Dating (and breaking up) in the 2-thou! So many memories....

[TheBarnacle]

you know, i'm a mid-30's fella who's never been married. but i have been in several long-term relationships (2, 4, 5 years). and it doesn't seem to get easier when it ends. [NOTE: i know i obviously have some issues -- i'm working on those...seriously! yes, i'm a serial monogomist. yes, i'm afraid of commitment. no, i don't trust women, etc. etc. nothing a few more dozen sessions in therapy can't fix...or compound.]

 

what i'm wondering is if anyone thinks it's harder/easier than for previous generations. i guess arguments could be made for either...but....we all come into relationships now with so many previous experiences. and the older i get, the more there seems to be. does that make it HARDER the next time? or do i take lessons learned and apply them so as not to make the same mistake(s) again??? my parents met in high school. i'm not going to say they were great together, but they ARE still together. and they grew...some...but they have 40+ years together now! if i get married tomorrow, i might get a good 30 in with my mate.

 

i ask this b/c i just recently ended yet another relationship with yet another great woman. while i am fairly confident she wasn't "the one", i did care for her deeply, and enjoyed many wonderful experiences with her. i find it somewhat sad now that i have these memories of some really great times with this person who in a matter of months (or years?) won't be a part of my life. it's almost like these memories lost some of their luster once the significant other with whom i MADE those memories isn't in your life anymore. i suppose people whose spouse dies go through similar emotions?? for instance, one of my ex's and i used to travel quite a bit. and they were fantastic trips! great memories...i have the pix, i'll show you sometime. but...once we busted up and i had a new girl, the new woman wasn't going to sit around and reminisce with me about MY trip to paris! you follow? it's sort of sad....part of the joy of having an experience with someone is being able to remember it with them later. i sort of feel like i'll be missing out on some of that later in life....just curious if i'm the only wussbag sensitive dude out there.

 

anyway...this time, it's singedom indefinitely. until i do some growing up....so says THE BARNACLE!

[Merin]

Wow, that really is sad.

 

Guess it's all a matter of what you can live with you know?

 

I guess I don't see your situations as you being a sensitive person, I see it as being more of a new relationship high junkie..

[TheBarnacle]

Originally posted by Merin

I guess I don't see your situations as you being a sensitive person, I see it as being more of a new relationship high junkie..

 

heh heh...yah, well...i've never been ACCUSED of being sensitive to other peoples needs

 

i was saying more from a "why are my eyes leaking?" sort of way. you know...have feelings?

 

anyway, i'm not as melancholy as that post may have seemed, but i just may be a junkie for sure. thanks!

[Merin]

Originally posted by TheBarnacle

heh heh...yah, well...i've never been ACCUSED of being sensitive to other peoples needs

 

Thats Great..

 

Uh.. so cool, Good Luck.

[TheBarnacle]

wow, so serious, merin. giving advice on breaking up is serious stuff, eh?

 

i guess toungue-in-cheek self-deprication (like sarcasm?) doesn't translate well in emails or forum posts.

[Merin]

Originally posted by TheBarnacle

wow, so serious, merin. giving advice on breaking up is serious stuff, eh?

 

i guess toungue-in-cheek self-deprication (like sarcasm?) doesn't translate well in emails or forum posts.

 

Nah it's not so serious..

It actually does translate well in emails and forums if you get the person was being funny.. I just didn't get it.

[TheBarnacle]

no, i'm just not funny.

[ashley83]

so....um were you ever in love with any of these girls??

[TheBarnacle]

of course. and i cared for each a great deal. not a bad person among them...i just wasn't "there" yet.

 

but this wasn't really about me (although, i don't mind the free therapy). this was more an observation from a guy who's feeling particularly melancholy about this what with having just recently ended another relationship. but for my immediate future, i plan on making my own memories for the next 3 months, or 6, or 12, or whatever it takes. a no dating moratorium for me.