Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 This expression has popped in my mind after this weekend. I feel I gave this man time to sharpen up and he has failed my test. I am not going to take it as, why is he, what, when etc. I am simply going to say, What a Dirk, and move on. He always comes up with something after a previous weekend together....I trust, I never pry or snoop around, but I feel I am being lied to, so I am going MIA, disappear. I think if a guy is into you he will leave more than breadcrumbs. He told me he was taking a child early 20s to a big city for shopping spree. Great and I was enthusiastic for them. We texted all week up until 5 pm Friday. MIA overnight. The only text I got was, What you doing Sat. at 11 am and I reply nicely, worked out etc. Bet you guys are enjoying the city...no reply. Nothing overnight again (perfect to go MIA on two weekend nights for tonsil hockey). The catch is and he may not remember is he told me of previous OLD dates and one was in this pretty far away big city and he flew there and it did not work out, no sparks, just friends. I received squat, no morning, night...just that one breadcrumb and then not a gentleman or polite enough to respond to a text he initiated. Simply a breadcrumb. I trust and I believe someone to a default, but should you trust your instinct if you think it is a lie? I believe I have turned to ice and can do the MIA for good.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Your main mistake IMO was sticking w/a man you had to "test" in the first place. People in dating usually test to try and justify holding onto someone they know they should let go of.
thunder777 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 going out with a 20 year old or spending recreational time with members of the opposite sex and not including you, is emotional cheating he is breaking the boundaries of your trust, he could say to the young girl "look i better not be coming out with you im seeing a beautiful girl and she wouldnt like the idea of me going out with another woman" but he isnt so he's breaking the boundaries of your trust and that emotional cheating whether or not theyre having sex, you are in full right to move on, break it off before he breaks it off with you block everything
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Yes true. I do learn from mistakes thankfully. I have a hot valve and a cold valve. The hot valve rusted over and I am out. I have lost interest and rather bored of the his game at this point. I plan to shut my mind off and put the energy into someone else that has been showing interest. Thankfully I know them much better in the mind aspect. Thanks.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 going out with a 20 year old or spending recreational time with members of the opposite sex and not including you, is emotional cheating he is breaking the boundaries of your trust, he could say to the young girl "look i better not be coming out with you im seeing a beautiful girl and she wouldnt like the idea of me going out with another woman" but he isnt so he's breaking the boundaries of your trust and that emotional cheating whether or not theyre having sex, you are in full right to move on, break it off before he breaks it off with you block everything You had the post wrong, not a 20 year old girl. He said he was taking his 20 year old daughter for an anticipated shopping spree over the weekend to a large city. (Trying to not post tmi)
thunder777 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 You had the post wrong, not a 20 year old girl. He said he was taking his 20 year old daughter for an anticipated shopping spree over the weekend to a large city. (Trying to not post tmi) haha misread my bad but yea keeping u out of the loop a lot isnt he
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 haha misread my bad but yea keeping u out of the loop a lot isnt he Yep! But not anymore. He is out of my loop.
