mike_89 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 So, we have been broken up for a bit over 3 months now and this weekend we saw each other again at a party for the first time since half July. She passed me in the hallway when she was going to the bathroom with some of her friends (one of which I know because we used to do the same classes together). Our breakup wasn't sour, I took the initiative to break up with her and when I spoke her in July she said she was thankful that I had taken the initiative, that she felt free again and that our relationship could never have worked. I agree with her on that part. She went to join my rowing club and told me she wanted to join this special cultural club I was a member of so I guessed she would not mind meeting me or speaking to me again. When I saw her I went to give her a hug and say hi, to ask her how she is. I wanted nothing more than a friendly exchange, I was sincerely interested in how she was doing. Her reaction was really bitter, she gave me the cold shoulder and said "I'm going up there", turned and climbed the stairs. This really baffled me and the friend of hers that I know even apologised for her behaviour. I didn't get this and my first thought was, how have I spent 2 years with such a cold hearted person? My friends were there too and they told me to just ignore it, that this behaviour reflects more unto her than unto me. The morning after I did message her on Facebook though, that if contact between us would stay this cold it would be better for her not to join this cultural club, because she would meet me there every 2 weeks for sure. Her reply was that "we both discussed not having contact because we both feel bad when we do, so having conversations at a party when I just want to dance is something I really don't want" and that she won't join the club because she doesn't have time for it with her new job. I replied that "I don't care that much any more if I meet you, or I wouldn't have come to this party (she knew that I knew she was going). I was just sincerely interested in how you were doing. Good luck with your new job!" Is it normal for an ex to act this way? I keep very friendly contact with my only other ex, and I have a good conversation whenever I see her. I just don't get it. Am I missing something here or is she just acting this way because she is still very hurt from our breakup?
lchf Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Who cares.. She's your ex gf. Why are you even talking to her anyway?
mightycpa Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Is it normal? Sure, exes do that stuff all the time before they calm down. Maybe you pissed her off. I think it is very unnatural that you would have a friendly relationship with an ex... when you and your ex and her boyfriend are out, do you ever chum around with him about both of you being kissing cousins? Do you ever ask if he can still taste you? The truth is that most exes never see each other again for the rest of their lives. Let this chick live her life. Every time you see her and act like you're a happy man tells her that you rejected her. Eventually, she'll get over it, but for right now, she's taking it personally.
Author mike_89 Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Who cares.. She's your ex gf. Why are you even talking to her anyway? Well even though she is my ex I still have warm feelings for her. I wouldn't ever want to be with her again but that doesn't mean I hate her or anything, I consider it nothing less than extremely rude not to talk to her. Maybe it's just a cultural thing though, I grew up in a very small village where everybody knew each other. Might have given me slightly different norms than growing up in a city. Is it normal? Sure, exes do that stuff all the time before they calm down. Maybe you pissed her off. I think it is very unnatural that you would have a friendly relationship with an ex... when you and your ex and her boyfriend are out, do you ever chum around with him about both of you being kissing cousins? Do you ever ask if he can still taste you? The truth is that most exes never see each other again for the rest of their lives. Let this chick live her life. Every time you see her and act like you're a happy man tells her that you rejected her. Eventually, she'll get over it, but for right now, she's taking it personally. By friendly relationship I mean that whenever I'd meet her I'd just have a conversation on how it's going, I'd still wish her a happy birthday and sometimes talk over Facebook or Whatsapp. I wouldn't actively meet up or hang out. But anyway thanks for the advice. Maybe I should just ignore her if I see her again. It sucks though I'd feel like a jerk if I saw someone I knew well and hadn't even said hi.
organizedchaos Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 She could very well be hurt and mad. What she said at the time of the break up could have been just to save face.
lchf Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) Well even though she is my ex I still have warm feelings for her. I wouldn't ever want to be with her again but that doesn't mean I hate her or anything, I consider it nothing less than extremely rude not to talk to her. Maybe it's just a cultural thing though, I grew up in a very small village where everybody knew each other. Might have given me slightly different norms than growing up in a city. But anyway thanks for the advice. Maybe I should just ignore her if I see her again. It sucks though I'd feel like a jerk if I saw someone I knew well and hadn't even said hi. There's no reason not to be polite especially if you're in a small town, but even if you're not, going out of your way to make conversation with her is not healthy at this point in time. You don't have to ignore her if you see her and come off as asshurt but you need to limit the contact you have with her. Clearly there are some feelings bottled up that are clear from her reactions. In the future when you have both moved on then perhaps you can reconnect platonically...unlikely though. Just give her her space and live your life. Edited September 20, 2015 by lchf
Thegreatfrazzle Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Well you ended the relationship, I don't think you have any right to expect anything good from her. What she said in July may not have been how she felt, and you don't have to look far, especially on this website, to find people who are mad at their ex's for being dumped. I think you should take this ugly behaviour from her as the signal that dumping her was the right choice. But you broke up with this girl, you ended the connection you built together over 2 years, and however pleasant the breakup, it is bound to leave a sour taste in her mouth. To sum up I think she may be hurt over the breakup. But she could also just be a b*tch. Either way it doesn't matter because she is no longer part of your life. 1
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