Thechosenone23 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Hello there, Ill try to make my story short. Me and my ex gf were together for almost two years. The past 5 months have been very rocky. Breaking up and getting back together very often. Most of the issues were because of me I must admit. I recently moved to a new state and I met her a year into moving here and barely had any friends so we spent most of our times together. she has a lot of friends and I don't since she grew up here. She is a very flirty type of girl and that's what made me insecure the most. Anyways the last break up felt so real even though it wasn't over something very serious. We were arguing and I hung up the phone on her and then she decided to end it and blocked me. I was honestly fed up and I thought that this is the best for both of us. I did not contact her for a week. after a week passed by I felt really upset and it started sinking in. I drove to her place not knowing that my number was blocked on her phone. I tried texting her and calling her but it went straight to voicemail. I texted her friend to call her to come out and she eventually did. We have been through a similar breakup before and everytime we do she tries her best to avoid seeing me because she becomes weak when she does. We are both deeply in love but she is stronger than I am. I became emotional when I saw her and asked for her back but she wouldn't agree and said she wanted space to figure things out and she needed some "me" time. it was a very short meeting and she asked to be dropped off home. A day went by and we didn't talk then today I couldn't help but text her and since im blocked I sent her a message on whatsapp cuz I wasn't blocked on there and tried to convince her that im gonna change and work on this seriously this time but she just wouldn't buy it. She told me that im not telling you we are over for good but she just needs space from this relationship and she said shes not saying that as an excuse to be single. she also said she needs space from me and a change of pace and to take time to find balance again. im just worried that if I give her space she would meet someone else and become less interested in me since she goes out with her friends a lot. Im not worried about her sleeping with anyone because she wouldn't let me have sex with her until we became official. I really want her back. My birthday is coming up next month and I want her with me. Any advice would be highly appreciated. What should I do? Thank you!!!
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Take your rose colored glasses off. You are not deeply in love. You are deeply dysfunctional. The break up make up cycle is the best evidence that your relationship is not working. Hanging up as a way to end an argument shows poor communications skills. So does avoiding the other one. Things aren't going to change. You have to change. the first change you have to make is to accept that your relationship isn't working for anybody, including you. 2
warshaw Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 1- if your call went to voicemail then you weren't blocked. 2- she made it clear she wants to be left alone for now. Stop thinking about yourself and what you want, and make it about what she wants. Yes there's a risk she'll meet someone else but that's just how it is and there's nothing you can do about it. Continuing to harass her- and that's what your doing- makes it clear that you are selfish and have no regard for her feelings and her request for space. You want to show her you're willing to change? Stop contacting her. Maybe she'll move on, maybe she won't. That's up to her. Meanwhile work on not going to pieces when someone dumps you. You need to be able to make it through life on your own, not using someone else for a crutch. Being someone else's crutch gets old, fast. It's not fair to them, hey its not even nice, if you think about it.
Author Thechosenone23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Thanks for your advice. I have been told that I am selfish by her because all I care about is my feelings and not what she wants. I haven't really talked to anyone around me about my situation because I'm embarrassed by it but decided to get people's opinion online. You have opened my eyes and I appreciate your honesty!
warshaw Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Thanks for your advice. I have been told that I am selfish by her because all I care about is my feelings and not what she wants. I haven't really talked to anyone around me about my situation because I'm embarrassed by it but decided to get people's opinion online. You have opened my eyes and I appreciate your honesty! Actually her opinion is the only one that matters. She happens to be right but even if she was wrong, she's the one you have to make happy. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 1- if your call went to voicemail then you weren't blocked. It could be that he was... When I blocked someone on my phone, the server rep at the shop told me they hear a voicemail facility but the call isn't logged or recorded. As an experiment, I tried it with my H. It's true. He 'blocked' me on his phone, I rang him, got VM, but he got nothing..... 2- she made it clear she wants to be left alone for now. Stop thinking about yourself and what you want, and make it about what she wants. Yes there's a risk she'll meet someone else but that's just how it is and there's nothing you can do about it. Continuing to harass her- and that's what your doing- makes it clear that you are selfish and have no regard for her feelings and her request for space. Yup. She's trying to be nice and let you down gently. no-one in their right mind would say - ....she needs space from me and a change of pace and to take time to find balance again. with the possible intention of coming back. If she's going to find balance, do you honestly think she would come back to something that would then reverse all that good work, and unbalance her again...? You want to show her you're willing to change? Stop contacting her. Maybe she'll move on, maybe she won't. That's up to her. Meanwhile work on not going to pieces when someone dumps you. You need to be able to make it through life on your own, not using someone else for a crutch. Being someone else's crutch gets old, fast. It's not fair to them, hey its not even nice, if you think about it. Yup. True dat, what he said.... 1
warshaw Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 It could be that he was... When I blocked someone on my phone, the server rep at the shop told me they hear a voicemail facility but the call isn't logged or recorded. As an experiment, I tried it with my H. It's true. He 'blocked' me on his phone, I rang him, got VM, but he got nothing..... Good to know, thanks.
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I have been told that I am selfish by her because all I care about is my feelings and not what she wants. From what you wrote, I don't know if you are selfish. Since you moved for her, I would think the onus would be on her to help you develop a social circle. Can you give more examples of how she thinks you were being selfish? If you were actually selfish that could explain the dysfunction. If you weren't you can't fix this because it's her problem.
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