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The betrayal bothers me more than anything. When will it stop?????

kevin smithy

By kevin smithy
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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kevin smithy Member

kevin smithy

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Hey guys. so straight up ex dumped me and well safe to say she wants nothing to do with me because she shrugged me off last time i broke N.C and i called her. i dont want anything to do with her i dont even care if i ever hear from her again. i just wanna know when the feeling of betrayal will end, im doing really fine moving on i mean i try alot and even though i think about her alot im not even that hurt anymore. I just wanna get over the feeling of betrayal, its the only thing that bothers me now. she betrayed ,y friendship, my love, the 3 years we spend together and honestly just threw it all away without even putting up a fight.. so what do you do?? to get over this feeling of betrayal..

wlh22 Member

wlh22

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Sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how tough it can be after 3 years. Keep your chin up and do the best you can.

 

 

How old are you and what was the reason for breakup? When you say betrayal, do you mean she cheated on you?

 

 

If there was no specific reason like cheating, I think you just have to accept that you guys grew apart and she decided that it wasn't worth continuing to resolve/invest. Keep your busy (I am right now really doing bad at this) and focus on moving on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey guys. so straight up ex dumped me and well safe to say she wants nothing to do with me because she shrugged me off last time i broke N.C and i called her. i dont want anything to do with her i dont even care if i ever hear from her again. i just wanna know when the feeling of betrayal will end, im doing really fine moving on i mean i try alot and even though i think about her alot im not even that hurt anymore. I just wanna get over the feeling of betrayal, its the only thing that bothers me now. she betrayed ,y friendship, my love, the 3 years we spend together and honestly just threw it all away without even putting up a fight.. so what do you do?? to get over this feeling of betrayal..
Jc396 Member

Jc396

Posted
Posted

I'm in the process of getting through the storm but what's helping me is going out and keeping busy with friends. The more you do the less you think of them and it really boost your self confidence which is needed if you really want to move on with your life

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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Posted

Why do you see this as a betrayal? She was with you for three years, gave you probably the three funnest years of her life so far. Then she decided that you weren't a keeper. Quitting is not disloyalty, unless they quit without telling you.

 

Was a specific promise broken? Did she do you wrong by cheating first? I understand that it feels like a betrayal, but you need to examine whether it really is or not. If it is, then the path to feeling better is true and complete forgiveness. If it isn't, then the path to feeling better lies in accepting the reality of your situation.

 

How long will it last? That's up to you.

Draper Established Member

Draper

Posted
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I think when he says betrayal means that feeling of abandonment, like they walked away as if you were nothing. Unless there was cheating or something, in which case I totally see where you're coming from. If not, I still know what you mean, but at the end of the day she has to look out for herself if she wasn't happy. All you can do is accept it, know that she walked out on a good man, and move on.

 

It could be worse, my ex told me she needed a break to work on her depression. Two weeks later, I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone else. That's betrayal. :p

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mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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I think when he says betrayal means that feeling of abandonment, like they walked away as if you were nothing. Unless there was cheating or something, in which case I totally see where you're coming from. If not, I still know what you mean, but at the end of the day she has to look out for herself if she wasn't happy. All you can do is accept it, know that she walked out on a good man, and move on.

 

It could be worse, my ex told me she needed a break to work on her depression. Two weeks later, I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone else. That's betrayal. :p

Yeah, I think that's about right... if feels like betrayal, because of the assumptions you make. But when it is all said and done, if all they do is bail on you, then in reality, it is not a betrayal. It is a profound disappointment.

 

Your situation is interesting, and I'm on the fence about betrayal there. On the one hand, she lied to you, and I'm going to assume it was a misguided attempt to spare your feelings. Either that, or it was self-protection, because she didn't want to debate the merits of her decision with you. On the other hand, maybe the new guy was just what she needed to battle the depression... new personality, new romance, new jollystick... the excitement of new.

 

Is that really a betrayal? I'm not sure, but if that's the way you perceive it, then you have to forgive her in order to let go of the past.

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Draper Established Member

Draper

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Posted

There's a little more to it then I mentioned in that post. I don't mean to hijack the thread, but the day we ended things she went on about how couples get back together all the time, that shes sees a future with me, etc. Still maybe not betrayal, your likely right in that she was trying to spare my feelings. A lie and a deceit nonetheless.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
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Hit the gym, take a class, further your education, get an interest.

 

Get rid of everything about her, block her on everything, FB, cell, etc.

 

You can't think about it if your doing something else.

 

Time will take care of the rest. That's about all you can do.

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kevin smithy Member

kevin smithy

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Sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how tough it can be after 3 years. Keep your chin up and do the best you can.

 

 

How old are you and what was the reason for breakup? When you say betrayal, do you mean she cheated on you?

 

 

If there was no specific reason like cheating, I think you just have to accept that you guys grew apart and she decided that it wasn't worth continuing to resolve/invest. Keep your busy (I am right now really doing bad at this) and focus on moving on!

