I'm confuzzled.....

[Chevbowtie]

My wife and I have been married for 10 months we knew each other in high school and we dated quite a while. But now that we are married there are some things that are bugging me and I'm hoping someone can help or let me know if I'm nuts anyway lol.

 

We are both 21 years old no kids. She doesn't seem to have a sex drive or enjoy sex really at all. we haven't had sex in like 3-4 months. She will give me a hand job from time to time but that's it and even that like grosses her out. She kisses with pecks like lips puckered until they touch. And that's it. No French kissing or making out no real passion..... She says she enjoys it but she is just fine and happy with what we are doing and I'm getting so sexually frustrated I don't know what to do with myself.

 

Some other things that are bugging me are that she seems to lie to me a lot. Like if she says something and I don't agree she will say "i was kidding" or "I was being funny" and it doesn't even make sense. She also lies/ changed stories to get attention we talked about that and she has gotten better but in a way I feel like she needs to grow up and mature a little. If she doesn't want to do something like pay a bill or do something that has to be done she will make up excuses or do stuff really slow to try and get out of it and it's fricken annoying. I could keep going off about it but idk how comfortable I am to keep going. Am I just wining or is this an issue? I have never been married but I have had a few relationships and I feel like my well being is going down hill with her. Thanks

[lchf]

This is why you don't get married at 21 years old. 21 is still so young OP to know someone truly. We change so much at that time of our lives. Was she always like this before you got married? What was your sex life before you two got married?

 

"Are you just whining?" - these are serious issues dude. Sex is a need that you have which is not being fulfilled. On top of that she engages in dishonest attention seeking behaviour. My girlfriend and I were pretty much kids still at 21. I couldn't even imagine the idea of marriage at that age.

 

How do you normally approach these issues with her? Do you go immediately to fighting? Can you have mature conversations with her? How does she handle your frustration? Is she even aware that you are frustrated?

[Chevbowtie]

Well I guess that's what I get for thinking I knew everything. But it is what it is. Sex life was non existent during dating she wouldn't even kiss me until last like 5 months before we got married. I thought it would get better for some reason....

 

As far as a mature conversation it's really hard but I can get it done. For example she turns everything into a stupid joke or like basically cartoon behavior and I have to tell her seriously listen to me or I say ok I guess you really don't care I'll shut up now. And she goes no what or doesn't say anything. Or she is glued to the danm TV and in the middle of a conversation she will press play on Netflix and I have to ask her to pause or turn it off for a minute so we can talk

 

As far as talking about it. After she had lied several times I told her that it was pure BS and that she needed to stop that behavior because it was going to bite her in the butt. And she has gotten better but she still does it. About sex we have talked about it several times and she says she is fine with kissing the way she does and with what we are doing. Which is next to nothing. I asked her why she doesn't want to French kiss or why she doesn't ever get into making out or anything like that and she says she doesn't know. I've become very curious if maybe she is a lesbian her family is very against that sort of thing and so I can see how if she was it would create some of this behavior. Also givin her history with a "friend" at college it kinda wouldn't surprise me. But how do I bring that up?

 

I've stopped trying to have sex or anything all I get is not tonight, or bed time or one time I even got its light outside. And she has no problem being naked/ in her underwear in front of me. She gets mad and hits me if I touch her sexually even like flirting and forget about absolutely anything happening in the shower. If we shower together it turns into me freezing my balls off and her taking up all the hot water.

 

She loves to cuddle, she would cuddle forever if she could but that's as far as it goes. We generally kiss once a day and that's at bed time and it's the same danm kiss of our lips and barely touch and it's good or even I tried not even kissing back and she was happy with that.

 

I'm thinking we need to see a counselor or talk to someone but I'm not sure how to bring it up. Plus we have built up some things together I don't want to lose and I really like my in laws but I guess when it comes down to it they shouldn't have any deciding factor in this stuff.

[oldshirt]

This is a tough situation and there are going to be some things here you won't want to read or to face but the reality is what the reality is.

 

At the root of all of this is she isn't sexually attracted to you. She married you because you were both young and naive and thought that you "should" get married.

 

She married because she wanted the security and stability of having a husband and the status of being married.

 

You married because you thought if you provided that stability and support she would love you and you would have great sex all the time.

 

You were both young and naive and made a mistake.

 

There problem is there is no easy fix here. You are either going to have to basically change yourself into someone else and hope that she is attracted to the new you.

 

Or you'll have to eventually divorce if you want to find someone that desires you sexually and who you get along with on a more mature and deeper level.

 

The real risk you'll run into here is 21 year old women do have very sex drives....She just doesn't have any desire for you. So the threat here is one of these days some other dude is going to trip her trigger and she'll have the hots for you.

 

The other risk is you are already very dissatisfied and frustrated and one of these days some other little hottie is going to catch your eye or some cutie is going to fall for you and if some gal that IS attracted to you makes a full-court press to hook up with you, you'll probably go for it.

 

My advice at this point is above all else DO NOT GET HER PREGNAT!!! babies do NOT bring people closer together, they create more stress and hardship and raise the stakes of divorce a millionfold.

 

Start making circling your wagons and start getting prepared for an inevitable divorce. I recommend seeing an attorney now and start laying the groundwork such as setting up desperate accounts, looking into housing options for yourself etc.

 

Do not purchase any property, house or car together jointly etc etc.

 

Do not cosign any loans or other financial instruments together etc.

 

And basically be mobile and as unattached from her as possible. Ideally you want to get youself into the position that if you catch her cheating or you simply can't take it anymore, you can file the papers, pay the lawyer and court fees and walk away.

 

Once you have all that in position, then you can try counseling to see if you can work things out, but the odds are very heavily against that so you need to be prepared to divorce with as little complications and expenses as possible.

[Gloria25]

This is a tough situation and there are going to be some things here you won't want to read or to face but the reality is what the reality is.

 

At the root of all of this is she isn't sexually attracted to you. She married you because you were both young and naive and thought that you "should" get married.

 

She married because she wanted the security and stability of having a husband and the status of being married.

 

You married because you thought if you provided that stability and support she would love you and you would have great sex all the time.

 

You were both young and naive and made a mistake.

 

There problem is there is no easy fix here. You are either going to have to basically change yourself into someone else and hope that she is attracted to the new you.

 

Or you'll have to eventually divorce if you want to find someone that desires you sexually and who you get along with on a more mature and deeper level.

 

The real risk you'll run into here is 21 year old women do have very sex drives....She just doesn't have any desire for you. So the threat here is one of these days some other dude is going to trip her trigger and she'll have the hots for you.

 

The other risk is you are already very dissatisfied and frustrated and one of these days some other little hottie is going to catch your eye or some cutie is going to fall for you and if some gal that IS attracted to you makes a full-court press to hook up with you, you'll probably go for it.

 

My advice at this point is above all else DO NOT GET HER PREGNAT!!! babies do NOT bring people closer together, they create more stress and hardship and raise the stakes of divorce a millionfold.

 

Start making circling your wagons and start getting prepared for an inevitable divorce. I recommend seeing an attorney now and start laying the groundwork such as setting up desperate accounts, looking into housing options for yourself etc.

 

Do not purchase any property, house or car together jointly etc etc.

 

Do not cosign any loans or other financial instruments together etc.

 

And basically be mobile and as unattached from her as possible. Ideally you want to get youself into the position that if you catch her cheating or you simply can't take it anymore, you can file the papers, pay the lawyer and court fees and walk away.

 

Once you have all that in position, then you can try counseling to see if you can work things out, but the odds are very heavily against that so you need to be prepared to divorce with as little complications and expenses as possible.

 

Purrrrrfect ^^^