Woman I've been dating for one month, tells me I'm not her physical type?

[CFG]

First post, hi guys just a bit hurt

 

Girl I know through friends, started dating her. We made out a few times, fooled around a little bit no sex etc.

 

But always a pain to get her to make out, took lots of warm up.

 

But one night we were in the back of my car on top of each other making out and she said "I'm trying to picture you naked" (with smile on her face)

 

Dated her for a month, but started to get pissed on wishy washy interest. Hot and cold.

 

Had a talk about this and after some back and forth she admitted to me "I'm basically into gym rats but they tend to be mean and nasty so I decided to give someone who was not my physical type a chance and I thought it would grow over time"

 

She said she loves my personality and that's why she thought she would try to see if it could grow over time.

 

Me = skinny, some love handles, some man boobs.

Her = okay face, bf = 10% ish? pretty tight body. Doesn't wear makeup

 

Felt led on, and hurt. Why would you date me if I wasn't your type? WTF?

 

Yeah I know I'm out of shape, Ive been working on it, dropped 25 lbs in the last 4 months from 205 to 180.

 

Don't know if I just wasn't "alpha" enough, because every PUA/Dating guru site says looks don't matter and if you're unattractive you can still get hot models.

 

I'm not exactly unattractive and I'm not trying to chase after a model, was I not "alpha" enough for her to look past my flaws, or was she telling me the truth that I don't have the body type she wants.

 

Either way feels bad but I'm gonna keep pushing forward and do what I have to do

[Qboro90]

Shoulda just flipped it on her. "I know what you mean... I usually don't date selfie queen juicehead chasers but you seem nice" .

 

Obviously with a playful/teasing tone that lets her know how rude/insulting what she was saying came across and also that you don't hold her on a pedestal.

[Siquijor]

Most likely the gym rat stuff was just BS. It's just another way of saying she doesn't see a future between the two of you.

[casey.lives]

she's not attracted to you. let it go and find someone who is. Attraction does not solely depend on looks.....looks is the easy exit

[CFG]

she's not attracted to you. let it go and find someone who is.

 

 

I know this, but why the BS dates and making out and what not. Why not just say no "CFG I'm not dating you"

 

Save me the trouble of invested effort and some feelings

[casey.lives]

physical attract is imperative it's what sets people apart for mating. Everybody has lovable personalities given the right light. A good amount of the two is what is needed. some of both... not none and all .. but both. sorry... Rejection is helpful. One less person.http://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/icons/icon14.gif

[casey.lives]

why are you making out so soon... why are you emotionally investing so soon???

[Zippy2000]

Shes not dont anything wrong. She gave you a chance but couldnt get past the attraction phase and something was off.

 

Thank her in a good way it was only a month, or 4 weeks. Whatever way you put it. She ended it and didnt take you for a longer ride like a year!

 

Also she told you the truth and didnt just disappear or fade to grey.

[rocketman122]

the hot cold is because she likes you but not feeling comfortable. I think her actions and words are as 1 here. I think she does like buff guys. I had this when I was younger. I was more or less what you describe about yourself body wise. skinny fat.

 

I dated a very hot girl who I worked with at red robin when I was a cook there. she liked my personality and said youre a great guy but she kept saying, why dont you go to the gym, youre too skinny. she kept poking me and saying youre too skinny.

 

her neighbor and long time, on/off boyfriend was into BB and it bothered her about me that I wasnt. she liked my personality and we got along well and you can see she was fighting her feelings because there WASNT a complete attraction when we were making out. the hot cold you experience.

 

fast forward to today, as a BB, I see the women really get turned on by muscularity. when we kiss their hands are all over touching my muscles. they want to feel it. arms and pecs and back. even squeezing them. it really turns them on.

 

it has nothing to do with alpha and not all gym rats are douches/mean but there is a physical attraction that people desire as well. think about it if you dated a heavy set woman. some would be ok with it, but I would say a larger percentage would not be able to get it up. So I believe her.

 

my last ex said she didnt like guys who look like me because it works on the outside and is shallow when the poerson should work on bettering their inside. but I found out its BS. she really enjoyed how I looked. when we were in bed and I took off my shirt she wouldnt even look at my face. her hands went straight to my body. I was the same with her. when she took her clothes off, my eyes were all her body. she looked amazing.

 

physical attraction to some is just as important as intellect/personality. it is to me. I had tons of women I met who physically I wasnt attracted to but we got along VERY well. thats life.