 

Im 21 and shes 20.. the reason. well we were school lovers for two years and saw each other everyday. after that was over things got difficult as we expected because it wasnt easy for her to go out. we never saw each other much but we talked. from this september coming things wouldve been great with us because she would be in university and we couldve seen each other and spent time more. she just said she didnt love me any more and plenty bulls***.. she said she didnt want this , then she said its because of school all kinda stuff.. in the end she just said she wanted diff things. she became very close with a guy in work, she use to do the same thing with me what she did with him. she has more pics n vids with him on herp hone than with me. i think i was blind because i suppose to end this a long time ago. she never once this year said she wanted to see me, or she wanted to kiss me or spend time with me,.. everythime i asked her was some excuse and i know how things were and we had so much plans for september and stuff.. and now she just decided she didnt want me no more.

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kevin smithy Member

kevin smithy

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Why do you see this as a betrayal? She was with you for three years, gave you probably the three funnest years of her life so far. Then she decided that you weren't a keeper. Quitting is not disloyalty, unless they quit without telling you.

 

Was a specific promise broken? Did she do you wrong by cheating first? I understand that it feels like a betrayal, but you need to examine whether it really is or not. If it is, then the path to feeling better is true and complete forgiveness. If it isn't, then the path to feeling better lies in accepting the reality of your situation.

 

How long will it last? That's up to you.

 

I see it as a betrayal because i told her alot that make sure you wanted this and she always said yes and she oved me and would always love me.. but now she let me go so easily. she did it over the phone to, never asked me to meet up lets talk about it or im having problems. she just did it on her own and left me. it is a betrayal because she gave up our friendship for other people, she ignored my problems and focused on others, while we were together.. im so stupid not to see it or else i would not even be here right now. i wouldve been finished a long time now.

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kevin smithy Member

kevin smithy

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Why do you see this as a betrayal? She was with you for three years, gave you probably the three funnest years of her life so far. Then she decided that you weren't a keeper. Quitting is not disloyalty, unless they quit without telling you.

 

Was a specific promise broken? Did she do you wrong by cheating first? I understand that it feels like a betrayal, but you need to examine whether it really is or not. If it is, then the path to feeling better is true and complete forgiveness. If it isn't, then the path to feeling better lies in accepting the reality of your situation.

 

How long will it last? That's up to you.[/QU

 

I cant say. but i love myself and i will not watch myself be depressed or cry anymore. so it will not be long. i will love me and thats all i need to be happy

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kevin smithy Member

kevin smithy

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I think when he says betrayal means that feeling of abandonment, like they walked away as if you were nothing. Unless there was cheating or something, in which case I totally see where you're coming from. If not, I still know what you mean, but at the end of the day she has to look out for herself if she wasn't happy. All you can do is accept it, know that she walked out on a good man, and move on.

 

It could be worse, my ex told me she needed a break to work on her depression. Two weeks later, I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone else. That's betrayal. :p

 

Im happy she did what she did. and i hope she does find happiness and good things come to her. it didnt work out she wasnt happy and i cared for her alot and her happiness. so i wish her nothing but the best.. i only wished i never got strung along for so long, filled with hope and having a future with her then for it all to be come crashing down. im sorry bout what happenned to you, good men always come out on top. so you will be fine my friend.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
Yeah, I think that's about right... if feels like betrayal, because of the assumptions you make. But when it is all said and done, if all they do is bail on you, then in reality, it is not a betrayal. It is a profound disappointment.

 

Your situation is interesting, and I'm on the fence about betrayal there. On the one hand, she lied to you, and I'm going to assume it was a misguided attempt to spare your feelings. Either that, or it was self-protection, because she didn't want to debate the merits of her decision with you. On the other hand, maybe the new guy was just what she needed to battle the depression... new personality, new romance, new jollystick... the excitement of new.

 

Is that really a betrayal? I'm not sure, but if that's the way you perceive it, then you have to forgive her in order to let go of the past.

 

This.

 

She is also very young (as are you, OP) and those types of "forever" promises often aren't realistic at that stage of life. A lot of young people go through periods where they don't want to commit to one person yet, want to date others and explore what they truly want. Unfortunately, that often spells disappointment for their partners as they realize the relationship has run its course.

 

All you can do now if focus on being kind to yourself and healing. You are beginning a new chapter, cliche as that sounds. But it's true. Figure out some new goals for yourself, even if they're seemingly minor or short-term. It will give a sense of purpose to this new phase and a place to direct your energy.

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kevin smithy Member

kevin smithy

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This.

 

She is also very young (as are you, OP) and those types of "forever" promises often aren't realistic at that stage of life. A lot of young people go through periods where they don't want to commit to one person yet, want to date others and explore what they truly want. Unfortunately, that often spells disappointment for their partners as they realize the relationship has run its course.

 

All you can do now if focus on being kind to yourself and healing. You are beginning a new chapter, cliche as that sounds. But it's true. Figure out some new goals for yourself, even if they're seemingly minor or short-term. It will give a sense of purpose to this new phase and a place to direct your energy.

 

I know that now and i just put in to much into this and i really didnt know better. i do now and things will be better. I just really thought she was different the way she was with me but its ok. lesson learnt. time to move on.

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