Have you treasured or loved someone more than your first?

[loverage21]

Has any subsequent loves you have had been more memorable or stronger than your first serious love?

 

How so?

 

This worry still bugs me.

[Gloria25]

Yes, of course I have.

 

Why?

 

Because, IMO, many of us (actually a whole darn lot of people) make decisions to date, have RLs with, love, and/or even marry based on what we "think/thought" is/was "love".

 

Think about it...

 

That's why, IMO, all the "rushing" teens, tweens and even people in their 20's put on having a bf/gf and having sex - as if they are missing out on something - so so ridiculous to me when they are at a time where they are emotional, having hormonal changes, and don't know a darn thing about love, sex, and/or real "intimacy" to make a wise choice in date and/or who to give sex to.

[CarrieT]

Absolutely.

 

The first occurred during one's youth. With maturity, comes expansion of intellect, understanding, and a capacity for various levels of emotion.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Oh yeah! Yes, I loved my last ex much more than my first (who I did love & we shared our virginity with each other), even though it was a stupid relationship for me to get involved in.

[d0nnivain]

Absolutely. I treasure & adore my husband. My 1st love will always hold a special place in my heart but that immature relationship from long ago can't compare to the depth of feelings I have for DH

[Marc878]

Nope, I never have.

 

On our first date she looked up at me under the theater lights and I can still see that face. She had me right then and there.

 

My first and last true love.

 

I still have her over 40 years later. I was lucky/smart enough to know a good thing when I saw it.

 

We are closer now than it ever. Works for me!!!!!

[MissBee]

Has any subsequent loves you have had been more memorable or stronger than your first serious love?

 

How so?

 

This worry still bugs me.

 

Yes.

 

I don't even understand where this idea comes from that your "first" is the pinnacle of everything. Your first is just the first, it isn't always best, greatest, strongest, most memorable or anything.

 

The first time doing anything: having sex, being in love, your first home, first time being pregnant etc are always things you remember for the fact it's the first but it doesn't mean nothing else will ever compare or that it's necessarily the greatest thing. We grow and change and sometimes our first time having sex/being in love is naive or awkward or just completely different than what we would want as we grow. So don't worry about it, MOST people don't stay with their first and lead happy and in love lives with even more feelings and intensity.

[Gloria25]

Yes.

 

I don't even understand where this idea comes from that your "first" is the pinnacle of everything. Your first is just the first, it isn't always best, greatest, strongest, most memorable or anything.

 

The first time doing anything: having sex, being in love, your first home, first time being pregnant etc are always things you remember for the fact it's the first but it doesn't mean nothing else will ever compare or that it's necessarily the greatest thing. We grow and change and sometimes our first time having sex/being in love is naive or awkward or just completely different than what we would want as we grow. So don't worry about it, MOST people don't stay with their first and lead happy and in love lives with even more feelings and intensity.

 

THANK YOU^^!!!

 

And, IMO, MissBee's post also applies to "anything" people wanna subscribe as the "pinnacle" of their existence.

 

I mean, my 6 yr guy? Great sex, we clicked, etc. Is he the "only" person in the world that ever made my day in the bedroom? No.... I mean, it's few men in my life that meant something to me, that I clicked with, and/or were great in bed with me - but they are/were special in their "own way". While one may have been great in one or two aspects, he fell short in others.

 

And, what if someone was the greatest thing that happened to you, then they changed? So, just cuz they were your 1st and/or did great stuff with/for you they get a pass on being a jerk? No, you look back on the good, acknowledge the bad and move on. You don't put them on a pedestal "just because".

 

But, at the end of the day, someone doesn't get to become my "one and only" just cuz they were my "1st" this or that and/or if they were special to me at some point.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Love is different every single time with every relationship. My first, I loved him like crazy, totally intense, I left because I felt I loved him more than I loved him and that for the four years, I was the one chasing mostly and the one ready for bigger commitment with him dragging his feet. But I absolutely loved him and still hold him in high regard.

 

Second major relationship, I loved him but looking back we had a LOT of problems, we argued a lot, blazing screaming rows that ended in him punching through a door and me walking out. We weren't in a good place, my Mother died a month after we got together and we faced unemployment (his), health problems (mine), a backdrop of grief and family drama (mine). Looking back I think we did well to make it to two years before he left me, one night, out of the blue. I loved him but I'm not sure we were really meant to be forever. I feel now, a few years later, despite it being the single most painful experience of my life, that if he hadn't have left me when he did, I'd probably have had to do it a little further down the line.

 

The next... my biggest mistake. Fell for a taken man. That was intense and crazy, only lasted four months. Looking back I do believe it was love, for me anyway. I worshipped the guy, would have done anything to be together. I thought that looking back I'd realise it was just infatuation but yes, I think it was love. A more intense and acute, painful love than I've ever experienced before. But love nonetheless. I still feel guilty.

 

And then, a simple six month relationship. I fell in love with him too. Deeply. It wore off for him and six months in, he ended it, citing stress with work as a reason. It doesn't cause me any pain now, looking back, as it was so short. But I still think it was love, it hurt like hell at the time.

 

Current relationship, I have to say is the best, nicest, most comfortable and enjoyable love I've ever experienced. There's none of the uneven commitment (we're both demonstrably as into each other as can be, whereas my first love was barely ready to live together after four years, my partner wanted to be at mine every night within two months and then live with me after six). There's none of the drama of the second, we argue a bit, but rarely, and with very little intensity. He's so relaxed and not remotely violent. I feel like he brings out the best in me, I like who I am in this relationship. It's simple, honorable, straight forward and doesn't hurt or degrade anyone else unlike my third, we are together and there were no complicating factors. It's more mature and real than the fourth. We're not just hanging out having fun and drinking, we live together, we have mutual goals. Not only do I love him, I feel loved and wanted and cherished. I don't question his feelings for me. I've never felt more secure with anyone. Sometimes I pinch myself, and panic a little at the thought of it ending abruptly and going through the pain I did with the second because I feel like I can't handle that ever again (I know logically, I could). Then I tell myself enjoy the ride.

 

I don't think anyone has limited capacity for love. I'm almost 28, with a four year, two year, four month, five month and now 18 month relationship. I guess I fall easily, I'm picky about who I date, I only commit to someone I truly find appealing and feel I could have a brilliant life with (the affair excepted, think I went temporarily nuts and reckless and turned into somebody I hated right after the most painful breakup) but when I meet someone, I feel it deeply. I don't know, is that weird to have felt love for five different people already in a decade of dating?