Am I being unreasonable?

[puzzleddad67]

Puzzleddad, I've read this whole thread since last night and one thing has really struck me as being vastly different from all the other threads where guys find out their wives are cheating -

 

- Actually there are a couple things that venture far from the norm -

 

- #1. You seem quite calm and resolved, almost even like you are looking forward to moving on to the next chapter in your life.

 

Disagree with calm. I had many a sleepless night. Agree with resolved. My job involves project management. It obviously affects me. LOTS of bad things happen in work. I do have the ability to see reality and proceed under the actual situation. I can not pretend this is not happening. Looking forward. Hardly. SHE filed though I was looking into it.

 

-#2. Your wife shows no regret or remorse since getting caught and has quickly followed through and filed for divorce.

 

I disagree that it is unheard of. Ive now read quite a few threads here and another site. While not the majority. I see quite a few cheating wives with low to zero regret. Actually I am a bit scared she will go psycho like some of the threads I read. Im hoping her cold calculating self that I am seeing now holds.

-#3. Instead of throwing pots and pans at each other or one of you pleading to reconcile and "work it out," You both seem to be working cooperatively to settle the business matters and move forward with the D and move on with your lives.

 

Im in the NE US. Police and judges do whatever they want and are not known for tolerance of anything that upsets quiet suburbia. I was warned that the judge is pretty much dictator and will do whatever he wants. That being said, what he wants is a by the book average division and divorce. Messing around with anything is a ticket to the poorhouse with the judge. My soon ex is a smart woman. She seems to realize whatever we fight over will more than be taken by two lawyers at lawyer pay rates.

 

I'm not saying any of this is bad per se but the vast majority of the BS s that come on her are devastated and pleading for their spouse to end the A.

 

That is not in me. I had a friend that did that. Perhaps it helped me in the end I saw him embarrass himself begging. This is back maybe ten years but I still remember I and another friend helping him understand reality and get on with life. We argued about her boyfriend but I will not beg anyone to love me. Also realize she has been pushing me away for months now.

 

And the vast majority of the WS s we see here are stricken with apologies and plead to not be thrown out.

 

Noone is being thrown out of the house. Kid logistics have not been worked on yet but will dictate how it works out with the house. We sleep in separate rooms now. The last fight was me picking on him last week.

 

So I have to ask because I really want to know - what was the state of your marriage before you discovered her adultry??????

 

I thought great until after she got the job and changed so much. I thought myself so lucky my best friend happened to the the woman I sleep with. Now I realize the other man was exploiting any little difference. Yes she is to blame for accepting. I read their emails. Any little thing he drove a wedge saying stuff like I dont deserve her.

I'll be blunt, were you yourself dissatisfied with the M and were you having thoughts of moving on yourself?

 

We're you having any fantasy or daydreams of being a free and single man?

 

Was a tiny part of you way deep down kinda hoping that she would drop the ball somehow and give you a justifiable reason to divorce and move on?

 

No, No. I was hurt plenty. Her pushing me away constantly and even before I knew she was cheating "helped."

 

I have zero desire to even date. Yes I know statistically I will. My trust is shot. My heart is broken and ego shattered. I would make a terrible date. Whining will do me no good. Also I think simply our money situation helps. We have money in the bank. The house has equity. We both make just under six figures. I dont have the worries many divorcing people do of where will I live. Yes we will have to sell this oversized house and get two smaller houses. My kids grades will likely get them at least partial scholarships for college. In many ways I know I am a VERY lucky man. I know professionals still working in big box stores at nine dollars an hour.

 

I'm not judging or saying any of that is either right or wrong, just wondering where your head and your heart were really at before all of this started going down.

 

>It was very risky, OP, because it can come back to haunt you, especially when it comes to custody. I hope your ex doesn't take some revenge on you during that process. I hope not, for your sake.<

 

Doubt it because it was the other man not her and he works for a different company. Whats he gonna do? Sue me? LOL. Him. "Yer honor. This man whose wife I was banging got me fired for using my work email and phone to screw his wife."

Judge. "Get the f*** out of my court room now!"

Now I am kicking myself a bit for outing her on FB. Yes that was dumb. Thank goodness I only used a non explicit picture. Mess with me or my family I will my best to f*** you up for it. He did both.

 

>I would think the kids themselves may have something to say about that. They're just about at the age when they might be in a position to file a statement themselves...

