Jadey Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 I know you lot think you should do NC but if you really really want someone back shouldnt you just go for it? Isnt life too short to not try? Shouldnt you take chances? In a month im leaving school and probably wont see him ever again..I love him so much!! I feel like just saying **** my pride and all that good stuff and just breaking down to him. I dunno wot to do. Im thinking about writting a letter.... I know i probably shouldnt really...Help.
RoxStar Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 I guess it depends on who broke up with who. The point of NC is not to get someone back... its to move on... so either move on or make your move to get back with your ex.
outdated Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Well Jadey, if this helps at all I tried to win mine back and it didn't work. Sometimes, no matter how great the relationship is if someone doesn't want to try anymore, there's nothing you can do. You will build up false hope and find yourself worse off than before. My suggestion is to do nothing. I know you want to wrack your brain to find that one special thing that will make him change his mind. Some sort of voodoo. Unfortunately it doesn't exist. I finally followed my own advice and left it alone, and she is starting to come back around, now that she knows there's other women sniffing around too.
TheBarnacle Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 one key to making/sticking to a decision is action. if you get stuck in limbo (e.g. should i get back with him? should i call her? does he still like me? if i drive by her house and and see another dude's car there and key the hood then egg her house is that stalking?), you're not really taking action. action can go either way. try to get back or move on. as mentioned above, NC is for the latter. oh, Jadey, the second key to sticking to a decision is courage. it takes a whole bunch to not contact him/her when every cell is saying "please call her!!!". you'll be fine. trust yourself.
Author Jadey Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 Thanks guys. I just dont know wot to do Im leaving school in a month i dunno if i can just let things slide that easy without tryna get him back. I miss him. Im probably going to write a letter tonight, get my feelings out and keep it, not give it to him and see how i feel before i leave school. I might give it to him on the very last day and then leave it up to him, if he doesnt contact me then i will take the hint. I just feel it is something i need to do maybe Maybe i will post the letter on here tomorrow. Ill hold onto it tho. You never know when i see him tomorrow i might hate him and change my mind Hmm
dgiirl Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Did he leave you? Do you know why he left? Did you fix the "reasons"? Have you already had the conversation that you want to try to work things out? What was his response?
Conroy Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 The thing is if he finshed with you and your trying to push yourself back onto him he will be less attracted to you. People want what they can't have! If I was you I wouldn't contact him until the last day of school then if you feel you need to give him a letter then do so and give him your number so if he does feel he has changed his mind then he give you a call.
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Jadey, you and I are in the exact situation. I want my ex back, but I refuse to beg with him or plead him to come back. He has to do it on his own account. I'm trying to not call him to see if he calls me. I do not, however, want to lose him as a friend. So how do i do this? I don't want him to think i want him back, but everyone says NC is a way to shut someone completely out of ur life. I want to move on, but I don't want to completely shut him out of my life.
Fallen_Angel Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Awww Jadey...I feel your pain too. Pride is very important! Don't throw yours away. Boys come and go, but at the end of the day you still have to like and respect yourself. I know it sucks to not be in control of the situation. I hate it just as much as you do. If there was a magic solution to all of this, most of the sections of LoveShack would cease to exist, so here we are. You should go ahead and write a letter...in fact write as many as you want!!...but don't give them to him. Write sad letters, and angry ones. Put them aside and look back on them someday and you'll see what you've learned. I'm not sure what to tell you regarding NC, because I'm on the fence about it myself. I am trying like hell not to contact him so I can move on, but part of me hopes he'll change his mind and come back. The only way you can cope with this is by dealing with it one day at a time. Good luck.
