cessna Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Big mistake. Went out with a mate, had a few pints got home and type her name into Facebook. I don't even have Facebook anymore, deleted it months and months ago. But I stupidly looked and she's happy with another guy and I feel horrible. I guess it's the realisation that she has completely moved on. I feel like I'm left behind now, totally unlovable. It's been almost a year since she left me, should it really hurt so much after all this time?
menyou Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Sleep it off. You feel bad about it in the moment. Just don't do that again. 1
Author cessna Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 I've not done it for over half a year. No idea what made me do it tonight. I knew I'd never want to know if she was someone else but I still did it. It's almost like I'm teasing myself. Doesn't help when every friend is shacked up, married or has kids. I feel like at 27 I'm seriously lagging.
kevin smithy Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 everytime you do this the pain will be unbearble. dont ever do it again. i did the same. and the best thing is to pretend she is dead, i know thats cruel but it will make things easy for you, even when you see her just blank her. you dont check up on dead people do you, you accept that they are dead and you move on. so do this here.
Author cessna Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 I knew it was likely that this would happen. My fault for being stupid and checking. She's a student and when she broke up with me she said it wasmbecause she wasn't ready for a relationship whilst she was at uni. She's still at uni so that hurts somewhat. I always thought it was more to her not loving me so I guess I was right about that.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I knew it was likely that this would happen. My fault for being stupid and checking. She's a student and when she broke up with me she said it was because she wasn't ready for a relationship whilst she was at uni. She's still at uni so that hurts somewhat. I always thought it was more to her not loving me so I guess I was right about that. Maybe at the time she did think it was university but now she found someone that is more or less suited to her. And just so you know, I am 32 and I am not married and I do not have kids, own a house and I am a older student at college. No point in comparing your life to others as some others are older than you and are "lagging" behind. Seriously, the best way to move on is for a while to cut her out of your system if it still hurts. For an old ex of mine, I blocked him, just stopped me from looking at his page or his new gf. Do what you need to do. We are friends now and everything is hunky dory. You'll find the right woman for you... and by the way 1 year of singleness is actually not that long. Some people are single for a lot, lot longer. Use this time to prepare yourself mentally for someone much better, and as someone has mentioned, if you see her again, just pretend she isn't there. Might make things super awkward for her but whatever helps you sleep at night....oh and perhaps forgive her if she has hurt you...peace xo
Author cessna Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 Maybe at the time she did think it was university but now she found someone that is more or less suited to her. And just so you know, I am 32 and I am not married and I do not have kids, own a house and I am a older student at college. No point in comparing your life to others as some others are older than you and are "lagging" behind. Seriously, the best way to move on is for a while to cut her out of your system if it still hurts. For an old ex of mine, I blocked him, just stopped me from looking at his page or his new gf. Do what you need to do. We are friends now and everything is hunky dory. You'll find the right woman for you... and by the way 1 year of singleness is actually not that long. Some people are single for a lot, lot longer. Use this time to prepare yourself mentally for someone much better, and as someone has mentioned, if you see her again, just pretend she isn't there. Might make things super awkward for her but whatever helps you sleep at night....oh and perhaps forgive her if she has hurt you...peace xo Maybe you're right, who knows. I know it's not good to judge your life based on others but I think it's almost human nature to compare yourself to those around you. When your friends are being all lovey dovey with their girlfriends around you it's hard not to feel left out and left behind. As much as I've become cynical and unattached from love and dating deep down I think I'd quite like to feel loved for once. But I don't know if I want to feel love from my ex or from someone new. The idea of falling in love seems foreign to me now, I'm not sure if I'm capable of it to be honest. I deleted Facebook after we broke up. Partly because I didn't want to be reminded of my ex and partly because I was just bored of it and didn't see the point of it anymore. She lives a few hours away from me so there is no chance of us ever bumping into one another which is good. I really don't know if I'll find another woman. I really can't see it happening. I don't seem to be able to connect with women. I never have. I can chat and have fun with women but it never goes further than that. I'm not the most handsome of blokes so it might be as simple as me not being attractive enough to be loved. