Guyouthere Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Has anyone experienced this?? The one I just lost, I feel her ego had led to me resenting her, which is exactly what happened. It finally contributed to a huge fight where it came out, including me even saying "F-you" to her. That however was a result of catching her in a lie, which she tried to justify and when she couldn't, simply said she "didn't have the energy to deal with that". Signs including almost never being concerned about me, often not letting me speak, herself wanting to be in control of the situation, often coming off as "superior" and "grown more than others". She rarely, if ever apologized, even if she knew it hurt me. She was under a lot of stress in life, so wondering if these are intrinsic qualities or the result of chronic stress?
kassy Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Who cares.. Just move on and don't date women like this again. You don't need to know why, it's just not ok, so the why doesn't matter
LostOnes05 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Sounds like we were just dating the same girl OP...for me I wanted to know why because there was such a drastic change that occurred between words and actions. I think women (the ones I've dealt with) are pros at saying one thing and doing another. I'm a straight forward person. So if I say something, I mean it and my actions are congruent with my words.
smackie9 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Even women can have narcissistic personality disorder. She can't help what she is, so stop trying to figure it out.
Siquijor Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Too many negative signs early on and it's time to move on. You did the right thing.
thunder777 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 yep red flag, she not a match i found mine ex was so arrogant that she was actually delusional. something she has to live with not you, so yea who cares youre probably just missing the sex
Author Guyouthere Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) Just feeling terrible because I did so much for her, including saving her life. Reality is I know I can't live full time with someone like this. I invested a lot in it all, including money and more importantly, my heart. Right now Im playing with the "what ifs". What if I acted to harshly and didn't give her time to see if she could change… Can people change things like this about them? She is 24, but was held prisoner by her family most of her life. (literally) Clincher for me was that she tried to keep a guy hidden from me….. that just brought back flashbacks from my previous marriage when my wife cheated. Overall she feels she "did no wrong", even with that, trying to justify how she "didn't meet him until we broke up" (which according to her version was a day or so later). I think this all says a lot. I do feel guilty I went off so harshly…. I know I hurt her like that too, when I found this out,,,, but reality is I have to ask why was I put in that situation to begin with? Edited September 20, 2015 by Guyouthere
katiegrl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 She is 24, but was held prisoner by her family most of her life. (literally) Then she needs therapy, not a boyfriend. It is normal to second guess, we all do. But please know you did the right thing. Her dysfunctional childhood may have turned her into a bit of a *monster* -- so to speak. Narcissistic, controlling, etc. I'm sorry but you need to just let her go (emotionally). Good luck. 1
Author Guyouthere Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Location…. the beach….. (your profile). I love that. lol Big fan of the beach and ocean here…. scuba diver and part time treasure hunter here in Florida
katiegrl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Location…. the beach….. (your profile). I love that. lol Big fan of the beach and ocean here…. scuba diver and part time treasure hunter here in Florida I love to sail (used to race,) ....scuba is on my bucket list! Love the ocean and ALL it entails!
Author Guyouthere Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 I love to sail (used to race,) ....scuba is on my bucket list! Love the ocean and ALL it entails! What kind of racing? You would be racing out of the water and likely give up scuba if you knew what I did here in Florida. lol Yes I'm very serious too.
TheBathWater Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Has anyone experienced this?? The one I just lost, I feel her ego had led to me resenting her, which is exactly what happened. It finally contributed to a huge fight where it came out, including me even saying "F-you" to her. That however was a result of catching her in a lie, which she tried to justify and when she couldn't, simply said she "didn't have the energy to deal with that". Signs including almost never being concerned about me, often not letting me speak, herself wanting to be in control of the situation, often coming off as "superior" and "grown more than others". She rarely, if ever apologized, even if she knew it hurt me. She was under a lot of stress in life, so wondering if these are intrinsic qualities or the result of chronic stress? We are a combination of our environment and our genetic makeup. Hence, these are not necessarily "intrinsic" qualities. Conversely, if she is at least in her early-mid twenties, this is her formed personality now and these characteristics are part of her (at least for a while). The way you describe her, she sounds like a narcissist. I have little to no patience for behavior like what you describe. I would think more about why you even tolerated it in the first place, and commit to yourself to not tolerate it again in another woman.
katiegrl Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 What kind of racing? You would be racing out of the water and likely give up scuba if you knew what I did here in Florida. lol Yes I'm very serious too. Catamaran.......
Author Guyouthere Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Cats hate water hehehe Racing is an exciting sport, we have the small formula type boats here that race in the river (once each year).
Author Guyouthere Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 We are a combination of our environment and our genetic makeup. Hence, these are not necessarily "intrinsic" qualities. Conversely, if she is at least in her early-mid twenties, this is her formed personality now and these characteristics are part of her (at least for a while). The way you describe her, she sounds like a narcissist. I have little to no patience for behavior like what you describe. I would think more about why you even tolerated it in the first place, and commit to yourself to not tolerate it again in another woman. I am too caring of a person, and as much as it is a quality, it can also be a weakness, and in this case, was, because it was with someone who evidently could not or would appreciate what I can and did give. I tolerated a lot because I saw things too from her perspective, saw good qualities, also could understand her feelings since I too had experienced same types of things. I have learned, learned what I am worth, and she simply lacked appreciation for that, her fault or not. Many times she attempted to make me feel less than she is… I walked away from conversations and such feeling those things,,, so to be honest, yes it was my intuition telling me something. I ignored it,,,, until now. Her hiding the guy was the last straw,, innocent or not,, she violated my trust, especially since she knew I had been cheated on before. She always prided herself on "not being able to lie or keep secrets".
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