Author Jadey Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 I finally followed my own advice and left it alone, and she is starting to come back around, now that she knows there's other women sniffing around too Really? Howcome? Wot did you do? Just had NC and then she tried to get you back or wot? The thing is if he finshed with you and your trying to push yourself back onto him he will be less attracted to you. People want what they can't have! If I was you I wouldn't contact him until the last day of school then if you feel you need to give him a letter then do so and give him your number so if he does feel he has changed his mind then he give you a call. I know it seems like people want wot they cant have. But im not planning on like stalking him, i wanna let him know that im ****ing angry with him too, but that i love him and want to work things out again. I wouldnt just say "ok you done me wrong but oh well lets just get back togetehr and forget about it" I want him to know he has hurt me so bad ut that i want to talk things through with him, see wot really happend. So i would be cleevr about it not just push him. Did he leave you? Do you know why he left? Did you fix the "reasons"? Have you already had the conversation that you want to try to work things out? What was his response? Ok..yeah he left me. No i dont know why he left me for sure. I called him the ight after and asked and he said that i scared him when i mentiond wed probably be having sex soon (we werent together as long as most of you on here, and havent had proper sex) So i aid to him that id wait forever if i had to but still no proper response from him. Also my twin brother died almost a year ago and they were quite good friends, i think he found my depression with that hard. But i still havent fully got the reason why he left me, he just said that aout the sex thing. But surely that isnt really why! I told him id wait. More than once. But i will be honest i talked about sex alot near the end of our relationship He also kept telling me that he dont get why i like him so much. He doesnt have much confidence. And worrys SO much about wot people think of him. His dad is abusive and hes told me that he worries he might turn out like him, how he treats his mum. They are the only things i can give you. Gotta be soemthing out of them. On the phone i asked him if we had any chance of getting back and he said "yeah probably" but after that - nothing. I felt stupid saying to him "so are we getting back together" so i just left it. He said he often thinks about times we had together and that he doesnt want to delete my messages, that im the only person that really cares about him, that i amde him happy, and little things like that. So to me it sounds like he didnt really WANT to break up but soemthing wos bothering him and he felt he had to. He still soemtimes looks at me with "that" look in his eyes BUT After the break up he met a girl hes now with but everyones told me (even his friends that dont like me) that he doesnt seem too serious about her. And he looks so bloody unhappy. If she wos the brilliant and he didnt care about me whys he so sad for? Today i decided to be nice and i smiled at him and made afew little nice comments here and there and he looked sad. But did smile back. Me and my best friend both see that he trys to avoid eye contact with me but when he does look he looks relly quite miserable. I think hes trying to push away any feelings for me by not looking at me as much as poss. See if it wos anatural nasty break up id leave it, say **** him, and try to move on . But it just seems so weird, like he didnt WANT to break up. Help?
outdated Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Jadey wrote: Really? Howcome? Wot did you do? Just had NC and then she tried to get you back or wot? My ex and I broke up two months ago and immediately had limited contact. We have had text message conversations and she has sent me letters, and I have done the same. I have only seen her face to face maybe twice since the break and we never talk on the phone unless she initiates it. For a while her messages were short and obviously a statement of "leave me alone." So I did, and after a while her texts became longer and more specific. She finally asked if I was seeing someone, and I said I was talking to a few girls- nothing serious. She wasn't happy about it, but hey, she said she's seeing someone too. I let her know without saying it that I wasn't really interested in anyone but her- but I DIDN'T SAY IT EXACTLY, so there was no trail of evidence. She's becoming more interested in my life, but still says "it's for the best the way it is." So I have to agree with her. So she has not technically tried to get me back yet, but I can tell that she's wondering... Moving on, having fun. That's what brings them back if they are to come back. The person you were that they fell in love with, not the one they fell out of love with.
Sukotto Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I have to say that NC doesn't always work at getting someone back but it does heal wounds. My ex broke up with me almost 8 months ago, I was a wuss for the first month begging and pleading for her to change her mind before I just gave up, about 2 months later we went out for dinner and ended up in bed and again the follow week and then little or no contact for 3 weeks. We had an argument over some a rummor someone started and we didn't speak for 3 months but that definately helped, then we had a conversation once or twice since then and now i've spoken to her Friday, Sunday and today. I think we're going out for dinner on Friday but I've not decided if its best since I'm afraid it might open some old wounds. I have to say that you will meet other guys in your life and your awfully young to be worrying about this one guy, I worried about my ex but on reflection I was only 19 and she was 18 and since we've split I've had more fun than we done in the 2.5 years we were together. It might seem bad now but I can promise you it will be better and your better to keep your dignity than beg someone.
Author Jadey Posted May 17, 2005 Author Posted May 17, 2005 Thing is, im not planning on beggin for him back, not by any means. I want him back but like i said im not going to be stuoid about it, i just want to slowly get close again, atleast as friends! Ive had too many people walk out my life with unsaid things and regrets. I dont want him out of my life. Hes such a sad guy his home life is crap. And i know its not any excuse but that takes its toll on him. You only have to look at him to see that hes not happy. I mean look at how we broke up, it wosnt normal. Theres soemting more to it. There wos no argument, nothing nasty said (well unitll after he dummped me) I want him back and for now i dont car wot anyone says im not doing NC, for now. Im gonna go to school smile at him, say hi and let him know i am still interested, without actually saying it! And i wrote that letter, didnt give it to him. I will see how things stand with us that last week at school as to wether i send it or not. I just hurt so much
Sukotto Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 Letters are a bad idea if someone breaks up with you, you want them to be explaining what was wrong and if your determined then just go ask him what the reason was and just say if we worked on it would you reconsider things? Its a bit bad though when they dont even make an attempt to resolve anything before ending it.
Author Jadey Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Hmm writting the letter wos good for me tho yo get things out my heart and head, you know? I actually very briefley spoke to him today, nothing much atall just afew words but its better than nothing. Got a smile too. And he wont stop looking at me this week, at first he wouldnt even look at me but this week nearly everytime i look hes looking at me. Which is weird, i dont know wot thats all about. Im not going to read too much into it tho. Im just gonna be friendly, try and talk to him as friends and see wot happens. Im soo tempted to text him later aswell *confused!*
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