mortensorchid Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I was on a dating website, weeks ago I was communicating with someone. We were just doing the "hi how are you, what are you up to" kind of chatting. I had put a certain poem on my profile in the About Me section, he was curious to know its origins and what it's all about, I explained. That was 3 weeks ago, I told him in my last message to him that I was out at a movie, more later. That was 3 weeks ago, hadn't heard from him. Then, 3 or 4 days ago he contacted me again saying that we never closed the matter about the poem. We started chatting again, he said he wanted to meet. I said ok this evening (Saturday). I got to the meeting place, he showed up. He seemed like a good guy upon first glance, articulate and intellectual. He's teaching at a university and earning his PhD. Of this I was interested in, as he seemed more serious minded than most I've encountered. Over time, he seemed socially awkward, introverted, and kind of... Odd. Now I admit freely that I am an odd gal to begin with, so that's not so strange to me. Then, I said I was going to call it a night because I was worn out from a big test I took this morning. I asked where he parked. He said he lived nearby and walked there. We get out to the parking lot, he walked about four steps with me, then put out his hand and shook it and said it was nice meeting me. And I went to my car. I doubt he'll contact me again. Just another report. 1
MidwestUSA Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I got to the meeting place, he showed up. He seemed like a good guy upon first glance, articulate and intellectual. He's teaching at a university and earning his PhD. Of this I was interested in, as he seemed more serious minded than most I've encountered. Over time, he seemed socially awkward, introverted, and kind of... Odd. Now I admit freely that I am an odd gal to begin with, so that's not so strange to me. Then, I said I was going to call it a night because I was worn out from a big test I took this morning. I asked where he parked. He said he lived nearby and walked there. We get out to the parking lot, he walked about four steps with me, then put out his hand and shook it and said it was nice meeting me. And I went to my car. "Over time"? How much time? He seemed like a good guy at first glance, then you determined that he's 'odd'? If you called it a night after twenty minutes, no, you won't hear from him again. 1
losangelena Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Well, you win some and you lose some. I've had a date like that, with the handshake at the end. It feels a bit brutal in the moment, but then 40 minutes late you find yourself in the grocery store going, "what's that guy's name again?" 3
losangelena Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 "Over time"? How much time? He seemed like a good guy at first glance, then you determined that he's 'odd'? If you called it a night after twenty minutes, no, you won't hear from him again. I think by that she means that after a while, they weren't clicking and maybe, even though he was articulate and intelligent, he had some peculiar quirks.
MidwestUSA Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I think by that she means that after a while, they weren't clicking and maybe, even though he was articulate and intelligent, he had some peculiar quirks. Yea, I follow you. I'm just curious, since she said she was kinda okay with strange/odd, if that's why she called it a night. Saying 'I doubt I'll hear from him again' is different from 'eew, I hope he doesn't call me again!' I don't think his handshake was all that odd under the circumstances. He got the impression she wasn't interested. But I'm not clear whether she wants him to be or not.
losangelena Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Yea, I follow you. I'm just curious, since she said she was kinda okay with strange/odd, if that's why she called it a night. Saying 'I doubt I'll hear from him again' is different from 'eew, I hope he doesn't call me again!' I don't think his handshake was all that odd under the circumstances. He got the impression she wasn't interested. But I'm not clear whether she wants him to be or not. Oh, I see. Yeah, I guess you're right. I can't really tell if she's disappointed or not. It didn't sound like he made a big enough impression to really make her feel anything (but why report it, right?). If I were her, I would probably be over it due to the cumulative factors of him dropping out initially, setting up a date with her only weeks later, not clicking and then the handshake. I don't know about anyone else, but to me that screams, "not meant to be!" 1
Philosopher Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 We get out to the parking lot, he walked about four steps with me, then put out his hand and shook it and said it was nice meeting me. And I went to my car. I doubt he'll contact me again. Just another report. To me a date ending with a handshake is a pretty bad sign. Almost all my dates have ended with either or hug or a peck on the cheek, even if they do not go anywhere after that and I do not consider myself to be that affectionate.
mike_89 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Maybe the guy is just socially awkward and tense at his first date, and/or does not have a lot of experience dating and doesn't feel it's appropriate to kiss on the cheek/mouth/whatever. Experience has taught me that most very intelligent people are quite odd but usually very much worth investing your time into. It's not strange to think that he is very intelligent considering his job
Maggie4 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 What's wrong with the handshake? I'd expect a handshake from a gentleman. He's better not try anything else at the first meeting, unless he was introduced by a friend. 1
losangelena Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I don't think there's anything intrinsically WRONG with a handshake, it's just that I have never received one from a man who had even an inkling of romantic interest. To me, it's a signal of, "it was nice to meet you and good luck on your search." I've gone out with a few of the "so intelligent they're a little socially awkward" guys (like my ex, for example), and even then, if there was attraction, they had no qualms about at least ending the date with a hug. I think MC would be very surprised if he swung back again.
cessna Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 What's wrong with the handshake? I'd expect a handshake from a gentleman. He's better not try anything else at the first meeting, unless he was introduced by a friend. A handshake is far too formal. You're not closing a business deal you're on a date. I've never shook hands with a girl on meeting them, always an arm on their back and a kiss on the cheek. It's the normal thing to do in that situation.
Author mortensorchid Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 A handshake is fine for meeting for the first time and then nice for a formal good-bye, but not for an internet date. Usually a hug is good. But a handshake is a sign that someone is saying "good luck, see ya." I also once went outside of the restaurant with the internet date and he asked where I was parked, when I pointed to the parking garage he literally walked away from me and said "Bye" and never looked back at me. Needless to say, that guy wasn't going to call me and if he did I wouldn't have said yes. As for this one, I got the impression that even if he liked me he wasn't going to take the bull by the horns and call me. He seemed like an intellectually stimulating guy but he's a church mouse who won't be assertive enough to call me.
