Should I give this a chance or move on?

[Funkwithme]

I met this guy a bit less than a month ago and things have been good between us.

 

But something sparked the conversation about what he wants and he said he likes me, i tick all the right boxes but he needs to know that he is 100% okay because his last relationship has scarred him.

His ex basically strung him along and proceeded to tell him that she didnt see a future with him.

We got our wires crossed and didn't speak for a day because I thought he was just doing the same thing to me by wining and dining me, introducing me to his friends and family but then saying he didn't want a relationship right now.

 

However, yesterday, we met up and went for a walk and talk for 4 hours. He tried to play it cool but as soon as he saw me he just held me tight and apologised repeatedly &quite sincerly.

He clarified and said he felt it was too soon for me to ask him such questions because he hasn't known me that long.

He said he makes excuses to see me all the time, calls me all the time and looks forward to our dates because he wants to get to know me and he wants to understand me.

He said his brothers and his friends love me. But he does not want to bring his past hurt into something new. He said he can see something happening between us but he'd rather just let it happen and not speak about it because it makes him pull away because he's a coward inside.

He has a fear of things like this failing because he put his all into his last relationship and got burned.

 

He said I make him put his guard down and that he was on hiatus until he met me and he has a rule about 'one relationships a year'(he broke up with his ex in april as did I) and he wants to stick to it.

That he's careful and slow about who he gets into relationships with. He said when hes around me he thinks about being in a relationship which scares him.

He's always very sweet and funny and opens up to me quite a bit. We have a lot in common.

Part of me doesn't mind taking things slow and seeing where it leads because we havent know each other long, but part of me is scared that I'm wasting my time... Any advice...?

Edited September 20, 2015 by Funkwithme

[La.Primavera]

My advice would be to keep your options open. By that I mean go on dates with other men. That way you don't have to feel like you are wasting your time on something that may not go anywhere. By doing it that way you can keep getting to know this guy while respecting his wishes to not be in a relationship yet.

 

I think that is a fair compromise but you should be upfront and honest with him about it.

 

Good luck!

[Gaeta]

Excuses excuses excuses, he's got them all doesn't he !

 

There are men out there willing and ready to invest themselves in relationships why would you waste your time on a man that tells you right to your face he's not there yet.

 

He will console himself with you and when he's ready to take a risk again it won't be with you.

[Guyouthere]

My girl just played this…

 

And I just caught her in a lie, finding a guy on her contact list she never told me about, when she held her high self worth and told me she would always tell me all.

 

She told me she "wasn't in a relationship", including me, and that was after i did so much for her, and also gave her a ring too, which she didn't wear.

 

So I made it clear I wanted to date others… and she said I should remain with her through her tough time now… yet she didn't want to commit to an us, she expected me to just sit back and "hope she still wanted me at some point".

 

So according to her, that "crossed a line", and now she says we are done and she wants to do her own thing.

 

And of course the guy she tried to hide… he is "part of her plan" I guess.

[Maggie4]

Gosh he sounds way too complicated and delicate! It's like he's had plenty of practice talking the talk. I think you should keep your options open.

[bolase]

OP, he is definitely not that into this or he'd be worried about losing you with what he's told you so far.

 

If a guy doesn't want to call you his girlfriend or partner at this point he is not your boyfriend.

 

One day sooner than later he will tell you that he doesn't have enough to offer you and he'll hurt you big time.

 

If I were you I would give it a few days without being in touch to think it over for yourself. If he doesn't come begging you to be his girlfriend (he won't, most likely) then let him know that you need someone who is on the same page as you, and that he clearly isn't ready for a relationship, so you're letting him go.

[smackie9]

He is just being a sore sot! His GF didn't string him along. The relationship just ran it's course, and she lost her feelings for him, which happens naturally.

 

Anyways he's got baggage he hasn't dealt with yet, and it's not yours to fix. Get out of there before he starts stringing you along.

[Leigh 87]

My boyfriend and I have both had traumatising past relationships but you don't see us shying away from committment after a month. If this guy is emotionally healthy and has the capacity to fall in love like a normal person, then he would not be fearing commitment of he met miss right......

