babybear Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 My bf has NEVER been the jealous type before. But lately, he has taken issue with me having male friends, male acquaintances, etc. Last night I went to our favorite video store. A bunch of guys happen to work there. I have gotten to be on semi friendly terms with these guys, since I have been going there for a year... and we don't talk about real personal stuff, but they know my name, and they ask me how me and my bf are, etc. They sorta flirt with me, but I'm in and out in 10 minutes. Not a big deal. Last night I was asking one of them what was good, that I wanted something like a love story, and no cheating, cause every movie seems to have an affair. So, he's sorta messin with me, and recommends this movie about sex, swingers, adultery, etc. My bf walks in, sees us, hears the word sex, and gets pissed. Well, I could tell he was pissed. So, I grab something else, we pay and we go outside. I said - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? He says he didn't like what he saw...that the guy was looking at me too much and talking about sex. HUH??? I said babe, you missed half the convo, I said I wanted a love story, so he recommended that other one to be funny...we weren't talking about sex. Anyway, he had his back to me all night! He said he would no longer go there with me and be made a fool of. I said, what can I do to make this better? He said - don't talk to anyone! I said - well, I am not going to be rude... He said, they just work there, what are they talking to you for?!? He says when he is in there, they should not be talking to me - and guys do this stuff on purpose as an ego thing...and that I just don't see it. Is this over jealousy? It's sooo annoying. Babybear
st8toftheheart Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 You said your bf has never been jealous. Do you mean with you or ever? If it is only with you this may be a turning point in your relationship. He may now have feelings for you more than he has for other before, and now fears losing it. So now in order to calm his own insecurity he becomes protective and jealous due to the fear of losing what he has, not knowing that this behviour itself can drive them away. If he's been in other relationships, it probably coule be due to something that happened in one of them to jade his senses. Or again and insecurity that he has which is probabaly associated with something that happened in his life. The best you can do with him is reassure him that, you care for him, and that there is no other. Try and identify why he's jealous and what you can do to help him with it, and what he can do in turn to help himself get over it. This may not work, and I know of what I speak. But you have to try. Now don't be too hard on him. I have been like this in the past and still am, and the only way I have been able to get through it was actually care less about the person, which obviously what you don't want. This is a self protection mechanism so that if they cheated on me or left me for someone else, then I would say Ce la vie. But at least I recognize I have a problem, and that's half the battle. Good luck.
Author babybear Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 Thanks ST8: I am the only person he has ever been this way with, and it's only pretty recent. Our relationship is solid, but it's going through some changes (mainly because I will be moving - and it might be pretty far away.). Although his behavior is annoying, it definitely won't drive me away. I think it probably has to do with me moving, and all the uncertainty that comes with us being on different coasts for the next couple years... I will definitely talk to him more about it, and work on this. Babybear
st8toftheheart Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by babybear Our relationship is solid, but it's going through some changes (mainly because I will be moving - and it might be pretty far away.) Well I'm sure that has alot to do with his feeling of loss and insecurity. Good luck to you.
Mustang45 Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Well I can kind of see what your boyfriend meant by feeling a little mad at I mean walking in somewhere and having the first word you hear be "sex" always makes someone feel a bit uneasy. But considering that you two are close he should have trusted you more and not made such a big deal over nothing. Yes I am sure he was a little jealous. And as for his "ego thing" he has no idea what he is talking about he just said it off the top of his head. I'm a guy and it doesn't improve my ego to flirt with girls. I just do it because its fun.
Jeffrey Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Sounds a bit immature and quite insecure. Could just be a one-time thing, but this whole deal 'They shouldn't be talking to you' sounds to me like he's very insecure. That kind of thing gets old very fast.
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