Maggie4 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I can't figure out what he did wrong. And why do you call these breadcrumbs? From what you described, everything looks like it is going well.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) Why you don't want to give more details? You are anonymous here. So if I understand this well, you and this man are casually dating. He was going out of town with his adult daughter for a shopping weekend. You are unhappy because he was slack on texting while he was gone. You suspect he was not away shopping with his daughter but he was visiting another online woman he mentioned before, right? * Why do you bother yourself with where he is if you are not exclusive? * How long have you been casually dating? * Are you ready to take this beyond casual? Edited September 20, 2015 by Gaeta 1
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Hi Gaeta. My dating style must be different than his. After a few dates and longer than a month of talking and hanging if they are still out playing tonsil hockey with many others and lying (I have figured out he is lying) to me when I did not even question what they were doing for the weekend, than he is just not into me and I can do so much better. What you put up with you promote, so if I stick it out any longer than I am telling him my self worth is so low he can do whatever and I am still here, the doormat. Nope, not going to do it. I lost any interest and most importantly any respect.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Hi Gaeta. My dating style must be different than his. After a few dates and longer than a month of talking and hanging if they are still out playing tonsil hockey with many others and lying (I have figured out he is lying) to me when I did not even question what they were doing for the weekend, than he is just not into me and I can do so much better. What you put up with you promote, so if I stick it out any longer than I am telling him my self worth is so low he can do whatever and I am still here, the doormat. Nope, not going to do it. I lost any interest and most importantly any respect. I agree 1 month is enough to figure out if we want to concentrate on each other or not. It sounds like the slack in the texting is not only the problem. As to lying where he is, well you are not exclusive so if he's out on a date with someone else of course he won't want to turn you off by telling you, right? What makes you think he's lying about his weekend? 1
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 I agree 1 month is enough to figure out if we want to concentrate on each other or not. It sounds like the slack in the texting is not only the problem. As to lying where he is, well you are not exclusive so if he's out on a date with someone else of course he won't want to turn you off by telling you, right? What makes you think he's lying about his weekend? Intuition and the player move of oh BTW going to fly to a city with insert here daughter for a shopping spree weekend. Disappears mid Friday throughout night. Breadcrumb text he did not even reply to...then disappears all again throughout the night....still no text, probably humping it out still in early morning in the big city. He did say we were sexually exclusive, he expects me to respect that. He told me last date, we were speaking of Facebook, and he said to look his up he never uses it and just a business associate on it. I couldn't find it but his daughters popped up. For a girl from a smaller town who is so so excited about visiting the big city, wow no tourist capital pics, she has pics up of the sig. stuff in her life. I am not buying it, he owes me really nothing. Maybe I am being overly cautious, but I do not want to be an idiot either, the fool. He wants to play tonsil hockey, simple, he can do it without me.
Survivor12 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 If he's with his daughter, why do you assume that he's playing "tonsil hockey"? I don't get it. I can, however, understand him not texting. I have an adult son & grandkids. When I go visit for a day or two, I don't even look at my phone because I am too busy valuing every moment I am with them. Think about it...they likely meet up for breakfast, spend the day running around the city shopping, take a brief break to freshen up before dinner, spend some one on one time, perhaps some alone time to relax, then go to bed exhausted to rest up to do it again the next day. If someone I was casually dating couldn't understand, were jealous of me spending time with my son or so needy that they expected daily contact, breaking up would be the best thing for both of us. And, since you have decided to call it quits, the best for you, too.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 If he's with his daughter, why do you assume that he's playing "tonsil hockey"? I don't get it. I can, however, understand him not texting. I have an adult son & grandkids. When I go visit for a day or two, I don't even look at my phone because I am too busy valuing every moment I am with them. Think about it...they likely meet up for breakfast, spend the day running around the city shopping, take a brief break to freshen up before dinner, spend some one on one time, perhaps some alone time to relax, then go to bed exhausted to rest up to do it again the next day. I do not buy it. Maybe I am the fool, but it has become my intuition. I am not needy. I do not contact him when he disappears many nights. I have to watch out for me too.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Gaeta I really trust your opinions....what is your intuition gathered by my giving more info.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Knowing now you are exclusive. I think you are jumping the gun a little here if it's only based on the fact his daughter is not posting pictures of her shopping weekend and his absence of texting. Are you the type of woman that sees cheating everywhere? Do you have access to a detail phone bill online? it will show from where he was calling-texting.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Knowing now you are exclusive. I think you are jumping the gun a little here if it's only based on the fact his daughter is not posting pictures of her shopping weekend and his absence of texting. Are you the type of woman that sees cheating everywhere? Do you have access to a detail phone bill online? it will show from where he was calling-texting. No I am quite trusting. I have never checked online if he is online on dating site. I never question or text during his disappearances. I never over initiate texts or calls. It is not really thinking of it as cheating, but figuring if I am wasting 'my' time. He never inquired about my weekend plans...so I figure he has no care, esp. if I was to get swept up by another. I have a date on Friday which I was supposed to go out with this Wed. but with other obligations I cannot make it. I have ALOT of great men in my family...so I know how a man treats a woman he is interested in...and it is NOT this.