 

I'll tell you a story. My friend met her boyfriend when he was actively avoiding relationships ; he'd recently gone through a break up with his long term ex fiance. He SWORE he wasn't ready for a relationship. He made online profiles stating that he was just looking for fun. He went out and met women every weakened for months and it didn't matter how hot they were; he would only commit to casually seeing someone for sex and conversation.

 

Then he met my friend. It was fireworks. They clicked so well and they couldn't deny the feelings that were present. He fell head over heels for her despite him swearing off relationships. This man was ADAMANT that he didn't want a relationship for at least a year. He had an awful experience with his ex! All it takes, in many cases, is that one special girl to make even the most hardened players weak at the knees.

 

Occasionally a man genuinly has commitment issues or, I've personally met a guy who Alcoa depth in his ability to feel love ( he has psychiatric issues and genuinly cannot fall in love).

 

But more often than not, the man in question simply isn't nuts about you. Not enough to make him commit.

[soyou]

Lets put this simple - why could you be with someone who is not over his past yet? He cant use the bad past to punish you for things which were not caused by you.

 

This guy is not in a healthy state of mind. Leave him alone and protect yourself from "all-foreseeble-drama-and-heartbreak"

 

Goodluck!

[Redhead14]

I met this guy a bit less than a month ago and things have been good between us.

 

But something sparked the conversation about what he wants and he said he likes me, i tick all the right boxes but he needs to know that he is 100% okay because his last relationship has scarred him.

His ex basically strung him along and proceeded to tell him that she didnt see a future with him.

We got our wires crossed and didn't speak for a day because I thought he was just doing the same thing to me by wining and dining me, introducing me to his friends and family but then saying he didn't want a relationship right now.

 

However, yesterday, we met up and went for a walk and talk for 4 hours. He tried to play it cool but as soon as he saw me he just held me tight and apologised repeatedly &quite sincerly.

 

He clarified and said he felt it was too soon for me to ask him such questions because he hasn't known me that long.

He said he makes excuses to see me all the time, calls me all the time and

looks forward to our dates because he wants to get to know me and he wants

to understand me.

 

He said his brothers and his friends love me. But he does not want to bring his past hurt into something new. He said he can see something happening between us but he'd rather just let it happen and not speak about it because it

makes him pull away because he's a coward inside.

 

He has a fear of things like this failing because he put his all into his last relationship and got burned.

 

He said I make him put his guard down and that he was on hiatus until he met me and he has a rule about 'one relationships a year'(he broke up with his ex in april as did I) and he wants to stick to it.

 

That he's careful and slow about who he gets into relationships with. He said when hes around me he thinks about being in a relationship which scares him.

He's always very sweet and funny and opens up to me quite a bit. We have a

lot in common.

 

Part of me doesn't mind taking things slow and seeing where it leads because we havent know each other long, but part of me is scared that I'm wasting my time... Any advice...?

 

Are you saying that after one month with him that you are absolutely sure he's the one and it will last forever?

 

It's too soon to even be thinking so far ahead with anyone. Of course, he's unsure. You should be too. If you like him enough and he is meeting your early dating needs, date him and let it unfold. If you are not exclusive, date others. Manage your emotions and expectations for quite some time in a new dating scenario.

 

Wasting your time? If thats how you view letting things develop slowly, getting to know the person and the process of dating, then you aren't going to get far enough into any dating scenario to find what you are looking for.

[ThisisIt606]

Are you saying that after one month with him that you are absolutely sure he's the one and it will last forever?

 

It's too soon to even be thinking so far ahead with anyone. Of course, he's unsure. You should be too. If you like him enough and he is meeting your early dating needs, date him and let it unfold. If you are not exclusive, date others. Manage your emotions and expectations for quite some time in a new dating scenario.

 

Wasting your time? If thats how you view letting things develop slowly, getting to know the person and the process of dating, then you aren't going to get far enough into any dating scenario to find what you are looking for.

 

I also agree with this.I think maybe you need to confirm some other factors with him to make you feel more at ease. Find out if he wants to be exclusive. How I define this is that, neither person is currently dating anyone else nor are they searching to date others. This also includes sexual exclusivity too (just to cover all bases).

