Deerisland23 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 My girlfriend and I recently broke up after almost 7 years. One of the biggest reasons is that she is moving away for school and felt like our relationship was not strong enough. Well, it turns out she's lying about even moving. She was keeping her trailer at my mothers house and yesterday she came and got it. The neighbors had to help her. They told her that her truck wasn't big enough to tow it four hours away. She reluctantly told them she was only taking it to another part of town. This was around 4 pm. She texted me at 7, saying she would be home around 9 from delivering her trailer to the spot. Now I'm not a genius, but I know that she wouldn't have even gotten there til 8 and then it would take another 4 hours to drive home. She also ended up staying in our rented house for a few more days because she told me her spot up at school got "delayed". This is on top of several other inconsistencies the last week. She is supposed to start school on Monday. Why does she feel the need to lie? I understand she doesn't owe me anything but why doesn't she just shut up then? We are only in contact because we were trying to get the house clean and last night she was supposed to help so she kept updating me. All of her stuff was still in the house. Things just don't add up and I don't believe she really thinks I wouldn't find out if she were living in the same town. i knew she was mildly panicking about moving away, but this was her dream school and she's already got a job lined up there. It is completely out of character for her. I'm wondering if I should confront her. But I don't want to make her upset. I don't ask much, but I feel this is a huge lie and completely disrespectful of her to play this little game. I really hope this is some kind of miscommunication. Because not only would I be very hurt by this, I would feel bad that she is giving up her dreams. The only thing she has tying her to this town was me, and I can't see her staying for this new person she's been hanging out with and has only known for 2 weeks, which is my suspicion. It goes against all the reasons she broke up with me (distance, wanting to be alone for awhile, etc) and her biggest dislike on this planet is lying! Worst part is she is taking all of our animals and if she's not moving I feel I should be able to see them. Should I just leave this alone and let her keep pretending I don't know? It's driving me crazy. Be a grown woman for christs sakes.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I was all intent on wading in and telling you that now she's your ex- there's no need to listen to her, keep contact or maintain any form of evaluation, she's your ex, gone, out of the picture.... But on reading, I see it's not so cut and dried. I think you'd have every right to go and confront her, and ask her what the heck is going on. Particularly in view of her taking your (joint) pets. Depending on how long you've had them, I can fully see why you might have formed an attachment to them, so for her to say she's taking them - and then only moving inches instead of miles - is frankly, not reasonable, or fair. 7 years is a long time, in comparison to some relationship break-ups on here, so I think you have every right to smooth some of the creases out and get some answers. Oh, yes, you do.
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 If she's staying I agree some other arrangements should be made regarding the pets. As for the rest of it, be glad you got this liar out of your life. Sounds to me, she is simply moving on to this other guy but she's saying stuff about school to save face. Forget confronting her. Even talking to her will simply cause drama & a fight.
mightycpa Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 As to the pets, if she's taking all your animals, and you were ok with it when she was going to be four hours away, then they are her animals, not yours. You've already settled that. As to the lying, who cares? Just tell her to pack her **** and get out and you don't want to hear any excuses, just go. The truth is that you shouldn't want to know about her one way or the other, and she can lie, or tell the truth, but either way, you shouldn't hear any of it. 1
dumbass2 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 If it's driving you crazy then confront her in a mature way about as to not make her shut down and then have things get really tense. Don't assume things and just ask and let her answer. Don't keep on with other questions. Don't go on and on. Try to get your answer, which may or may not be the truth and then be done. You have a right to do whatever you feel. Don't pretend things are all right if they're not. Keeping things bottled up can kill ya.
Author Deerisland23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 We've had the pets together for 5 years and there are 4 of them. We've shared the responsibility and financial care for them equally and I am heartbroken that I am losing them. I was letting her take them because the housing situation I was forced to move out into, only allows 1 pet. I admit I was/am very much in love with her, however this behavior makes me dislike her a lot. And if she wants to ruin her whole life that she's been planning for 2 years because of some person she barely knows, then I feel sorry for her. She is not the person I knew. I supported her every step of the way because I know this is what she truly wanted. I don't want to confront her, but I feel like I have to in order for her to not think she is getting away with lying to me about something I feel is not only important, but completely unnecessary to lie about. And don't use moving as an excuse for a breakup if it's not even happening. It's just cowardly in my opinion and she's burning a lot of bridges. My whole family has been helping her prepare for this move, even housing her trailer. They have been sticking up for her this whole time, saying she is just overwhelmed with the move, etc. They loved and adored her. However this recent action even has them flabbergasted and upset that she lied to all of us.
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 As to the pets, if she's taking all your animals, and you were ok with it when she was going to be four hours away, then they are her animals, not yours. You've already settled that. That is one way to resolve it. I can only share my experience. EX was moving out. We had a dog. I kept the dog, but if I believed EX could have taken care of the dog once he arrived at his new far away destination I may have given him the dog since he was going to be far away & lonely. If he had plans to stay closer I might have tried a limited visitation schedule to ease the transition for the non-custodial pet parent.
warshaw Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I don't want to confront her, but I feel like I have to in order for her to not think she is getting away with lying to me about something. You want to confront her so she doesn't feel like she got away with lying to you.. seriously? Fact is she's getting away with totally messing with your head and your thoughts are consumed by her. Best thing you can do for yourself is stop caring about what she says and does, tell her to get her stuff or it's going outside by whatever deadline settle on, and be done with it. You'll get over the animals, if they meant that much to you, then you wouldn't move to a place where you couldn't keep them. It makes no sense for you to go over to where she lives just to visit with some animals if the two of you have nothing to do with each other.
mightycpa Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 So there you go.. you're stuck with the pet situation. As to the other part of this, there's a flaw in your thinking. She's not getting away with anything. It is her prerogative to lie to you or to tell you the truth. She doesn't owe you anything. Now, if she walks away and thinks "wow, I'm so proud, I pulled the wool over their eyes, yes I did!" then really, what difference does it make? Who does that anyway? It's not your concern. The truth you need to focus on is that it is over. She can't fool you about that. Over means done, as in, she's not your concern any more. If she wants to lie, or tell the truth, it's all the same to you, because you're not part of it. You shouldn't even be informed at this point. By fretting over this, you're looking backwards, not letting go. Just let go. Let her go, any way she wants to go. 1
Author Deerisland23 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 As to the pets, if she's taking all your animals, and you were ok with it when she was going to be four hours away, then they are her animals, not yours. You've already settled that. As to the lying, who cares? Just tell her to pack her **** and get out and you don't want to hear any excuses, just go. The truth is that you shouldn't want to know about her one way or the other, and she can lie, or tell the truth, but either way, you shouldn't hear any of it. I only care because she keeps texting me with lies/updates on her false moveZ . She's gonna do what's she's gonna do but leave me out of it then. There's no need to shove it in my face and hurt me more by lying. We had a "good" breakup with generally no ill feelings, so why start causing drama now? 1
mightycpa Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I only care because she keeps texting me with lies/updates on her false moveZ . She's gonna do what's she's gonna do but leave me out of it then. There's no need to shove it in my face and hurt me more by lying. We had a "good" breakup with generally no ill feelings, so why start causing drama now?If you can't block her from texting, then FAKE block her from texting with a template reply: Verizon subscriber xxx-xxx-xxxx has blocked all incoming SMS messages from this number. Message 85103. Modify the carrier as appropriate, and then delete all future messages from her immediately. She'll stop within a couple of hours, if not sooner.
Recommended Posts