting, and vaginas were, too... that is why I thought he was turned off by them.... but he DOES like GETTING Bjs... He's definitely not gay, but just really uptight, I guess? But I've never slept with anyone else, and so it makes me feel like my body is nasty. :(
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Poor girl, you! Honestly I wouldn't even be with a guy who is grossed to touch my vagina. I had a BF for years who was like that. He was practically my first serious sexual partner and I thought he was good although he wasn't. He didn't finger or lick me, although he demanded a BJ regularly. He was quick. He always wanted sex when I was totally not in the mood. He didn't care about any fore-play whatsoever and he never kissed me unless he wanted sex. I caught myself desiring other men (TV faces) while rejecting him. He would wake me up in the middle of the night to have sex and I would literally fight with him so he can let me sleep. He was selfish, dumb, uneducated, materialistic, and low class sexist overall. I can't believe I spent 6 years with him, but it was from age 16 to 22 so I was young. I finally dumped him. My ex-husband was okay. My Bf after him was not so good; after like 5 min his penis would fall down. He also kissed with 1/2 mouth (ya know what I mean?) and he seemed grossed to do the oral job unless he made sure I showered previously. My fiance is wonderful in bed, the best I ever had. Long fore-plays, loves everything, lasts totally hard for a long time, is passionate, sexy, and loves to cuddle and kiss. He is very experienced, has had lots of women, and is 48 years old. Do you have kids? See, girls, why premarital sex makes sense??????????????
Author NursieGirl Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 DH is a really nice guy, but a stuffed shirt. I have had sexual fantasies about this "bad boy" at my school (I'm 26). He is HOT, and seems like he would be very uninhibited sexually. Dh won't even talk dirty to me when I ask him to. French kissing him is AWWWWWWWWWWFUUUULL. I mean, he thinks that just sticking your tongue in the other person's mouth and lying in there flat is a french kiss!!!??? And yes, he always wants a BJ, but doesn't want to do anything to me. My boobs are huge, but I'm not... which you'd think was a good thing... a lot of guys do seem to find me attractive, except my H? My H said that my bbs were "freakish!" He barely touches them during sex. I really think that he is grossed out by them. Sex sucks with him! He also wants bjs during Seinfeld and when he is playing chess online!?It is SO not romantic.. I'm really self-conscious now and really and truly feel like probably no other guy would want me and my body is probably nasty... Even though a lot of guys hit on me, but I feel like really unattractive sexually. He is REALLY, especially bad at oral sex. He goes WAY too fast. Then when I tell him to go slower, he goes WAY too slow...
Naive Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 So what are you waiting for? Take him to the therapist!
lostinmyself Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Are you sure he's not gay? Ok, if you're sure.......THERAPY! Immediately. Sex can be sooooo enjoyable.
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 I'm starting to actually wonder if sex is actually even GOOD.... :( :( It really seems to suck, and I can't wait to get it over with, really.
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 right now he's not even in the country... he's on a business trip. I have to see if he would even commit to something like this... I think he would, but it would probably be a big blow to his ego, and he's already taken several of those recently. Someone please tell me that sex is actually GOOD and can continue to be good..
Naive Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NursieGirl right now he's not even in the country... he's on a business trip. I have to see if he would even commit to something like this... I think he would, but it would probably be a big blow to his ego, and he's already taken several of those recently. Someone please tell me that sex is actually GOOD and can continue to be good.. Sex is good and it can continue to be good! You said he is up to anything so he should be up to going to a sex therapist, plus it does not involve a vagina at least not until he is ready
lostinmyself Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NursieGirl Someone please tell me that sex is actually GOOD and can continue to be good.. Ditto Naive ..... Sex is good and can continue to be good. Especially when you have a partner that you love and who loves you. Maybe he just needs a little help in the 'satisfying his woman' department. Once he figures that out.....you'll be amazed at how good sex can be. Good luck with the therapist!
RecordProducer Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Nursie? Ditch him! You'll discover the immaculate and ultimate pleasure of life and love! What? I was serious! There is nothing sweeter than love in this world and sex is one of the best part of it.
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 I am scared of no sex with anyone else EVER! YIKES!!!!!!! I met DH when I was 18, and married him when I was 20! Yikes! What was I thinking?!?!?!! WAY TOO YOUNG!!?!?! :( No sex with anyone else EVER. I've never even seen another penis, and only touched one other penis, and that was through clothing!
RecordProducer Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Well divorce him and get over with it once for good! You'll be better of without him. I am divorced too. I held on to my ex for no reason. I also have two children. The marriage was a total fiasco. I was so unhappy, but loved my ex. Last year I met the love of my life and am so happy!
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 I do love him and he's a good guy... but we have so many problems.... sex is just one of them... plus I like someone else... plus he's REALLY cheap, plus I hate his parents, plus he is a hard-core Christian and I don't want to be at all.... etc, etc.... but divorce is so SCARY... why did you get a divorce?
Naive Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NursieGirl I do love him and he's a good guy... but we have so many problems.... sex is just one of them... plus I like someone else... plus he's REALLY cheap, plus I hate his parents, plus he is a hard-core Christian and I don't want to be at all.... etc, etc.... but divorce is so SCARY... why did you get a divorce? Do you even love your husband?
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Yes, I do truly love my husband... but I'm not in love with him...he does have a lot of good qualities... he's not a bad guy. He's not abusive, he's not mean to me, he's nice, he's dependable, stable, intelligent, sweet and kind...but ???? There are also a lot of problems... that is why I am not sure about divorce.
Naive Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NursieGirl Yes, I do truly love my husband... but I'm not in love with him...he does have a lot of good qualities... he's not a bad guy. He's not abusive, he's not mean to me, he's nice, he's dependable, stable, intelligent, sweet and kind...but ???? There are also a lot of problems... that is why I am not sure about divorce. Then maybe you should go to marriage counseling instead of a sex therapist.
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