appsl001 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 so me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 months we are both 25, the situation im in is that my girlfriends mum died when she was 3 years old and its only been her and her dad and no one else, so they are bound to be close that i understand. what im struggling with and confused about every time we want to do something my girlfriend is like "i got to see what my dads got planned" its kind of annoying. if i want to do something i have to book it at least 3 weeks in advanced but as soon as her dad clicks his fingers shes there no matter whats shes doing. she cancels her plans with me on numerous occasions for her dad just to sit with him and watch a film indoors which isn't fair. we both talk about moving out and having kids and stuff but every time shes got ask her dads permission and its really annoying. when we are out he constantly texts and rings stupid messages which he don't need to bother her with and she does annoyed and throws her phone but wont say anything to her dad. even after she finishes work she picks her up and drags here and there and she texts me and moans about it but wont say anything to her dad. her dad even drags her along to his dates that he goes on that's how bad it is. she had a chat with him about kids and flat and her dad said if she had kids he would kill her!!! that's not really a thing for a father to say to a daughter, we agreed to look for flats but i do all the looking and she does nothing at all so i have given up at the moment. it took her dad 4 months to let me stay in there house with her. the thing is she is petrified of her dad and wont say no to him so i dunno what to do, i thought about walking away and saying to her until shes ready to put her foot down and fight her dad a relationship isn't going to happen but i can't do that because i love her and she was raped when she was 19 and since then im the only person who has been able to touch her and stuff so if i left i don't want her to go back to square one and not be able to do anything, help me out people what shall i do.
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Until she is ready to cut the apron strings, you will never win & her father will always come 1st. It's a lose / lose for you because if you try to come between her & her dad, she will pick him. IMO, her relationship with her dad is unhealthy. I am someone who did a lot for my parents during their lives. My husband, God Bless him, ate dinner at their club almost every Friday night during our relationship because my routine was to drive them there. However as a rape victim she's got even more psycho drama to deal with. Did she ever get counseling? Have you ever spoken to a mental health professional about dating a sex trauma victim? At a minimum kid gloves are involved. The fact that her father lets you stay at their house is somewhat of a positive thing. I am actually shocked he's OK with this. Have you talked to him about giving her more freedom to spend time with you? If you have his blessing & you can get him to encourage her to move on apart from him you have a better chance then if you are trying to pull her away from him while he's still trying to hold on to her.
Siquijor Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Sounds like the father's a complete control freak. I agree with the first reply though. It does seem like a lose/lose situation unless she is 100% sure she wants her dad out of her life for good, but I can't see that happening.
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