Potential letter to send to ex girlfriend

[shenmue99]

Hi,

 

2 weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend due to her thinking that there maybe someone out there who is more compatible with her than me. Prior to this everything was fine and we spent the last 3 years completely happy and in love.

 

Anyway, despite probably not being the best idea, I decided to write her a letter (a copy of which can be seen below). Any feedback on what I have written would be greatly appreciated as well as advising me on whether or not this letter is a good idea.

 

For confidentiality reasons I have changed the names and location.

 

Rachel,

 

I wanted to explain how I feel and thought it would be best to write my feelings down so you have time to read and understand why I am so hurt by your sudden change of heart.

 

Firstly, I want you to understand why I feel the love we shared was unique and why I honestly believed that we were soulmates and that fate brought us together.

 

Like I’ve said before, us both growing up in Chigwell, coming from the same school and sharing similar childhood experiences has made us very similar people. Like you during my childhood I never quite felt like I fitted into the area or my school. I always thought that I was different and that something was missing. This was probably the reason why I was unfortunately bullied. But even that experience I have turned into a positive (like you) to make us the wonderful people we are today. As John Lennon once said, "you understand the little child inside the man", that line seems fitting to me as I believe we understand where we have both come from, where we are now and what we both want from the future.

 

We share a deep connection that isn’t easily found and you shouldn’t underestimate it. You say that we are like friends but that is the basis to what makes a great relationship. I understand in your previous relationship you didn’t have that connection and maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem like the feelings are the same. I’m not saying you are doing this but some people base their first love on what their expectations of what a relationship is.

 

Even though it may not seem like much I love that we both wrote about American Beauty during our studies and could see the deep meaningful context which is so often missed by people who take it for face value. It just goes to show that we are on the same page.

 

I remember you mentioning that one of your favourite books tells the story of how in the future sex will become emotionless as people will no longer require a deep connection and sleep with who and when they please (as we both know that age is now). I love that we don’t conform to this aspect of modern society and can count on a few fingers how many people we have slept with between us. Trust me that is special.

 

Rachel, this was your first experience of a mature relationship and I want you to understand that these progress and grow over time. The honeymoon period has its name for a reason. Some people even live their life going from person to person because of the instant thrill this period can provide. In a proper relationship things move on and the excitements changes to be about the plans we as a couple have for the future.

 

This doesn’t mean I wanted to make these plans immediately as I understand we are both young and we want to enjoy our life before moving things forward.

 

But deep down I know we both share the same goals in life.

 

When you ask other people about their relationship it has no bearing on where we are. You can’t honestly believe that other people have perfect relationships, never argue and each time they meet it’s the best moment of their life.

 

Some of the people you have been speaking to about this potentially life changing event have only known you for a short while and are not truly invested in you as a person. They do not know me or you properly enough to have a balanced and fair opinion.

 

Remember Rachel that you will soon be a 25 year old woman. I know this idea scares you and like you've told me you enjoy having new friends who are 18 because they make you feel young again. You don't need to be afraid of your age, you should embrace it and look forward to the years ahead in the hope that each one can be as perfect as the 3 we have just shared. When I'm old and looking back on my life I won't be thinking of my lonely days spent in bars with people who at the time seemed like good mates but in reality were just relevant to me at that moment in time in my life. Instead I will be thinking of the endlessly perfect moments we shared in love completely happy - for those are the days of my life.

 

The reality of growing up and relationships isn’t what you see on TV. The grass may seem greener sometimes when it seems the world is out partying and having fun. The reality is many single people would swap that life for the life we shared.... settled and happy. You may feel you have missed out on that party lifestyle but ask many people that have now settled down and they will tell you a happy life isnt boozing, throwing away money and being out to the early hours.

 

For instance Hayley would do anything for what me and you share. She parties and enjoys her life with lavish holidays but deep down wants to meet someone special.

 

This has been the best 3 years of our life and it isn’t because we have always kept ourselves occupied with adventure. In the past we have had wonderful weekends at a budget hotel, a meal at Toby Carvery followed by a visit to some pounds shops (which I know you love!).

 

All the wonderful memories of the amazing places we have visited wouldn’t have meant anything if we didn’t create them together.

 

I will always remember you falling asleep in my arms in Rome and feeling completely happy. Spending hours admiring the splendour of the Blue Lagoon and walking hand in hand across the canals in Venice feeling utterly in love.

 

I truly love you from the bottom of my heart and have since before we even met. Do you still remember those weeks before we met where we would stay up all night on facebook building the foundation to something which is so special.

 

Rachel, what I am trying to say is that I love you with every beat of my heart and amongst all this madness I know is the girl who feels the same way about me.