 

I don't know precisely how divorces and custody issues play in the USA, but if they're remotely anything like laws in the UK, the offspring have reached an age where they have a full say in what their wishes are.<

 

 

Dunno UK law. Probably, similar enough many try to figure it out and different enough to be wrong half the time. I dont know yet either other than the lawyer says 50-50 is the norm and it takes things like drug offenses to change that. I wont allow it to go to any extreme. My kids NEED their mom. You only get one mom. Reality is what it is and I will survive. I will NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT encourage them to disown their mother. Much the opposite. I am reminding my daughter that this is MY fight and she needs to get along with her mom.

 

One bit of improvement. Mom and daughter did not fight this weekend. Didnt talk, but there was no sniping.

 

My weekend was not bad. She did her thing and only on Saturday night and was home Friday night. I golfed and had dinner with a good friend Sun night at a local place. My friends are nothing less than awesome. I think that is also much helping me. Even people on the outside of my circle of friends are asking me if I need anything.

 

FWIW. Divorce should be done roughly Jan 4 to 15 2016.

 

 

Guess this is the place I whine. Thanks for listening to me whine. LS DOES HELP.

[Imajerk17]

I just want to say puzzleddad, that I really admire how you are taking The High Road especially w your kids' relationship w their mom. I can only imagine how tough this all has to be, but people show their true colors in adversity and you are showing yours don't run.

Edited October 19, 2015 by Imajerk17

[salparadise]

I dont know yet either other than the lawyer says 50-50 is the norm and it takes things like drug offenses to change that. I wont allow it to go to any extreme. My kids NEED their mom. You only get one mom. Reality is what it is and I will survive. I will NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT encourage them to disown their mother. Much the opposite. I am reminding my daughter that this is MY fight and she needs to get along with her mom.

 

I congratulate you for handling things as well as you are. My only concern would be the 50/50 custody arrangement given her penchant for staying out 'til the wee hours and banging the other man. I'm guessing that she's either a) going to keep on partying and leaving the kids alone, or b) bringing the other guy home and banging him with the kids hearing it all from the adjacent bedrooms. Given how ugly it is for them already, either scenario would seem to be unacceptable. She may even decide to move him in with her, in which case he'd be functioning in the role of a step parent.

 

If I were you I'd check into having some behavioral guidelines attached to the 50/50 custody. She may not even want 50/50 if it constrains her partying and sexual activities. Something to think about.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Puzzleddad, I've read this whole thread since last night and one thing has really struck me as being vastly different from all the other threads where guys find out their wives are cheating -

 

- Actually there are a couple things that venture far from the norm -

 

- #1. You seem quite calm and resolved, almost even like you are looking forward to moving on to the next chapter in your life.

 

-#2. Your wife shows no regret or remorse since getting caught and has quickly followed through and filed for divorce.

 

-#3. Instead of throwing pots and pans at each other or one of you pleading to reconcile and "work it out," You both seem to be working cooperatively to settle the business matters and move forward with the D and move on with your lives.

 

 

I'm not saying any of this is bad per se but the vast majority of the BS s that come on her are devastated and pleading for their spouse to end the A.

 

And the vast majority of the WS s we see here are stricken with apologies and plead to not be thrown out.

 

 

So I have to ask because I really want to know - what was the state of your marriage before you discovered her adultry??????

 

I know you said she was your best friend and biking buddy, but how connected and in love were you?? I know that's a subjective question with no objective answer, but you seem remarkably OK with this. What was your state before the discovery of the A..

 

I'll be blunt, were you yourself dissatisfied with the M and were you having thoughts of moving on yourself?

 

We're you having any fantasy or daydreams of being a free and single man?

 

Was a tiny part of you way deep down kinda hoping that she would drop the ball somehow and give you a justifiable reason to divorce and move on?

 

I'm not judging or saying any of that is either right or wrong, just wondering where your head and your heart were really at before all of this started going down.

 

I have the same thoughts. Of course it is not OK to cheat but if PD is so indifferent to his wife cheating and the div, it makes me wonder how much love the still had for her. It sounds as if she did not really matter to him. So PD, you are now in revenge and "I will win this" mode, but at some point you should maybe wonder how if your wife still felt loved. I would not be happy if my hubby would be that indifferent if I cheat (not that it's likely that I would cheat, I would rather end the relationship if I don't feel loved).