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Maybe you're right, who knows. I know it's not good to judge your life based on others but I think it's almost human nature to compare yourself to those around you. When your friends are being all lovey dovey with their girlfriends around you it's hard not to feel left out and left behind. As much as I've become cynical and unattached from love and dating deep down I think I'd quite like to feel loved for once. But I don't know if I want to feel love from my ex or from someone new. The idea of falling in love seems foreign to me now, I'm not sure if I'm capable of it to be honest. I deleted Facebook after we broke up. Partly because I didn't want to be reminded of my ex and partly because I was just bored of it and didn't see the point of it anymore. She lives a few hours away from me so there is no chance of us ever bumping into one another which is good. I really don't know if I'll find another woman. I really can't see it happening. I don't seem to be able to connect with women. I never have. I can chat and have fun with women but it never goes further than that. I'm not the most handsome of blokes so it might be as simple as me not being attractive enough to be loved. That my friend is what's known as BULL****. You are fine the way you are, attractiveness and love aren't mutually exclusive. Some woman will find you attractive. Do you find YOU attractive? The most confident people are not the most attractive, they just believe that they have the means to attract because they love themselves unconditionally. Someone offered me to go see a counselor, it's advice worth taking. I suggest you explore that option as well.
Author cessna Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 Do I find myself attractive? No, if I'm being brutally honest! It's not a lack of confidence because I can be a very confident guy at times it's more a fact of me being realistic with myself. I've come to realise that as much as personality does count for something, attractiveness really is the key. Man, I really wish I could rewind to last night and not have looked at her Facebook. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. I suppose I should be happy for her. She is an amazing girl so I hope she is happy with this new guy at least.
kassy Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Seems like you are being a bit of a drama queen. For goodness sakes there are lots of people who are stereotypically unattractive in relationships. And most people are within the realms of normal looks anyway. Stop throwing a pity party for yourself. You're 27! It's not old at all. I second the idea of counseling as you seem to have gotten yourself in a funk. Why not go out and do some things you enjoy, hobbies etc and start to have some fun and appreciate yourself a bit more and the positive things in your life. When you feel better about yourself you are more likely to attract and be attracted to people who are a better match for you. Most single people go through little phases where we feel we are going to be alone forever blah blah blah, but the reality is if you get you sh*t together and then try dating people you more likely than not will meet someone you want to date/have a relationship with in not too long. Focus on the things you can change and accept the things you can't. By deciding you aren't good looking enough to date anyone you are just setting yourself up to fail and it's such a pointlessly negative mindset. 1
Author cessna Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 Seems like you are being a bit of a drama queen. For goodness sakes there are lots of people who are stereotypically unattractive in relationships. And most people are within the realms of normal looks anyway. Stop throwing a pity party for yourself. You're 27! It's not old at all. I second the idea of counseling as you seem to have gotten yourself in a funk. Why not go out and do some things you enjoy, hobbies etc and start to have some fun and appreciate yourself a bit more and the positive things in your life. When you feel better about yourself you are more likely to attract and be attracted to people who are a better match for you. Most single people go through little phases where we feel we are going to be alone forever blah blah blah, but the reality is if you get you sh*t together and then try dating people you more likely than not will meet someone you want to date/have a relationship with in not too long. Focus on the things you can change and accept the things you can't. By deciding you aren't good looking enough to date anyone you are just setting yourself up to fail and it's such a pointlessly negative mindset. Can't disagree with most of that. I'm certainly not looking for pity or feeling sorry for myself, though. It's hard to be honest about yourself in a negative light without coming across as looking for pity. I'm just trying to be as honest and rational as possible. I don't even feel like a want another relationship but at the same time I would. I don't really know how to explain it. I think maybe I just miss what I had with my ex and I think I want her back rather than something new. I struggle to get excited about women and the dating scene in general.
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