Meli22 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Just to vent mostly, or see if anyone's been in a similar position I have a guy friend who I've known for years. We get on really well and I feel like I can tell him anything. After my break up he was a great shoulder to cry on and supported me a lot/listened to me vent for hours. Anyway, my ex is a tattooist and whilst we were together he started some sleeve work on this friend of mine. Since we broke up, my friend has continued going to my ex for tattoos which I'm ok about - my ex is a great artist. However, my friend seems to be getting really friendly with him. My friend has always had my back, slates my ex off to me and tells me he thinks he's an a**hole etc. in the same breath, he seems to slip into conversations (without me even mentioning my ex) that my ex is dating etc. of course this hurt me and I told my friend to stop mentioning my ex because it's not fair on me, and would ruin my mood for days. He apologised and said he'd stop. He would also drop into conversations how great my ex was doing, and that he often asked after me. He would also tell me that he felt I was just an inconvenience to my ex when we were together. Again, I told him to stop telling me things that I don't need to know. It's gotten to the point where my friend seems to make jokes about the situation now, such as "I'm going to the studio to hang out with my best buddy now so don't text me" and he's even been putting pictures up on Facebook of them both. The last straw was when he sent a picture to me. I didn't say anything but I've decided to ignore him. I feel betrayed by this because he knows how depressed my ex made me, he knows how emotionally abusive he was towards me and how much he crushed my heart and self esteem. He constantly slated my ex yet would then be over friendly with him. I'm ok with being civil but pictures on Facebook? And telling me things that would upset me? It's almost as though my friend does this to see how I react (he's actually always been a lover of gossip and a bit of drama). I've decided to cut him off because no friend should do that. Am I over reacting? Has anyone been in this situation before? I know the title says mutual friends but he actually only knew my ex through me booking him in with him. Thanks for letting me vent anyway lol! 1
wlh22 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I think you just need to be a calm and straight to your friend something along the lines of "Hey X! Listen. I really consider you a close and dear friend. One of the best I have ever had and I really care about you. But I recently came out of the breakup with Y and I can't deal with constant updates about Y from you. Therefore, while it may seem odd and I really want to be friends with you, I need to reduce contact with you. I hope you understand". This way you are not putting him in a difficult spot / emotional blackmail by "asking" him to not interact with someone else (your ex) but make your point. Good luck! Just to vent mostly, or see if anyone's been in a similar position I have a guy friend who I've known for years. We get on really well and I feel like I can tell him anything. After my break up he was a great shoulder to cry on and supported me a lot/listened to me vent for hours. Anyway, my ex is a tattooist and whilst we were together he started some sleeve work on this friend of mine. Since we broke up, my friend has continued going to my ex for tattoos which I'm ok about - my ex is a great artist. However, my friend seems to be getting really friendly with him. My friend has always had my back, slates my ex off to me and tells me he thinks he's an a**hole etc. in the same breath, he seems to slip into conversations (without me even mentioning my ex) that my ex is dating etc. of course this hurt me and I told my friend to stop mentioning my ex because it's not fair on me, and would ruin my mood for days. He apologised and said he'd stop. He would also drop into conversations how great my ex was doing, and that he often asked after me. He would also tell me that he felt I was just an inconvenience to my ex when we were together. Again, I told him to stop telling me things that I don't need to know. It's gotten to the point where my friend seems to make jokes about the situation now, such as "I'm going to the studio to hang out with my best buddy now so don't text me" and he's even been putting pictures up on Facebook of them both. The last straw was when he sent a picture to me. I didn't say anything but I've decided to ignore him. I feel betrayed by this because he knows how depressed my ex made me, he knows how emotionally abusive he was towards me and how much he crushed my heart and self esteem. He constantly slated my ex yet would then be over friendly with him. I'm ok with being civil but pictures on Facebook? And telling me things that would upset me? It's almost as though my friend does this to see how I react (he's actually always been a lover of gossip and a bit of drama). I've decided to cut him off because no friend should do that. Am I over reacting? Has anyone been in this situation before? I know the title says mutual friends but he actually only knew my ex through me booking him in with him. Thanks for letting me vent anyway lol!
stillafool Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I think you are right to cut that friend out of your life. If he is telling you about your ex he is also telling your ex about you. Your friend sounds like he has switched his loyality from you to your ex. Cut him off and heal.
pidgeon1010 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I think you just need to be a calm and straight to your friend something along the lines of "Hey X! Listen. I really consider you a close and dear friend. One of the best I have ever had and I really care about you. But I recently came out of the breakup with Y and I can't deal with constant updates about Y from you. Therefore, while it may seem odd and I really want to be friends with you, I need to reduce contact with you. I hope you understand". This way you are not putting him in a difficult spot / emotional blackmail by "asking" him to not interact with someone else (your ex) but make your point. Good luck! She didn't ask him to stop hanging out with him. She has already told him how it makes her feel when he continuously brings him up and has asked him to refrain from doing so. He hasn't. To the contrary, it sounds like he stepped it up a notch. I don't know a true friend who would do that. Sounds like he doesn't respect her wishes. I'd cut him off too. If you're feeling friendly, you can have one last chat with him and see how it goes.
Author Meli22 Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 She didn't ask him to stop hanging out with him. She has already told him how it makes her feel when he continuously brings him up and has asked him to refrain from doing so. He hasn't. To the contrary, it sounds like he stepped it up a notch. I don't know a true friend who would do that. Sounds like he doesn't respect her wishes. I'd cut him off too. If you're feeling friendly, you can have one last chat with him and see how it goes. Yeah I do feel like it's gone up a notch. As I said, it's like he's testing me for some kind of reaction. And some of the things he's said it's almost like he wants me to feel hurt. I don't want one last talk with him, I've gave him his chance and he's showing that his loyalty lies elsewhere. I'd never do that to a friend.
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