Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Yes, you. The only reason you're in such mental agony is because you have too much free time. Sure, it hurts a lot at first - that's normal. But if you are months post-b/u and you're still in deep emotional pain, you're not doing enough for yourself to move on. My calendar is filling up quickly. I know what I'm doing for the next two weeks. I will be working, dating, playing music and more. Book yourself up, folks. Be insanely busy with fun things. Soon those things will be your new life. Stop sitting around. At a certain point, your not moving on is YOUR FAULT. Have a good weekend, OD 14
paddlingduck Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I love this post OD it's exactly what I needed to read before the weekend! I find I keep myself so busy during the week going to classes in the gym etc but never plan ahead for the weekend. That's when I have too much time to think about the hurt I experienced. However, I'm motivated by your post to have a productive weekend! It's exactly the kick that I needed! Thanks 2
Seth0194 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 OD is so right, the only time I get bothered really any more is at night right before bed when I am laying there with my thoughts. But yes stay busy all the time, do anything you can. Great post great advice. 2
Luke22 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Oregon Dude, you are right. Too much downtime leaves room to ruminate. Also, I notice when I'm busy, the memories that pass through my brain are HONEST memories about how bad the relationship was. Continuing with life has pulled me back down to reality and my thoughts and memories are much more honest and true. Keep on posting buddy! 3
mitchapalooza Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Well yeah duh. It took me 3 weeks to regroup and get the routines I had with the ex-bf out of my head. I felt like all I had was time! It was awful. I wish I would have read this then .... but I wouldn't have listened I text some old friends I lost touch with over our relationship. They convinced me to enter in 5k's (two of them). And I made 2 golf t-times this weekend. I have something to look forward to now. Oh and I gained a new gym buddy - she's very pushy about it so I guess that will be good for me too! Happy Friday everyone - Listen to Dude -- he's right. 2
rach0019 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I wish this was the case for me. 5 months of a beyond busy schedule and still feeling awful.
realmly Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 This is a great post. But I feel like if I'm busy, he's still at the back of my head. The relationship is still playing over and over like background noise. And when I'm not busy, just sitting at home dwelling, the relationship is also still playing in my head, except now I can give it undivided attention. Does anyone else feel this way? 1
JADIE Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 This is a great post. But I feel like if I'm busy, he's still at the back of my head. The relationship is still playing over and over like background noise. And when I'm not busy, just sitting at home dwelling, the relationship is also still playing in my head, except now I can give it undivided attention. Does anyone else feel this way? My 5yr relationship is feeling very "off" suddenly and I signed up on MeetUp just today in preparation for what I feel is coming. The relationship analysis thing is CONSTANTLY going on in my head no matter how busy I am during the day. I cure the night time train of thought with a beer. I'm speaking with a counselor as well....I'm pretty sure I will be the one to pull the plug and am trying to make sure I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons. I've reopened a couple friendships that had fallen by the wayside, started back to church and topping it off with this MeetUp deal should help me transistion myself back to single without going off the deep end. <Sigh>
Mana15 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I'll admit I spent the whole week moping around, but it wasn't (only) because of my ex. It was also because it was my last week of vacations and I wanted to rest a lot. Now that I'm going back to college and I'll be surrounded by people I care about and who care about me so much I believe (and hope) it will be a lot easier to stop thinking about my ex. I'm also returning to the gym, which I'm exciting about since I haven't gone to the gym since I started NC and I want to see if it'll help as much as people around here say. Have a nice weekend and keep positive, everyone!
catlady11 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I'm FINALLY at the point where I can read a book again. I've always been a voracious reader but with the break up my concentration was shot to hell. Now I'm so grateful to have this form of escapism. I know it's important to stay busy but for me I felt numb and paralyzed at first. I literally would lay in bed and do nothing for hours.
realmly Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 My 5yr relationship is feeling very "off" suddenly and I signed up on MeetUp just today in preparation for what I feel is coming. The relationship analysis thing is CONSTANTLY going on in my head no matter how busy I am during the day. I cure the night time train of thought with a beer. I'm speaking with a counselor as well....I'm pretty sure I will be the one to pull the plug and am trying to make sure I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons. I've reopened a couple friendships that had fallen by the wayside, started back to church and topping it off with this MeetUp deal should help me transistion myself back to single without going off the deep end. <Sigh> You're not alone. I'm pretty much going through the same thing, and had already started seeing a therapist prior to the relationship ending as well. It's been 2 months, and I'm still analyzing. Some days are better than others. Some days you feel in control of your thoughts and feel stronger. Other days you just dwell and dwell and get sucked in further and further. The more you do that, the harder it is to pull yourself out. It's vicious. What kind of groups are you joining on MeetUp?
