DatingDirection Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 i got a message from a guy i was intimate with, and friends with for a few years. He said he wanted to be friends, after we were not friends for a while. I'm leaving some details out here, but basically, he said maybe we can meet and talk, we set a tentative day and time and place, and at the last minute he said he couldn't make it, as he had alot of work to do. I just said, ok. Left it at that. I haven't heard from him since, and it's been 3 days. He didn't reschedule either. I have intense feelings for him, but i also want to be there for him as a friend, if that's all he wants. I'm not sure what i can do in this situation?
lchf Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 If he's not interested in you romantically and you have feelings for him, I don't see the benefit of you remaining there as a "friend" to him while he pursues other women. What kind of mental torture would that be if he hooked up with other girls and you are there on the sidelines with these feelings? This doesn't sound healthy to me so I would advise you not pursue a 'friendship', especially if you still have these intense feelings for him. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You take it as proof that you are not a priority to him. Armed with this information you do what you have to do to protect yourself. My advice: Don't kid yourself into thinking you are ready to be just his friend. It will torture you. 5
Author DatingDirection Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 why did he even bother messing me in the first place then, and then go further in saying maybe we should meet and talk about it?
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 He's testing the waters for a bit of... hanky-panky.... Maybe he knows you're keen... and he's being 'mean'....
Author DatingDirection Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I'm keen? what's that suppose to mean? I'm not easy that's for sure. He's testing the waters for a bit of... hanky-panky.... Maybe he knows you're keen... and he's being 'mean'....
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Given the depth of your emotions for him, he may well suspect you would be. I'm just assuming things here based on your desire to know what's going on. As with any situation like this, it's sheer guesswork, though. But I wouldn't put it past any guy who contacts someone after a long time, to be curious about whether it might be possible... if you would..... might he get lucky....?
katiegrl Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) i got a message from a guy i was intimate with, and friends with for a few years. He said he wanted to be friends, after we were not friends for a while. I'm leaving some details out here, but basically, he said maybe we can meet and talk, we set a tentative day and time and place, and at the last minute he said he couldn't make it, as he had alot of work to do. I just said, ok. Left it at that. I haven't heard from him since, and it's been 3 days. He didn't reschedule either. I have intense feelings for him, but i also want to be there for him as a friend, if that's all he wants. I'm not sure what i can do in this situation? What transpired in between the time you set a tentative day to get together.... and when he said he could not make it? Were there emails exchanged, phone calls? If I had to take a wild guess based on what little info you provided, it would be he contacted you for (some hopefully) easy sex, and then changed his mind based on how you responded to him after he contacted you. He probably sensed how into him you still are....and his conscience got the better of him and decided to NOT pursue it further. Being how into him you are, a friendship would definitely NOT work. Not that he would even be open to that....it does NOT sound like he would be. Just move on. Sorry Edited September 18, 2015 by katiegrl
Author DatingDirection Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 There is no freaking way, i would just sleep with him.
katiegrl Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 There is no freaking way, i would just sleep with him. Yup, and I'm sure HE figured that too....which is why he disappeared.
Ami1uwant Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 What transpired in between the time you set a tentative day to get together.... and when he said he could not make it? Were there emails exchanged, phone calls? If I had to take a wild guess based on what little info you provided, it would be he contacted you for (some hopefully) easy sex, and then changed his mind based on how you responded to him after he contacted you. He probably sensed how into him you still are....and his conscience got the better of him and decided to NOT pursue it further. Being how into him you are, a friendship would definitely NOT work. Not that he would even be open to that....it does NOT sound like he would be. Just move on. Sorry My opinion.... 1. With this too friends who drank a little too much and one thing led to another.... 2. Did you two approach this as a relationship. Generally if you go from friendship to relationship you should set some ground rules do if it doesn't work out you can go back to being friends. 3. Maybe he found some things in you as a gf he just didn't want to deal with...as a friend he didn't have to deal with. 4. Msy be he is afraid to even peruse a relationship with you and not want to risk your friendship or tearing apart the group of friends you guys share. Given the length of friendship going in here I highly doubt he used you just to sleep with you with no intention of it being a relationship. 1
katiegrl Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 (edited) My opinion.... 1. With this too friends who drank a little too much and one thing led to another.... 2. Did you two approach this as a relationship. Generally if you go from friendship to relationship you should set some ground rules do if it doesn't work out you can go back to being friends. 3. Maybe he found some things in you as a gf he just didn't want to deal with...as a friend he didn't have to deal with. 4. Msy be he is afraid to even peruse a relationship with you and not want to risk your friendship or tearing apart the group of friends you guys share. Given the length of friendship going in here I highly doubt he used you just to sleep with you with no intention of it being a relationship. Not understanding number 1. Below is her original post. i got a message from a guy i was intimate with, and friends with for a few years. He said he wanted to be friends, after we were not friends for a while. I'm leaving some details out here, but basically, he said maybe we can meet and talk, we set a tentative day and time and place, and at the last minute he said he couldn't make it, as he had alot of work to do. I just said, ok. Left it at that. I haven't heard from him since, and it's been 3 days. He didn't reschedule either. I have intense feelings for him, but i also want to be there for him as a friend, if that's all he wants. I'm not sure what i can do in this situation? Where does it say they were out drinking? Did I miss something? She said they were friends, but have not been friends in awhile. Not sure how long "awhile" as she didn't say. Hell it could be years for all we know. Then out of the blue he contacts her and says he'd like them to meet and talk, set a tentative day and time. After which he blows her off..... Does not say whether or not they were ever in a "relationship" -- just "intimate" meaning they had sex. So basically FWB, then nothing (not even a friendship) for "awhile" until he contacts her out of the blue, then blows her off. JMO but I stick with what I originally said. But since she left so many relevant details out....it's all just speculation anyway. Edited September 19, 2015 by katiegrl
Ami1uwant Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Not understanding number 1. Below is her original post. Where does it say they were out drinking? Did I miss something? She said they were friends, but have not been friends in awhile. Not sure how long "awhile" as she didn't say. Hell it could be years for all we know. Then out of the blue he contacts her and says he'd like them to meet and talk, set a tentative day and time. After which he blows her off..... Does not say whether or not they were ever in a "relationship" -- just "intimate" meaning they had sex. So basically FWB, then nothing (not even a friendship) for "awhile" until he contacts her out of the blue, then blows her off. JMO but I stick with what I originally said. But since she left so many relevant details out....it's all just speculation anyway. What I was describing was a generic scenario.....the OP doesn't say much in the incident but I wonder if it was just friends who had sex when there wasn't the intent but possibly alcohol played a part. This king of thing can happen such as she was the form gf of a close buddy so you don't sleep with them. You know a lot about her...you may know she is attractive but you know she has had relationship problems/drama that you want no part of or you know a long term just isn't going yo work so you don't want yo go down that toad so it creates that skyward distant moment.
Author DatingDirection Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 (edited) If that's the case, which it does seem like he blew me off, he blew off, a great friend, let alone a beautiful soul as a girlfriend, inside and out. I'm moving on with my life. Thanks for all the OP's. I'm wondering though if i should tell him how angry I am, for his behavior, or just leave it alone? I didn't sleep with him for 2 years, so im not so sure he thought i was an easy lay. Edited September 19, 2015 by DatingDirection
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