[oldshirt]

I have the same thoughts. Of course it is not OK to cheat but if PD is so indifferent to his wife cheating and the div, it makes me wonder how much love the still had for her. It sounds as if she did not really matter to him. So PD, you are now in revenge and "I will win this" mode, but at some point you should maybe wonder how if your wife still felt loved. I would not be happy if my hubby would be that indifferent if I cheat (not that it's likely that I would cheat, I would rather end the relationship if I don't feel loved).

 

That wasn't really what I was wondering when I asked the state of their marriage prior to the affair.

 

I do not hold puzzleddad at all accountable for her affair and departure.

 

But there are some people out there that are basically living under one roof as roommates with both people pretty much waiting for some kind of trigger to give them the green light to call it a day and move on.

I was wondering if they had perhaps been one of those couples.

[kgcolonel]

Old Shirt and Pink in the Limo,

 

I read the post and don't want to cross wires but I also read in the very first post that she had been pushing him away prior to PD finding out she was cheating. He maintained for a long time and against many of us telling him to look further and even hire a PI.

 

He also goes on to say that he thought the M was good and that he truly valued her in that she could go on bike riding dates one night and a dinner formal date the next. To me, (and I could be wrong) sounds like he did love and value her. This began to change once she obtained the new job and likely began to see what the coworkers were doing and this could even be a case of GIGS.

 

I would love to be able to look forward 6 mos. from now to see if there is an awakening on her part and where he will be emotionally.

[salparadise]

Same here. I am glad it seems to be going smoothly and that he's managing things well. I'm sure there will be some feelings surfacing as he looks at it in the rearview... but for now he's doing well and there are no life changing decisions hanging in the balance, so I don't see any point in challenging him as to his motives or the prior condition of the marriage. She cheated, he's done. So what if it wasn't perfect- what is?

[puzzleddad67]

No we were not "just living under one roof." Guess I just make some people angry.

 

I am a realist. SHE filed. In reality, once she cheated, she only moved the timetable up a few months vs when I would have made that decision. She tore "us" apart continually after discovery. In addition, her fidelity made her special. The only way I can explain it is , once she had relations with another man, she lost the special. I also realize I cant play cop the rest of my life. The list I read on spying made me a VERY good spy. I have NO desire to do that the rest of my life. I dont see trust returning to any meaningful degree with a person that destroyed trust down to nothing. This wasnt a small thing. It was huge.

 

She and OM are not hiding their relationship much any more. They dont post about it, but they dont hide it much either. My son told me he heard her say she loves him. Im surprised the sting was there, but bearable. No change in my son or daughter with their mom. The sniping has pretty much stopped. Im letting time pass before pushing daughter to make up with her mom. Only going to intervene in fighting, hoping time at least makes the hurt smaller.

 

My friends. Nothing less than epic. Still feels odd also getting so much support from my friends wives. Ill just assume explanations above are correct.

 

Still working the details money and split wise. Think she is pushing to start her new life with him. I think it will largely work out. I have a lawyer who can be pitbull or puppy depending upon how my wife decides to play it out. I find it interesting that my lawyer is pushing for amicable. There is more money for my lawyer in a war but that is not what is being pushed. Ill avoid a war if I can.

 

What is GIGS?

[TaraMaiden2]

"Grass Is Greener" Syndrome.

[Chrisstro6692]

I had a friend of mine go through the same thing you are going through. Wife wanted to go out on girls night out once a week with some of the people from her work, then it was twice a week, then four or five times a week. He didn't think anything of it at all at first, but when it was all the time he knew something was up. She finally told him she was seeing someone else that she meet at the bar. He was destroyed for awhile, finally he started to get angry about what she had done. He told her, that they could work it out, but she had gotten a Lawyer. Some old friends of his family who had gone through the same thing had told him that once a woman goes and sees a lawyer for divorce, then it is over. Don't get me wrong its not just women but men also that once they initiate divorce and see the lawyer, your marriage is over. Once my friends wifes boyfriend realized that he was getting a woman with kids, the excitement was over and he got out. His ex was shocked by this. She came back to him crawling. He wouldn't take her back. He told her that she was stupid for going to bars while married. Men will tell a woman anything to get into their pants and a lot of women married for a few years if in the bars will eventually fall prey to the bull crap. My friend divorced his wife and is now been happily married to another woman for about ten years now. His ex has talked to me and has told me she was a fool to leave him and regrets it to this day. Hopefully this may give you some insight to what is coming for her.

