Had to dump someone I care about and it hurts

[Spreeley713]

I dumped this guy due to is cocaine lifestyle (which I didn't know about until recently when he was served an eviction notice and I asked where all his money goes) and he recently confessed that while he was getting high, he hooked up with random women several times without protection.

 

Obviously, this freaked me out and hurt my feelings. He didn't want to break up, but also couldn't promise he would stop his partying. He's been so torn up about our recent break up that he's been basically partying non-stop to deal with it according to his friends.

 

I've been trying to go no-contact, but he keeps messaging me. Sometimes he's sober, sometimes it's obvious he's higher than a kite. I haven't been able to ignore him as I love and care for him, but it kills me to see what he's doing. I have a professional career that requires no illegal activities or being associated with illegal activities. How does one handle this?

[Draper]

He hooked up with random women. **** him. Drugs aren't an excuse to disrespect the integrity of your relationship, you deserve better.

 

It sounds like you got a good job and a bright future. Move on and find someone worth sharing it with because it doesn't sound like this guy is worth it.

[d0nnivain]

You block him. If you think he has any rationality (& I don't) you send one final message: we can't work this out. If you ever cared about me, stop calling me. Then you block him

[thejabberwocky]

Hi, I just broke up with my bf of 6 years for the same reason, except he developed an addiction to pills during our relationship. He never cheated on me to my knowledge though.

 

I understand where you're coming from. I worry about him and love him very much too. But we did the right thing. Nothing comes before their drugs, including us. We had to save ourselves.

 

You need to immediately stop contact. Block his number, block his social media. Take away any keys he has to your place. It hurts a lot but you'll move on faster. And with an addict, there's no hope for reconcile, unfortunately, so you have to no choice but to move on.

 

Go 60 days of No Contact. Write down everything you want to say to him and once your 60 days is up, you can decide if it's still important enough to say then. This is what I've been doing. I'm on day 31 of no contact and it still hurts a lot but at least I'm not being lied to anymore. Stay strong.

[Spreeley713]

I know I should block him, but I just haven't been able to force myself to do it. It sucks because I'm usually smarter and stronger than this. The only thing I've been able to do besides breaking up with him is to avoid meeting up with him in person despite his requests. My friends are upset that I'm sad about it as he's a cheater, but I haven't figured out how to kill the emotional feelings for him yet. This all came as a shock and I haven't really processed it completely. It's like a bad dream.

[Spreeley713]

Hi, I just broke up with my bf of 6 years for the same reason, except he developed an addiction to pills during our relationship. He never cheated on me to my knowledge though.

 

I understand where you're coming from. I worry about him and love him very much too. But we did the right thing. Nothing comes before their drugs, including us. We had to save ourselves.

 

Yeah, I just saw and replied to your post. I need to be strong like you.

[Maharishi]

He's AWFUL. Please block him and take back any keys he might have to your home. He had UNPROTECTED sex with random women while high. Surely you have enough self respect to realise how horrible that is. Plus he's getting evicted not because of genuine hardship but because he is a drug addict and wasted his cash on drugs. Basically, he is a complete mess. You're well rid. And go get checked for sexually transmitted diseases

[Spreeley713]

I just had my annual exam last week and they cover all bases. I'm good. I've also never had unprotected sex with him. He also doesn't have keys to my home. I just moved to a new house two weeks ago which he's never been to, so he doesn't even have my address.

[TaraMaiden2]

I know I should block him, but I just haven't been able to force myself to do it. It sucks because I'm usually smarter and stronger than this. The only thing I've been able to do besides breaking up with him is to avoid meeting up with him in person despite his requests. My friends are upset that I'm sad about it as he's a cheater, but I haven't figured out how to kill the emotional feelings for him yet. This all came as a shock and I haven't really processed it completely. It's like a bad dream.

 

OK, well, just carry on as you are then.

he will eventually wear you down - because you're telling him, by degrees, that he can - and eventually, you'll be back with him because surely, love will see you through - right?

 

You can't FIX. HIM.

 

The best and most effective thing you can do - is to go total No Contact (see link in my sig.).

 

By maintaining contact with him, you're enabling his behaviour and doing neither of you any favours, particularly you.

 

He HAS another life. He has another love. he has another shelter, place to go, comfort to seek.

His drugs and lifestyle.

And he's already told you, they're more important to him than you are.

You're second-best.

You MUST be, or he would have made efforts to stop.

 

Be the strong woman you know you are, and do the right thing.

You can't save him.

Only he can save him.

And he has to want to.

 

Detach, and salvage yourself, or else, this will end badly.

[Luke22]

Just moved? Good! You have a lot to keep you busy. You also don't have to worry about memories in your new home because he's never been there.

 

The longer you wait to disconnect from him, the worse it's going to be. It slowly chips away at who you are, your self esteem.

 

You'll have to reach the point that enough is enough. You're currently wasting valuable life time. Re learn how to like yourself and the rest will follow.