KiwiGuy1985 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) Alright, I would really appreciate it if someone could help me out with this problem I am having. I am unable to get a girlfriend, because I have a form of approach anxiety. This anxiety handicaps me from approaching a woman in a public setting, because I have stage fright. I can easily approach a woman if we are alone, but when there's a bunch of people around, it's pretty much over. This is bad, because I've had women walk right up to me, and drop hints in order for me to ask them out. This happens in public at times, and I am so paralyzed that I just lock up, and the girl either storms off mad, or walks off depressed. As a man, this has destroyed my masculinity, because they are able to do this without anxiety, and I can't. So many opportunities are fading away one by one, and I'm started to get concerned that if I don't get over this fear that I'm going to end up staying alone. So when I am in a grocery store, shopping center, or even at school, how do I walk up and approach the woman that catches my eye? How do I accept her when I catch her eye? What is the secret to conquering this fear? I want to do this so bad, but every time I think about doing it, it just feels like suicide. Like I said, I can approach women one on one no problem. In public, there's just way too much pressure. Thank you very much. Edited September 20, 2015 by KiwiGuy1985
kassy Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Just relax. Taking things a bit out of perspective here I think. One thing you have to accept in life is that to be truly good and successful at anything you have to try and usually fail a lot before you develop the right skills. So getting comfortable with rejection, mistakes and failures as part of a growing process not just in dating but in all aspects of your life will help you. Assuming you are a kiwi guy, do you think any of the all blacks never messed up, dropped a critical ball or missed a key tackle? Do you think it probably upset them a lot when they did it? Did they choose never to play rugby again... Or did they learn from that and try not to make the same mistake again? Taking hours over years to develop their skills. If something gives you anxiety, try and break it down to smaller steps such as saying hi to someone you like but not going any further for now, then slowly try going from hi to having a conversation. Once you have that in your skill set then just add asking her out to it. Let's be real lots of women won't say yes regardless of what you do, but don't take it too personally, she's not the last woman on earth and you seem to have a lot of situations where you like someone. Sorry long post, but it is a pet hate of mine to see people limiting themselves for no good reason. Good luck mate
Maggie4 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 If all else fails, and if you're cute... carry a business card or piece of paper with your name and number on it. When opportunity presents itself, smile big and give her your card.
logan415 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Alright, I would really appreciate it if someone could help me out with this problem I am having. I am unable to get a girlfriend, because I have a form of approach anxiety. This anxiety handicaps me from approaching a woman in a public setting, because I have stage fright. I can easily approach a woman if we are alone, but when there's a bunch of people around, it's pretty much over. This is bad, because I've had women walk right up to me, and drop hints in order for me to ask them out. This happens in public at times, and I am so paralyzed that I just lock up, and the girl either storms off mad, or walks off depressed. As a man, this has destroyed my masculinity, because they are able to do this without anxiety, and I can't. So many opportunities are fading away one by one, and I'm started to get concerned that if I don't get over this fear that I'm going to end up staying alone. So when I am in a grocery store, shopping center, or even at school, how do I walk up and approach the woman that catches my eye? How do I accept her when I catch her eye? What is the secret to conquering this fear? I want to do this so bad, but every time I think about doing it, it just feels like suicide. Like I said, I can approach women one on one no problem. In public, there's just way too much pressure. Thank you very much. Thanks for posting this because I have the same issue. I get nervous to approach women too. For me it completely hampers me. Sometime at work I will get women chat with me during a short elevator ride.
Author KiwiGuy1985 Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Just relax. Taking things a bit out of perspective here I think. One thing you have to accept in life is that to be truly good and successful at anything you have to try and usually fail a lot before you develop the right skills. So getting comfortable with rejection, mistakes and failures as part of a growing process not just in dating but in all aspects of your life will help you. Assuming you are a kiwi guy, do you think any of the all blacks never messed up, dropped a critical ball or missed a key tackle? Do you think it probably upset them a lot when they did it? Did they choose never to play rugby again... Or did they learn from that and try not to make the same mistake again? Taking hours over years to develop their skills. If something gives you anxiety, try and break it down to smaller steps such as saying hi to someone you like but not going any further for now, then slowly try going from hi to having a conversation. Once you have that in your skill set then just add asking her out to it. Let's be real lots of women won't say yes regardless of what you do, but don't take it too personally, she's not the last woman on earth and you seem to have a lot of situations where you like someone. Sorry long post, but it is a pet hate of mine to see people limiting themselves for no good reason. Good luck mate So you're saying the only way is to relax and just practice doing it? It makes sense, but whenever I want to ask a girl out in public, it just feels like I'm detonating a bomb. I don't want to be laughed at, or look like an idiot. Some guy told me to go to the mall, and practice approaching women in public settings. He said it will be embarrassing, but he said to do it as a practice run. If I can somehow get over this anxiety, I will be immune to it. The trick seems that you have to tune out everyone else.
Author KiwiGuy1985 Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 If all else fails, and if you're cute... carry a business card or piece of paper with your name and number on it. When opportunity presents itself, smile big and give her your card. That doesn't work. When a man is interested in a woman, he has to be the one to call her. Giving her his number is showing submissiveness.
Siquijor Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Giving her his number is showing submissiveness. Some people may see it like this but not all. Anyway, this suggestion was made by a woman so there's a clue.
Maggie4 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Giving her his number is showing submissiveness. I think the opposite. When a man gives me his number, it shows he is confident. In fact so confident bordering on arrogance, he thinks he is so hot that I'd call him. And if he is hot, I'd call.
Redhead14 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Alright, I would really appreciate it if someone could help me out with this problem I am having. I am unable to get a girlfriend, because I have a form of approach anxiety. This anxiety handicaps me from approaching a woman in a public setting, because I have stage fright. I can easily approach a woman if we are alone, but when there's a bunch of people around, it's pretty much over. This is bad, because I've had women walk right up to me, and drop hints in order for me to ask them out. This happens in public at times, and I am so paralyzed that I just lock up, and the girl either storms off mad, or walks off depressed. As a man, this has destroyed my masculinity, because they are able to do this without anxiety, and I can't. So many opportunities are fading away one by one, and I'm started to get concerned that if I don't get over this fear that I'm going to end up staying alone. So when I am in a grocery store, shopping center, or even at school, how do I walk up and approach the woman that catches my eye? How do I accept her when I catch her eye? What is the secret to conquering this fear? I want to do this so bad, but every time I think about doing it, it just feels like suicide. Like I said, I can approach women one on one no problem. In public, there's just way too much pressure. Thank you very much. Stop thinking about it as though you are on "stage". You are not an actor are you? Actors have stage fright because they are afraid that they can't portray their character in a believable way for the audience. They won't do a good job of acting. You aren't acting. You should be being yourself. A part you know well, right? And, every place you meet a woman is public. How do you meet someone for the first time without it being public? I don't understand one on on. If they are storming off, what are you saying to open a conversation? I mean are you just walking up to them and saying "hey, ya wanna go out with me? Ask for advice about how to cook something you're buying or what's best brand if at the store. Ice breaker. Segway into a conversation and talk for a bit.
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