reamondorea Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Let me get straight to there point Me and my girlfriend have been together 13 years since we where 17! We have had a really good relationship, traveled the world, loved being with each other every day. And it the past two years got engaged , had a baby and bought a house in that order! But the last two years have been the toughest! Are relationship has really suffered since the love of our life are baby boy arrived. We have had many discussions over the past year to try and help out the realtíonship but nothing has really worked. So today she tells me she is not in love with me anymore and we are finished. She said we are just like room mates and good friends and she doesn't want to go on anymore cause we will both regret it in the future when we are both unhappy! I just need some advice, do I accepte what she wants and give her space and leave or try again to see if we can make it work! I love her and I love my son and I really don't want are little family split up. I taught we would be together forever but at the same time I don't want her to be unhappy. I'm just so upset and I don't want it to end.
DirtyBerty Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 It's a difficult one. For me, I was with my ex 7 years and she ended it and tried to start moving on pretty much straight away. I tried to fight for her. I tried a lot of things to try and convince her to try again but it didn't work. I even gave her a letter last week as my final attempt but that didn't work either. Do I regret trying? No. Did people warn me and tell me not to? Yes. Sometimes you just have to do what feels right to you. For me, I just thought we've been together 7 years, a break up can't be done in a day after that long. Sometimes it has to be a bit messy and happen over a few weeks. Although it's been hard this last month, I don't regret trying. I showed fight and determination and wouldn't give up. It didn't work but I'm proud I tried. Weirdly I feel that perhaps the best result came out of it. I tried my best but we both weren't happy for the last 2 years so it's probably for the best that we are lot together. So I'm basically saying listen and try to work out what you want to do. By all means ask people for advice, but only you will know what to do. Sometimes you'll do things you know are wrong, sometimes you'll do thing you know are right. But you have to decide. You will learn from every action you do and eventually you'll do the right things.
devilish innocent Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I would suggest to her that you try professional couple's counseling before giving up on the relationship. But if she's not interested in considering that possibility, then you need to move on. Chances are, if she says you're finished, her mind is made up. You need to focus on protecting your assets while maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship. 1
disbelief Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 i know your pain. i was with my ex for 3.5 yrs and have a 2.5 yr old son and she left and started dating another guy. i was and am still crushed; it was 2 months ago. once they make their minds up there is nothing you can do except give it time. there may even be another guy involved(hopefully not). i suggest heading over to survivinginfidelity.com and read he healing library and implement the 180. just do what you have to do and move on. be the best dad and take care of business. there is no other choice.
Mcnulty Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Bloody hard situation. I would say go with your gut instinct, it's rarely wrong. Did she suffer from post natal depression at all?
Author reamondorea Posted September 22, 2015 Author Posted September 22, 2015 Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate everyone and hearing how other people are hurt just as much as I am, Good to know I'm not alone!! She never suffered post natel depression and no there is definitely not another guy. She just says her love is gone for me and that's that! I think I have accepted that now not like the first 2-3 days I was basically trying everything to change her mind but either way even if she turned around and said actually I think I am making a mistake I'd still take this break apart cause I do know her true feelings and somehow they have disappeared for me. Im still holding on hope tho that maybe in a month or 2 or even 6 her feelings might have changed and we have another beautiful child together and get married and grow old together, but also I'm not a fool and I'll have to accept that might never happen anymore. Either way these days are the hardest days of my life but I'm sure I'm not alone. Thanks again folks
lauri Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 My advice? Don't do couples counciling. No matter what someone says or does, it cannot change the way someone feels for you. Sadly, people in today's society want more than sometimes is attainable and this has led to a lot more situations like yours. I doubt a mediator will help her get interested in you romantically again. I think your only chance of ever winning her back is disappearing and not showing any sign of weakness. You need to start improving yourself for you and think deep down inside why she's back off from you. Being nice and bending over backwards for someone will not make them love you and want to be with you. Being around and scared to walk away won't either. Only be in touch regarding your child but don't even talk to her about anything. Your feelings or hers. With that said, the chance of you two working out again is slim. It's really hard to make someone fall in love with you again once the love is gone...I've gone through this so many times and always had the same conclusion. They don't love me anymore. Be prepared for the worse. I am sorry for you loss. All you can do is be there for your child and do what is best for you now. You cannot be there for HER anymore.
Meli22 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 It sounds like she got fed up of the routine and perhaps with a baby it was difficult to make you and her time? Just an assumption. If you hadn't done anything wrong then I'd imagine it was something to do with that. Had she voiced this to you before? I echo the ones saying to dissapear (to an extent, obviously keep in touch over your baby) from her life. Build your own and become a better person for you. That can make attraction come back in some ways and if not, then it'll help you get over this. I can only imagine how tough this must be for you.
Author reamondorea Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 It sounds like she got fed up of the routine and perhaps with a baby it was difficult to make you and her time? Just an assumption. If you hadn't done anything wrong then I'd imagine it was something to do with that. Had she voiced this to you before? I echo the ones saying to dissapear (to an extent, obviously keep in touch over your baby) from her life. Build your own and become a better person for you. That can make attraction come back in some ways and if not, then it'll help you get over this. I can only imagine how tough this must be for you. Your Bang on! She did get fed up with the same routine. We discussed this many of times! But nothing ever came from it and nothing really changed! The truth of it I didn't do enough and I realise it now, I had a big head on me thinking, "sure she will never not love me so why really bother! I've accepted this break up has to be done. Maybe something good will come from it, hopefully getting back with the family or maybe not! Only time will tell I guess!
Meli22 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 Your Bang on! She did get fed up with the same routine. We discussed this many of times! But nothing ever came from it and nothing really changed! The truth of it I didn't do enough and I realise it now, I had a big head on me thinking, "sure she will never not love me so why really bother! I've accepted this break up has to be done. Maybe something good will come from it, hopefully getting back with the family or maybe not! Only time will tell I guess! People tend to mistake boredom for falling out of love. I think time apart will do you both good. Either she will realise she wants to make it work or she won't. But it gives you both time apart to figure out what went wrong. But as someone else said definitely dissapear from her life (except baby stuff). Only that will allow any chance of reconciling.
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