Author mortensorchid Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 And @losangelena - I went grocery shopping afterwards as well. Ha ha ha ...
Maggie4 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 A handshake is far too formal. You're not closing a business deal you're on a date. I've never shook hands with a girl on meeting them, always an arm on their back and a kiss on the cheek. It's the normal thing to do in that situation. Well, I don't know about normal :-) There is definitely a regional difference. We shake hands always among friends, at both hello and goodbye, and that has nothing to do with business. There are also differences in behaviour between people from different walks of life. The thing with online dating, is that you meet people with whom you'd probably never cross paths in real life.
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 mortensorchid, this is not the first time I'm a little confused by your post about a date. You talk like you don't like him much, you choose to end the date early, and then you sound a bit disappointed that he shook your hand and left and you don't think you'll hear from him again?? Did you like this guy and want to date him more or didn't you?? I'm asking because I wonder if maybe you are not being honest with yourself about how YOU are feeling and you might be changing the way you view your reactions based on how you perceive HIM to be responding to you?? I don't think I'm explaining that very well but I tried!! 2
MidwestUSA Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 mortensorchid, this is not the first time I'm a little confused by your post about a date. You talk like you don't like him much, you choose to end the date early, and then you sound a bit disappointed that he shook your hand and left and you don't think you'll hear from him again?? Did you like this guy and want to date him more or didn't you?? I'm asking because I wonder if maybe you are not being honest with yourself about how YOU are feeling and you might be changing the way you view your reactions based on how you perceive HIM to be responding to you?? I don't think I'm explaining that very well but I tried!! I think you're trying to express what I was trying to say. Maybe if we put our heads together, we can express it better than a brain fart? I sensed disappointment, yet I gathered SHE was the one who indicated she wasn't interested. If that's the case, the handshake was pretty generous really.
Author mortensorchid Posted September 23, 2015 Author Posted September 23, 2015 It's now been 3 days since our meeting. I will not hear from him again. Fact. I know this from experience. It's just a shame that you start off things with some hope that maybe this will be something and you can tell through the encounter that it's really ... Not going to happen. I liked the guy just fine, but if he's not going to reach out he's not going to reach out. And I could tell that by his behavior during the encounter. I have been in the game long enough to see this. Also, some have criticized my behaviors past. One I had a coffee date with about a year / year and a half ago, it was like talking to a brick wall. Some have said that I should have just told this guy (from this story) that we were not a good match, but this guy from the coffee date I told immediately that I doubted he and I were not going to talking after that day. He said "No we won't." I said "You and I are not right for each other." He said "No, we're not." We shook hands and then we parted ways. Others in this forum came down on me for that. And some have said that I should or should not have said that. So you can't win. It's what it is.
LilaMarie Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) Maybe the guy is just socially awkward and tense at his first date, and/or does not have a lot of experience dating and doesn't feel it's appropriate to kiss on the cheek/mouth/whatever. Experience has taught me that most very intelligent people are quite odd but usually very much worth investing your time into. It's not strange to think that he is very intelligent considering his job Yes, I agree. I always believe in going on three dates with a guy at least. That's if you don't find him repulsive. He could turn out to be the sweetest guy you've ever met....ya never know There are plenty of fish in the sea. Edited September 23, 2015 by LilaMarie
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 It's now been 3 days since our meeting. I will not hear from him again. Fact. I know this from experience. It's just a shame that you start off things with some hope that maybe this will be something and you can tell through the encounter that it's really ... Not going to happen. I liked the guy just fine, but if he's not going to reach out he's not going to reach out. Why do you even care though? You told us all in your OP here that you weren't into him at all and you cut the meeting short.
Celeste.Carol Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Men perfect the handshake, right grip and strength. I would find it a form of communicating, no interest. If I liked him, it would be a let down. Men shake hands with men a lot, colleagues and meeting new people at social affairs. Yeah, not the best sign. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 Once again, clarification. I spent about two hours with him. Over time he showed himself as being an introverted, not very aggressive type. He was alright to talk to, seemed intelligent enough, and part of me was hoping that it would go someplace. And yet I sensed that not only was he socially awkward but he was not very aggressive. And another thing I left out. He mentioned that he had a brother who used to live in the apartment that he lives in now but he died a few months ago. I asked how he died, he said "I don't want to talk about it". He said he also was married once and his wife had died. I asked how she died, same answer. Maybe I should fill in more details. Glad he's not calling.
40 Fonzarelli Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Once again, clarification. I spent about two hours with him. Over time he showed himself as being an introverted, not very aggressive type. He was alright to talk to, seemed intelligent enough, and part of me was hoping that it would go someplace. And yet I sensed that not only was he socially awkward but he was not very aggressive. And another thing I left out. He mentioned that he had a brother who used to live in the apartment that he lives in now but he died a few months ago. I asked how he died, he said "I don't want to talk about it". He said he also was married once and his wife had died. I asked how she died, same answer. Maybe I should fill in more details. Glad he's not calling. Can you go into more detail?
kendahke Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Once again, clarification. I spent about two hours with him. Over time he showed himself as being an introverted, not very aggressive type. He was alright to talk to, seemed intelligent enough, and part of me was hoping that it would go someplace. And yet I sensed that not only was he socially awkward but he was not very aggressive. And another thing I left out. He mentioned that he had a brother who used to live in the apartment that he lives in now but he died a few months ago. I asked how he died, he said "I don't want to talk about it". He said he also was married once and his wife had died. I asked how she died, same answer. Maybe I should fill in more details. Glad he's not calling. Sounds like he has a lot, emotionally, on his plate right now, the social awkwardness notwithstanding. Probably isn't the best dating candidate right now.
Recommended Posts