[puzzleddad67]

Thank you Tara. I was thinking giggles. Makes sense.

 

Bad week. It hits me once in a while that future with my soon-ex is now gone. I always pictured growing old with her. I found a few brochures for stuff in the city. That hit me. We used to have a few weekends a year in the city with other couple-friends. Guess she is planning a weekend in the city with the other man after we split. I did not ask. Kind of hit me hard. Maybe that was why it was a bad week. The kids seem more accepting of this than I am. My daughter especially tells me to do what I have to do for myself. She tells me I'm the best dad in the world. Must admit that one chokes me up. Thank GOD for her support. My kids and my friends. Without them I would have lost it.

 

My daughter still does not talk to her mom, but I notice they are now sometimes in the same room dutifully ignoring each other. Hoping this breaks soon. Kids need their mom. My communication with soon-ex is simply business like. A few snips here and there come my way but nothing too bad. Its odd how I see physical flaws I glossed over before this mess. I guess its love goggles. Not that I am all that. Just something I notice.

[Buckeye2]

This is just a general observation. It may be skewed because people only post if things are going wrong. If everything is great we don’t hear from them.

 

Around 40 seems to be a very dangerous time for women. Add to that a new environment (new job, going back to school, etc.) and you’re almost asking for it. An empty or about to be empty nest also seems to be a factor. My theory is it’s their last chance to prove that they still have it before it’s gone.

 

Do your wife and kids know that the OM broke up anotherfamily before yours?

Edited November 4, 2015 by Buckeye2

[Marc878]

Oddly. Okay. For me, I'm good. I get that bad pit of the stomach feeling when I think of my kids. My soon to be ex is ironically doing me a favor by tearing "us" apart herself.

 

I got served. She wants zero alimony. It's all business with her now. We already have an outline of division from last night after I got served. The house gets sold and split etc. We would spend more on lawyers if we fought and she seems to realize it. Appears she is now making near what I am, and I suspect thinks she will be making more. Fine by me. I want nothing of her or from her. She wants 50/50 kids. Not sure how that will work out.

 

Looks like I get to keep all our "couple friends", even the wives are on my side which I find odd. Guess I was wrong about women only back women. The wives seem angry at my soon to be ex. Guess Pink above is correct. I'll take a bunch of professionals over her bar lot any day of the week. Been invited golfing more than usual. Have dinner offers and even temp housing offers.

 

I think the wives want to set me up with their single friends. Weird.

 

Best part: I GOT THAT SOB OM! Cost me a couple grand and my lawyer was totally against it but in my state you can file for fault. Wont do anything with division or alimony but you can. I had him draft a letter voluntarily asking for phone records and emails from him to my wife... They fired his ass for using company time and equipment. Got an earful from my soon to be ex about it. (I'm picking on him. Awwww.) Completely worth every penny. I dont care what they say about taking the high road. Revenge is very sweet. We have now withdrawn the request from them. My lawyer got a call from them to the effect of "Message received." It gives me this sense of closure. He won the war but it was 100 to 1 his favor not 100 to nothing.

 

More good news: This weekend. Golf if the weather cooperates with friends.

 

Good news in an odd way. He is very distant but my son is talking to his mom again. Daughter not so much but this is MY fight, not hers. I just hope it teaches her the value of loyalty.

 

He screwed with your life. Why not take him out???? Nice job!!!!

[puzzleddad67]

>My friend divorced his wife and is now been happily married to another woman for about ten years now. His ex has talked to me and has told me she was a fool to leave him and regrets it to this day. Hopefully this may give you some insight to what is coming for her.<

 

Chriss. I dont actually wish her ill. I wont shed a tear if they break up but... Sorry women for the caveman, but as of January, she is no longer mine. Its just... weird. I had a rough weekend. Yesterday was a perfect hiking day. A year ago we would probably have hiked/biked yesterday. I miss that. Yes I will get back into it at some point. Weather permitting.

 

>Do your wife and kids know that the OM broke up another family before yours? <

 

Kids do know. Soon ex wife, no idea. Early on my, daughter snooped his FB page. LOTS of women 35-49 as "Friends" Not sure how many and what he is doing with them but my daughter spent some time on him. I told her to cut it out. This is still MY war, not my daughters. I stopped tracking her comings and goings except in the largest sense of the word. It seems pointless and more damaging to obsess over her.