[Maharishi]

I know this, but why the BS dates and making out and what not. Why not just say no "CFG I'm not dating you"

 

Save me the trouble of invested effort and some feelings

 

it can take a little while to realise you really find somebody very unnattractive. This happened to me recently. Went on 3 dates with the guy. Only now have I admitted to myself that I find him overly conservative, fat and boring.

[Maharishi]

the hot cold is because she likes you but not feeling comfortable. I think her actions and words are as 1 here. I think she does like buff guys. I had this when I was younger. I was more or less what you describe about yourself body wise. skinny fat.

 

I dated a very hot girl who I worked with at red robin when I was a cook there. she liked my personality and said youre a great guy but she kept saying, why dont you go to the gym, youre too skinny. she kept poking me and saying youre too skinny.

 

her neighbor and long time, on/off boyfriend was into BB and it bothered her about me that I wasnt. she liked my personality and we got along well and you can see she was fighting her feelings because there WASNT a complete attraction when we were making out. the hot cold you experience.

 

fast forward to today, as a BB, I see the women really get turned on by muscularity. when we kiss their hands are all over touching my muscles. they want to feel it. arms and pecs and back. even squeezing them. it really turns them on.

 

it has nothing to do with alpha and not all gym rats are douches/mean but there is a physical attraction that people desire as well. think about it if you dated a heavy set woman. some would be ok with it, but I would say a larger percentage would not be able to get it up. So I believe her.

 

my last ex said she didnt like guys who look like me because it works on the outside and is shallow when the poerson should work on bettering their inside. but I found out its BS. she really enjoyed how I looked. when we were in bed and I took off my shirt she wouldnt even look at my face. her hands went straight to my body. I was the same with her. when she took her clothes off, my eyes were all her body. she looked amazing.

 

physical attraction to some is just as important as intellect/personality. it is to me. I had tons of women I met who physically I wasnt attracted to but we got along VERY well. thats life.

 

I find body builders' physiques a turn off for the most part. My ideal physique is long lean muscles -- like a basketball player. So, not all women are attracted to the sort of body you describe. At all.

[rocketman122]

I find body builders' physiques a turn off for the most part. My ideal physique is long lean muscles -- like a basketball player. So, not all women are attracted to the sort of body you describe. At all.

 

 

I dont really care what you think or like. its not rellevant to me and youre not the international spokesperson for women on what body they like. I know what ive experienced.

[Maharishi]

I dont really care what you think or like. its not rellevant to me and youre not the international spokesperson for women on what body they like. I know what ive experienced.

 

The defensiveness is quite hot in its own way

[Maharishi]

Are you attracted to competitive bodybuilders? - Straight Dope Message Board

 

[rocketman122]

The defensiveness is quite hot in its own way

 

I would say the opposite. you dont see good looking buffed BB type going with fat ugly chicks. so maybe thats why some women dont like BB types. because good look women want a guy whos good looking and has a nice body. I recently photographed 2 BB contests back to back week after week. all I saw was amazingly hot women there that had amazing bodies. your comment says the opposite of these hotties.

 

and btw at 6' and 220lbs my muscles are "long and lean". they dont get fat and short. another women who knows nothing about physique. facepalm.

 

and from your post above, you seem to attract boring fat guys.

[Maharishi]

I would say the opposite. you dont see good looking buffed BB type going with fat ugly chicks. so maybe thats why some women dont like BB types. because good look women want a guy whos good looking and has a nice body. I recently photographed 2 BB contests back to back week after week. all I saw was amazingly hot women there that had amazing bodies. your comment says the opposite of these hotties.

 

and btw at 6' and 220lbs my muscles are "long and lean". they dont get fat and short. another women who knows nothing about physique. facepalm.

 

and from your post above, you seem to attract boring fat guys.

 

This is true. But a "nice body" is not some grotesquely inflated oiled cartoonish body builder's body. Necessarily.

[Maharishi]

I would say the opposite. you dont see good looking buffed BB type going with fat ugly chicks. so maybe thats why some women dont like BB types. because good look women want a guy whos good looking and has a nice body. I recently photographed 2 BB contests back to back week after week. all I saw was amazingly hot women there that had amazing bodies. your comment says the opposite of these hotties.

 

and btw at 6' and 220lbs my muscles are "long and lean". they dont get fat and short. another women who knows nothing about physique. facepalm.

 

and from your post above, you seem to attract boring fat guys.

 

Feels like I'm back on the school playground. Are you on steroids?

