Why is my ex still contacting me while having a boyfriend?

[gatorsuperman]

My ex dumped me 1.5 years ago says she lost feelings for me, we were together for 3 years. She was confused, so we kept hanging out but when I found out she was dating other guys, I blew it and got super jealous. When I found out she started to get serious with one, I told her to call me if she decided she wanted to give me a 2nd chance, but I couldn't be friends with her because I loved her too much. She cried and said she hated me for not wanting to be her friend. Few weeks go by and she starts texting me again, saying she wants to meet me for coffee but doesn't want me to get my hopes up. I say yes but it never happens despite us talking, after a couple months I find out she has been seeing the guy the whole time. Once again we get into it and I tell her that I can't do the friends thing because my feelings are too strong and I hate feeling jealous and hurt all the time, it's not who I am. I tell her to call me if things don't work out for them and she'd like to see me again but otherwise we can't be friends. Few weeks go by again, she texts me that she forgot the password to our photobucket account with pics of us so she had to reset the password. She said she was feeling sad from studying so much that's why she was looking at the pics (even though she has a boyfriend). After talking a few times she made it clear that we could start talking and see what happens. After a few weeks of talking, she finds out she may possibly have to move for work, so she wanted to meet for coffee to say goodbye (hadn't seen each other in a year). So we have coffee last week and it was great, had good chemistry still. After, she found out she doesn't have to move, but she still has the boyfriend. Why would a girl who dumped a guy, keep trying to "be friends" knowing he can't do friendship and she has a boyfriend? She knows how I feel, just trying to figure out how she feels.

[La.Primavera]

Do you want the brutal truth? She likes making you pine after her because it validates her ego. You keep reminding her time and time again that you still have feelings for her. It makes her feel powerful so she does it just to keep you dangling with absolutely no intention of returning your feelings.

 

If she truly cared about you she would have either ended her relationship to be with you or let you go so you could move on for good. It is incredibly selfish.

 

I know it is hard to stop having feelings about someone you really care about but try and look at the facts logically without the emotion. Her actions speak volumes. The way she disrespects you and her boyfriend show her true character.

 

What you have to decide is whether a girl like that actually deserves you.

[frigginlost]

Do you want the brutal truth? She likes making you pine after her because it validates her ego. You keep reminding her time and time again that you still have feelings for her. It makes her feel powerful so she does it just to keep you dangling with absolutely no intention of returning your feelings.

 

If she truly cared about you she would have either ended her relationship to be with you or let you go so you could move on for good. It is incredibly selfish.

 

I know it is hard to stop having feelings about someone you really care about but try and look at the facts logically without the emotion. Her actions speak volumes. The way she disrespects you and her boyfriend show her true character.

 

What you have to decide is whether a girl like that actually deserves you.

 

Op, listen to what Primavera is saying. Outstanding advice.

 

Primavera,

 

Just wanted to say, that it has really been tough coming to these boards. The amount of vitriol, and screaming No Contact at every question asked, has been a pain.

 

Thank you for taking the time to give really solid advice with an explication attached.

[La.Primavera]

Primavera,

 

Just wanted to say, that it has really been tough coming to these boards. The amount of vitriol, and screaming No Contact at every question asked, has been a pain.

 

Thank you for taking the time to give really solid advice with an explication attached.

 

Thank you, I try my best to help. I know how hard it can be to let go when someone gets under your skin. It can be easy to overlook the negatives when you want someone that much.

 

I'm not going to lie, I do think no contact can be a helpful tool for some people who are ready to take that step but clearly this guy is in too deep to think about that right now. Once he makes that decision to cut ties then perhaps he can look at that option. It has to be individual choice though because everyone's circumstances are different.

[frigginlost]

Thank you, I try my best to help. I know how hard it can be to let go when someone gets under your skin. It can be easy to overlook the negatives when you want someone that much.

 

I'm not going to lie, I do think no contact can be a helpful tool for some people who are ready to take that step but clearly this guy is in too deep to think about that right now. Once he makes that decision to cut ties then perhaps he can look at that option. It has to be individual choice though because everyone's circumstances are different.

 

Absolutely agree. There are many instances when no contact should be used. But just like you say, it all depends on circumstances. It's not a blanket recommendation.