 

Marc. Thanks. Seems some here don't like what I did to him. Shrug. Like I said. It gave me a sense of closure I cannot explain other than while the OM won the war. I got my shot in. Its not a shut out on his favor. If a golden opportunity came up to get him again would I? Sure, but, only if it took very little effort or time. I need to press forward. The closure lets me think on other things than revenge.

 

Wife and daughter are more and more in the same room studiously ignoring each other. I think a bit of forgiveness is forthcoming. I am for it. Yeah I know blah blah I repeat a lot but moms are needed.

 

My friends are nothing less than EPIC. I actually got an email from my friends wife, (CC'ed to him. they have some kind of agreement regarding opposite sex friends) asking why I had not taken them up on a dinner offer lately. I will this week.

 

And... even more EPIC NEWS. My daughter MAY be close to a FULL RIDE at a state school due to her being a dream child with dream grades. Even better, she is choosing between three majors that are all "hard" bachelor of science degrees with direct hiring/job prospects upon completion. Yes I am ONE PROUD DAD. Cant say this does not help me mentally in a major way.

[qubist]

nothing wrong with revenge as long as it doesn't cost you much. but you should focus more on you, use what happened to motivate yourself to be a better man. how about one of those single women that your friends had proposed? it doesn't mean a serous relationship yet but it helps trust me. there is something in our DNA that makes us feel better being with a woman, even for a dinner/movie date.

[Marc878]

Lots of good luck to you.

 

What your stbxw hasn't realized is that this OM will not likely marry her.

 

He got what he wanted and will move on shortly to someone else more exciting.

 

Cheaters always cheat. I would never consider this/her in my life again. You're young and there are better out there.

Edited November 9, 2015 by Marc878

[puzzleddad67]

nothing wrong with revenge as long as it doesn't cost you much. but you should focus more on you, use what happened to motivate yourself to be a better man. how about one of those single women that your friends had proposed? it doesn't mean a serous relationship yet but it helps trust me. there is something in our DNA that makes us feel better being with a woman, even for a dinner/movie date.

 

Not going on any dates while Im still married. It's just not in me. Yes I know Im dumb for doing it since she is still actively seeing the other man. Its just not in me. Ive never cheated, even while daating and never will. 2 months away from final anyway. Holidays are going to be busy. Im going to be the domicile parent. Soon ex was smart enough to not fight it. She knows both kids would fight hard. No I did not put them up to it.

 

House on market soon. 50-50 split on everything. Zero alimony and the child support is not much thanks to her new income. Its worked out. Im not going to spend 50K on lawyers to save 5K.

 

I see the end of the mess or at least most of it. Im just going to sprint toward it. Ready to go nuclear if needed and hoping the peace stays to the end.

 

Im doing better. Daughter is now talking to her mom, even if a bit curt. Its odd but now that it looks like my daughter and her mom are healing Im sleeping a bit better. This is ALL about my daughter needing her mom and nothing to do with my soon ex needs or wants. Kids need their mom. Period. I love my kids. The one thing I will always be is dad. I have a great relationship with both.

[puzzleddad67]

Lots of good luck to you.

 

What your stbxw hasn't realized is that this OM will not likely marry her.

 

He got what he wanted and will move on shortly to someone else more exciting.

 

Cheaters always cheat. I would never consider this/her in my life again. You're young and there are better out there.

 

Her problem. Not mine. Pretty obvious player... I think. I have not gone to his FB in ages. I get the feeling they are working a future together. Not sure though. He is younger than her tho. I dont follow her moves anymore.

[puzzleddad67]

Its over. Got the papers yesterday. You dont realize you are just a number until you get divorced. Didnt even have to go to the final hearing. Judge just rubber stamped the agreement.

 

AFAIK she is still with the SOB. I dont check up. Friends feed me more than I want to know really. Does not bug me much but Im really getting to the point I dont care what she does.

 

In some ways I realize Im incredibly lucky. Ive read the horror stories here and other boards. I have zero alimony and child support is almost a joke. I help my kids directly of course which is not cheap, but I dont mind. Dad is a role I love.