 

For the time being IF he's treating you well, communicating often, and you are having fun with him... enjoy it for what is is now. We often rush to put a label on things because that's what we're *supposed* to do, so other people in our lives (friends, family, coworkers) can more easily understand our relationships, knowing someone is your definite boyfriend.

 

If you two are exclusive and seriously dating then just enjoy that. All relationships at the end of the road either come down to two outcomes: you break up or you get married.

 

IF he is dating others then by all means you should definitely do the same. But if you two are exclusive just ride the wave and see what unfolds naturally.

[Rejected Rosebud]

My boyfriend and I have both had traumatising past relationships but you don't see us shying away from committment after a month.

According to your posts on here you have not been seeing that guy for a whole month yet, I hope it works out nicely for you but a few weeks of dating doesn't mean much except for you are enjoying each other enough to see each other more. It doesn't mean it's a LOVE STORY. Yet. It might be but you have no clue.

I'll tell you a story. My friend met her boyfriend when he was actively avoiding relationships ; he'd recently gone through a break up with his long term ex fiance. He SWORE he wasn't ready for a relationship. He made online profiles stating that he was just looking for fun. He went out and met women every weakened for months and it didn't matter how hot they were; he would only commit to casually seeing someone for sex and conversation.

 

Then he met my friend. It was fireworks.

 

Sheesh Leigh 87 will you please give it a rest?? Good for them!! There is a guy on her who fell deeply in love with a prostitute when he was about 67 years old, does that mean we're supposed to take his story as the one and only example of TRUE LOVE??

 

Also NOBODY has any idea of what it's like inside of other people's relationships. I'm pretty sure your opinion of what's going on with your friend and her boyfriend is alot different than what it's really like to be them. You are so obsessed with a fairy tale that it seems like you can't be real sometimes.

 

Anyway you are not even paying attention to the OP, you are just going off on your thing. YOu can't even try to understand because you won't listen.

[Leigh 87]

According to your posts on here you have not been seeing that guy for a whole month yet, I hope it works out nicely for you but a few weeks of dating doesn't mean much except for you are enjoying each other enough to see each other more. It doesn't mean it's a LOVE STORY. Yet. It might be but you have no clue.

 

 

Sheesh Leigh 87 will you please give it a rest?? Good for them!! There is a guy on her who fell deeply in love with a prostitute when he was about 67 years old, does that mean we're supposed to take his story as the one and only example of TRUE LOVE??

 

Also NOBODY has any idea of what it's like inside of other people's relationships. I'm pretty sure your opinion of what's going on with your friend and her boyfriend is alot different than what it's really like to be them. You are so obsessed with a fairy tale that it seems like you can't be real sometimes.

 

Anyway you are not even paying attention to the OP, you are just going off on your thing. YOu can't even try to understand because you won't listen.

 

 

It isn't a fairy tale to not want to shag other people after you first meet a person you fancy.

 

He didn't want to be exclusive. After a month, a guy who is smitten won't be open to dating others.

 

A month's not too soon to know if one is smitten or not.

[Leigh 87]

It's really sad that people now days believe it's akin to a " fairy tale " when two people meet and are just really into each other and loose the desire for other people?

 

The happiest couples I know lost all desire to date others after the first date with their special someone. They didn't think " okay, better mange my expectations and emotions, theres a cute girl on my class who I'll also tune in addition to Cindy I met from tinder and Sarah from my spin class "

 

This is NOT a fairy tale, to just be really into each other from the start.

 

Frankly, people who say multi dating is key and ideal just haven't been able to find someone who's mutually smitten with them! They can't get a guy who is enamoured with them and who has to date other women at first, do they say it's the norm and make out like it's some fairy tale for a man to be taken and excited about the ONE girl in the early stages of dating.

 

All I can say is, y all enjoy your men that date you and other women until he takes weeks to figure out that you're his favourite sounds like a really passionate relationship in the making!

 

In the meanwhile, let the OP decide if she wants to bother trying to win over men who aren't smitten with her. I've seen it work out really well. Not.