 

Rachel, I know that I haven’t always been perfect and there have been times when I have let you down. I can only apologise for these things and say that if we got back together then this time apart will be the best thing that ever happened to our relationship.

 

Take a look a Sophie and Darren, they have had their fair share of problems but because they make each other happy and are right for each other they have worked through them. That is part and parcel of being in a mature adult relationship (even though their circumstances are slightly more extreme!!)

 

Rachel, this being my first relationship I didn’t realise how important independence was, I know now that if we get back together the dynamics of our relationship would need to change. We both need to be more independent and do our own thing more. Look at John and Abby for instance, John still goes on holidays and has weekends away with only his mates. I'm not saying we need to go on separate holidays but the way the relationship was would need to change slightly.

 

Furthermore, I love how close we are to each other’s families. That isn’t always how things turn out and it only adds to what I see as future where we will always be happy.

 

Rachel, I will not be the only person losing everything if we aren't together. You will also be losing someone that was perfect for you for all the reasons I have said above and more. It's now up to you if you want to throw away the best 3 years of both our lives in the hope of something better coming along. I can't wait forever for you to realise that we had was pretty damn special and worth fighting for.

 

With love from me to you

 

John xxxx

Edited September 20, 2015 by shenmue99

[hunk]

Alrighty brother strap yourself in for some tough love, grab the lube and take a deep breath because i'm going to give it to you raw.

 

This letter is absolutely pathetic. It is terrible. Absolutely horrific. Under no circumstance should you ever send this or any letter for that fact. Print this letter out and burn it and then delete it off your computer. If it was hand written, burn it now. This is the worst letter you could have ever written. I understand this was your first relationship, but you need to be faced with reality so you can adjust the way you think for the future.

 

You look absolutely pathetic and almost insane, you come off as if you are literally telling her she can't even think for herself and that she is WRONG to be breaking up with you. You are treating her like she's an idiot who doesn't know what she's doing. This isn't how people work. She does not want to be in a relationship with you and there is not one single aspect of a romantic relationship that has anything to do with "bargaining" or "coaxing" or "listing the reasons why" the other person should be with you. Did you ever do this garbage when you first met? No, it was natural and things just happened. What makes you think this girl is going to think "oh wow he's right, i'm completely unattracted to him, no longer want to be with him, and just see him as a friend now (which is why i'm breaking up with him) but what he said about us being compatible is true.. so we have to be together! Wow i have to call him!!!!"

 

You talk about how she said "you are like friends". This is what has killed your relationship, nothing else, and i'll explain why.

 

To her you are no longer an object of sexual desire, you are not a boyfriend, you are basically a male friend now. This is irrecoverable. You still are in love with her and madly attracted to her - she has long detached from these feelings and most likely started doing so a long time ago. You are a FRIEND to her now and the sexual relationship is dead, which means your relationship altogether is dead. She wants other men and is excited by this prospect. She is going to go out and meet other men in the coming weeks. She is not going to sit at home grieving like you will be.

 

You are both at completely opposite extremes at the moment. You are in complete shock and denial and the "bargaining" stage, while she has detached and is ready to get on with her life. This is how breakups usually go.

 

You must understand that you have nothing to do with eachother anymore. The dynamic is utterly destroyed. You are simply a non-threatening friend now with whom she wants zero sexual interaction. Her breaking up with you is literally, in no uncertain terms, communicating "I WANT TO SLEEP WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND I'M NO LONGER ATTRACTED TO YOU, I'M BORED WITH YOU AND WANT TO EXPERIENCE OTHER MEN". She KNOWS you are hurting and knows you desperately want her back and she feels bad about this. She most definitely still cares for you deeply and probably loves you as a person, but she is done with you as a boyfriend and she's gone as a girlfriend to you.

 

Do not contact this person ever again. Ever. Do not call or text her. Block her on every form of social media. She is dead. Grieve, mourn, get it all out of your system but do not under any circumstance contact her. Any contact from you is pathetic, repulsive and will drive her further away. No exceptions here, I am talking about literally ANY form of contact. Retain your dignity by vanishing from her life, putting all of your energy and passion into your own life and hobbies and moving on.

 

Please do not send this letter. You might aswell castrate yourself and mail your testicles to her if you send this or any variation of this.

[hunk]

I also want to add that I know you're writing this out of complete mindless desperation and that is normal and common, and I and many others here have been in this position before. You are not thinking straight and you're most likely extremely lost right now and aren't fully comprehending the situation. This is why it's even more important not to contact her.

 

Please just know that anything you say will make the situation 10x more painful for you.

[ManyDissapoint]

What Hunk said.