 

My kids are still getting good grades. We sold the house in like 3 weeks. I bought a smallish 3 BR condo. Drama is minimal. Both visit mom 3-4 days a week. She is being scarily flexible with the kids. My daughter has finally sort of forgiven mom. Son seems okay.

 

No dates. I rather like not having obligations on my time and less drama of a relationship. I know Im supposed to want to date but at the moment. eh. Its kind of nice to just do what I want on my days without kids and near drama free life. Ill figure it out in time.

 

Thanks for listening to my early whining. It helped more than you can all know.

[kgcolonel]

Feeling a bit guilty on this one.....I was kind of hoping the kids would hold mom accountable and fully side with dad here. I guess it's just my own projection.

 

Sorry DB....my bad.

[road]

I do not remember reading this thread in the past. However I noticed this thread just now. Then I noticed the first post was a ways back so I jumped to the end.

 

 

And seeing the marriage end was not a surprise to me. OP gut reaction of something being amiss was dead on the target.

 

 

When it comes to infidelity the Gut feeling is never wrong.

[Wewon]

I wasn't on LS when this thread originated. I can tell you that its unnerving reading the entire event being documented from the "Am I being unreasonable" stage to the "I signed the papers" stage.

 

It gives a whole new take on spotting red flags and accountability as well as how in relationships people tend to betray by creating a sense of self doubt in their SO.

 

Sorry you went through this.

[Tayla]

Recent divorced and somehow dating is now of interest?

 

I had therapy after divorce and best advice was--- stay off the dating field the first year. And I have seen far too many rebound and use the next poor soul to replace that ex. Give yourself independent time to acclimate to being single.

 

Since your children are moving into early adulthood, allow the time with them to be priority. Soon enough they will be challenged with living outside the family life. Enjoy them.

 

You seem to be handling this transition well. best to you and your children.

[puzzleddad67]

Things I learned.

1) Seriously consider what others say when multiple people are telling you the same thing. The long termers here were right when they said my wife was a cheat.

2) The courts dont give a rats backside about you. Their goal is to push through as many cases with as little drama as possible. My divorce was a numbers thing.

3) It is things like a cheating wife and divorce that will teach you who your real friends are, and are not. All the dinner offers and even housing offers taught me how great some of my friends are.

4) Parents. When you take your kids to the playground (or whatever) and the other parent does not do much for them... TRUST me. It pays dividends one hundred time greater. My kids were another source of support.

5) YOU WILL get through even a mess like a cheating wife and divorce and even start to live again. It will leave a scar AND teach you a lot.

 

OK enough blathering, just hoping to pass on some of what I learned.

 

The ex made the newspapers. Police blotter section. Jerry Springer style of course. She showed up unannounced at lover boys house last week only to find ANOTHER woman departing his place. Much yelling and screaming ensued. NE suburban police have no sense of humor about disturbing the peace. They ticketed the lot of them with a summons. Id gloat but my kids told me the other woman is another local mom. Some poor bastard is going probably through what I did last fall. Did not do any further investigation. Not my problem. Got a bonus weekend with my kids out of it. Guess she spent Valentines weekend unhappy. Someone find me the worlds smallest violin to play the worlds quietest sad music.

 

Had a date Sat night. (first one) (Sort of). Friend of my friends wife. She just caught her husband cheating a monthish ago. We ate a nice meal. Was kind of weird. She talked about it and asked my advice about healing as she is divorcing too. She only gave me a peck on the cheek and a thanks. Said I helped her more than I would ever know. So I got a good meal and did a good deed. Got back home at ten and watched Battle Los Angeles on my new toy. Not a great movie but...

 

Too damn cold to do much outside. Im a fishing and golf guy and NO I DONT like ice fishing. Love my 55 inch 4K TV and humungo subwoofer stereo for movies! Explosions are better on a BIG sub.

 

Daughter 18th birthday coming up. Think I will spoil the crap out of her. I love being a dad.

 

Both kids are talking to mom. While not sympathetic to my exes stupidity with loverboy. They appear to be getting along well enough.

 

Thats all I can think of ATM. For anyone behind me in a cheating mess. I survived. you will too.

[Marc878]

It seems the ones who get out quick do much better than those who try and salvage the marriage.

 

I hope when the Karma bus hits and she ever shows back up you graciously turn her down.

 

That happens pretty frequently. There's just too much garbage at that point you'd be better off taking a chance somewhere else when the time comes.