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Gaeta I think the fact that he had told me when we first started talking he flew there for a date and there was no spark. Sometimes players forget their stories...so with the inconsistent...the breadcrumb text asking me what I was doing but absolutely no follow up about anything of this fun trip esp. with my enthusiasm and trust, just gives me red flags.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 So if he has little interest and you don't trust him, how did you come to be exclusive? Why are you exclusive? and you had a date with another man on Friday?
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 So if he has little interest and you don't trust him, how did you come to be exclusive? Why are you exclusive? and you had a date with another man on Friday? I asked him, since I was asked out by a doc I know, I wanted to see how things were and he said when I am sleeping with a girl I expect her to only sleep with me, I expect that respect from you. Though, he said it was okay to date others because he does not have a crystal ball to see if with all our ups and downs if we will both invest the time to make it work, I am unsure. I dumped him after that assuming he was unsure and he was unsure he would invest the time. We got back together, but then this weekend trip and the inconsistency. I actually just sent a positive text and have heard zilch. I have to face the fact, he is just not that into me. Move on. I have a date Friday and HE IS VERY INTERESTED!
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Though, he said it was okay to date others because he does not have a crystal ball to see if with all our ups and downs if we will both invest the time to make it work, I am unsure. This is among the dumbest things I've heard. So he thinks a relationship will develop one way or the other without having to invest time in it. Yes, dump and move on. 1
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 This is among the dumbest things I've heard. So he thinks a relationship will develop one way or the other without having to invest time in it. Yes, dump and move on. I sent a text basically ending it. He is just too high maintenance for me girl! Too many in the sea.
katiegrl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I sent a text basically ending it. He is just too high maintenance for me girl! Too many in the sea. Celeste, with respect, THAT is exactly what you did LAST week too....but somehow you re-connected (you said you texted him by accident and he responded,)... and you got "back together". What's to say this won't happen again? He seems to have you under his thumb...due to "intense chemistry" -- your exact words. (see previous thread(s). So what happens when he contacts you again..... giving you some song and dance about wanting to work it out? That what you have is so special blah blah? Can you block him so you won't be tempted to go back ....again?
Author Celeste.Carol Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Celeste, with respect, THAT is exactly what you did LAST week too....but somehow you re-connected (you said you texted him by accident and he responded,)... and you got "back together". What's to say this won't happen again? He seems to have you under his thumb...due to "intense chemistry" -- your exact words. (see previous thread(s). So what happens when he contacts you again..... giving you some song and dance about wanting to work it out? That what you have is so special blah blah? Can you block him so you won't be tempted to go back ....again? Thanks Katie...I sent some girl power texts...it is over! I laid it out. I got rid of the email...toss away, I decided not to give dates my business and main friend one. My phone at this time WILL NOT LET ME BLOCK...I have had a lot of large purchase, large home, cars, etc., so I keep a cheap phone etc. to balance my stuff... I do not think he will contact after what I wrote...was classy but VERY direct. The player is out of my life. I will enjoy my date Friday and future plans without this crazy making.
Redhead14 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I sent a text basically ending it. He is just too high maintenance for me girl! Too many in the sea. Basically ending it? When a person says 'basically' before anything, it usually means it was less direct and leaving the door open . . . Either you end it or you don't. Blocks are usually placed online from the provider website. The block isn't a function from the phone. If you have Verizon, you go to Cell Phones, Smartphones & the Largest 4G LTE Network - Verizon Wireless and enter the number you wish to block. Or some providers require a phone call to do that. If the phone is a "refillable" phone perhaps that isn't an option. If that feature isn't available for some reason, you will need to be diligent about not responding to contact from him.
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