NewBeginning72 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Well I am divorced, and still live with my ex in our home. My time is filled with trying to take care of any repairs, and get the house cleaned before it goes on market. And I have my own small business. So I clean, work and clean more. But I am still procrastinating, and things are getting done slowly. The ex doesn't care about the house, even when we were a married couple.
losangelena Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 My 5yr relationship is feeling very "off" suddenly and I signed up on MeetUp just today in preparation for what I feel is coming. The relationship analysis thing is CONSTANTLY going on in my head no matter how busy I am during the day. I cure the night time train of thought with a beer. I'm speaking with a counselor as well....I'm pretty sure I will be the one to pull the plug and am trying to make sure I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons. I've reopened a couple friendships that had fallen by the wayside, started back to church and topping it off with this MeetUp deal should help me transistion myself back to single without going off the deep end. <Sigh> Oh no! I'm sorry to hear. Your post about your BF being similar to mine really made me feel better. But he broke up with me this past weekend anyway. Makes me feel like it's nearly impossible to have a good relationship with a man like that. It's like an epidemic!
Author Oregon_Dude Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 I feel like if I'm busy, he's still at the back of my head. The relationship is still playing over and over like background noise. And when I'm not busy, just sitting at home dwelling, the relationship is also still playing in my head, except now I can give it undivided attention.Well... would you rather have the first scenario or the second?
JADIE Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 You're not alone. I'm pretty much going through the same thing, and had already started seeing a therapist prior to the relationship ending as well. It's been 2 months, and I'm still analyzing. Some days are better than others. Some days you feel in control of your thoughts and feel stronger. Other days you just dwell and dwell and get sucked in further and further. The more you do that, the harder it is to pull yourself out. It's vicious. What kind of groups are you joining on MeetUp? I haven't had a lot of time yet to sign up for more than a couple...it's overwhelming how many there are in my area! I found a couple related to my biggest hobby, a couple for singles in my age range, some small business networking groups and about a million groups for activities such as hiking, movies, wine tasting, doggie playdates etc. I don't think I can DO OLD...I see lots of guys that I would just flat out dismiss based on photos and yet I know full well I might be very attracted to if I met in person, so I'm hoping to make new friends and perhaps just click with someone in person. I'm in no rush...just rather meet someone on a more organic level...
JADIE Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Oh no! I'm sorry to hear. Your post about your BF being similar to mine really made me feel better. But he broke up with me this past weekend anyway. Makes me feel like it's nearly impossible to have a good relationship with a man like that. It's like an epidemic! I know losangelena, I was dismayed to see your relationship thread go to pot! I thought we were well past mine pulling the turtle act, but 9 days without making an effort to get together and minimal calls/texting (less than 1 a day this week!) just feels like 10 BIG steps backward in the relationship. I don't know if I can keep "rebuilding" the connection for someone who says "This is just me..". It sounds so much like, "Tough sh*t! Deal with it." to my ears... I know he's very overworked and exhausted lately so I'm biting my tongue and giving it another couple weeks, since his work contract ends next week and he'll have loads of free time after that. If I don't see some effort after a couple weeks, I'm throwing in the towel. I have minimal expectations as it is; I'm sure there's got to be someone else out there who'd be plenty happy to live up to them!
cookiejar Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 This is exactly right! In the last 2 weeks I have since gone on a walk with my good friend, gone out to a pub to play trivia, had another friend over for some drinks, and hung out with some other people. While I'm not ready to date yet, I am talking to other guys. I have no romantic interest in them but it's nice to make new friends. I'm also learning to use the word "yes" more. There isn't many invites I've turned down. Even if I think, I don't really want to go I go anyways and usually end up having a better time than I would've sitting home. When I sit home all I do is replay my relationship/break up and make myself sad because he hasn't called or tried to talk to me. It's not worth it. I'd rather be busy doing other things.
K2z Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 This might be true, this post. And I respect the cheeky wisdom. I am still early days: two months-ish since the breakup, three weeks since the big "let's save this" letter. Less than one week since the follow up email saying "did you see the 'let's save this' letter?" There is no air in my lungs. The entire world is a giant farce. It feels as though everything I have ever believed or thought is a mirage. I truly did not realize it was possible to feel this deflated. Every moment of happiness heretofore feels like the most ignorant bit of arrogance. Every moment in which I function in society is a mimicry. How do I get busy, when it feels like I am dragging 700-pound anvils?
ScienceGal Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 All about balance. Don't get yourself too busy, like me. You risk not processing and healing properly.
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