[StellaGrace]

OP - No chemistry in the physical department - it happens. And it will happen again in your lifetime. It will also happen that you will find physical chemistry with someone, and it will be mutual.

 

It's really not personal, even if it feels that way. You can't help who you are attracted to. If the proverbial shoe were on the other foot, as in you weren't physically attracted to her, it doesn't mean no one else will be or that she is unattractive. It just means you aren't a fit.

[rocketman122]

you seem like an intelligent person. but...

 

read the poll and pay attention. it says "competitive bodybuilders" most who BB and call themselves BB'ers are not competitive. im not competitive. I look like a person who does BB but competition , no. you lack knowledge regarding physique.

 

and a few hundred people does not dictate what I experience. thats a very small number of people. that question is very general. it doesnt say about ages of those who answered, which matters, what they themselves look like (which impacts their decision a lot) and if its even legit. this is not what I experience. thats just numbers. I noticed a HUGE increase in interest from women since BB. usually the ugly fat women are the ones who will say I dont like a guy who looks good and is muscular. obviously self esteem issues.

 

btw there are different sizes of BB and muscularity. youre thinking of the huge mass monsters. a very small percentage can even there get there.

[rocketman122]

OP - No chemistry in the physical department - it happens. And it will happen again in your lifetime. It will also happen that you will find physical chemistry with someone, and it will be mutual.

 

It's really not personal, even if it feels that way. You can't help who you are attracted to. If the proverbial shoe were on the other foot, as in you weren't physically attracted to her, it doesn't mean no one else will be or that she is unattractive. It just means you aren't a fit.

 

its just a persons personal preference. just like many women wont compromise on height on a guy. I personally dont like tall women. its a personal preference. I also happen to like pale skinned women. ive dated darker skinned women but prefer the opposite.

[Maharishi]

you seem like an intelligent person. but...

 

read the poll and pay attention. it says "competitive bodybuilders" most who BB and call themselves BB'ers are not competitive. im not competitive. I look like a person who does BB but competition , no. you lack knowledge regarding physique.

 

and a few hundred people does not dictate what I experience. thats a very small number of people. that question is very general. it doesnt say about ages of those who answered, which matters, what they themselves look like (which impacts their decision a lot) and if its even legit. this is not what I experience. thats just numbers. I noticed a HUGE increase in interest from women since BB. usually the ugly fat women are the ones who will say I dont like a guy who looks good and is muscular. obviously self esteem issues.

 

btw there are different sizes of BB and muscularity. youre thinking of the huge mass monsters. a very small percentage can even there get there.

 

Keep the defensive comments coming. It's amusing.

[Celeste.Carol]

You sound like a great guy. She was honest, but by your description of her and her comment, she like gym rats, but they are mean and nasty...sounds as if she is trying to date up, and is getting rejected= mean and nasty.

 

 

If she is not into you, let her go find/chase Rats.

 

 

Tell her you value yourself and you value your time and then completely disappear. She may come running back.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is true. But a "nice body" is not some grotesquely inflated oiled cartoonish body builder's body. Necessarily.

 

Yeah, I know some women that aren't into the whole body building men. I've seen some women that do the body building thing, and it's a turn off for me...I prefer women who keep the weights small and keep themselves no more than toned...no mass.

 

In fact, the last couple of women I dated said they weren't into looks, and more into personality (women are less visual than men.) There are exceptions where women tend to think really hot men may cheat on them or something, and thus they go for the average looking guys.

 

I've seen a couple of body building competing women on POF, not sure why they are on there because they are in a world where they meet men in their category, right?

[LookAtThisPOst]

OP - No chemistry in the physical department - it happens. And it will happen again in your lifetime. It will also happen that you will find physical chemistry with someone, and it will be mutual.

 

It's really not personal, even if it feels that way. You can't help who you are attracted to. If the proverbial shoe were on the other foot, as in you weren't physically attracted to her, it doesn't mean no one else will be or that she is unattractive. It just means you aren't a fit.

 

True, you have to admit, at least the OP had the pleasure of feeling up a hot, toned body on a woman. ;-) lol. Most men in the OPs position would not have gotten that chance.

 

 

At least she gave it a shot, but I've known some people that would attempt to date someone due to their personality and not their looks, only to go, "Well, I tried, but I'm just not feelin' it."

[pidgeon1010]

Rocketman122- why are you letting someone's preference in men get you so riled up? I am sure there are women out there who may like your body but there are others who don't. Nothing to get angry about. Sheesh.